I was running a bit late to work this morning anyway. Not for any particular reason. Just because I felt like sleeping an extra ten minutes.
Took the L to 6th Ave, as I do every day, and waited to transfer to the red 1 or red 9 downtown to Houston Street. Like I do every day.
The 1 and 9 arrive on the right side of the tracks. There's a 2 and 3, also red, that arrive on the left side of the tracks. I don't really know where the 2 or 3 go, I just know the 2 and 3 don't go to work.
So I'm waiting there and a 9 comes on the left side of the tracks. Very confusing. I thought "Well, its a 9, so it must be a 9 even though its not where the 9 usually arrives." I got on, as did a bunch of people. The doors didn't close for a while, and people started getting shifty and confused a bunch of people jumped off of the train before the doors closed.
So this 9 wasn't actually a 9. It was 2 or 3, because it went express to somewhere. I don't know where it went. I just know it went right by Houston. And then right by a bunch of stops after Houston. Many mini heart attacks were had.
I realized, though, that this was a very crafty thing for the MTA to do because:
What had happened, apparently, was a 9 train had stalled on the right side of the tracks after Houston, thus making it impossible for trains to travel on the right side of the tracks. I know this because we blew by the stalled train while I was on my train. Instead of announcing that there were no 1's or 9's anymore, they sent a 9 on another track so people would mistakenly get onto it, go express to the next available stop, and then be able to get off at that stop, cross over to the uptown direction and take a 1 or 9 on the tracks that were actually working.
Crafty, yes, but I was having a fit because I had no idea where I was going, how long it would take, how long it would take to get to work from wherever I was, would I even be able to get back, etc. I checked out the map and I was pretty far downtown, but it only took me about 5 minutes to get to work once I got on the 1 downtown. I did not call in late, however, because it wasn't my fault and I figure everyone was having the same problem. Right. No need to call in late two times in less than a week and a half.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Open Up Your Chest
Yes, M, you are right, because Jimmy is straight out of a movie.
In the movie version he is played by Morgan Freeman. He is smaller and older than Morgan Freeman, but he has that vibe. Think of a 5'7'' and thinner Morgan Freeman aging jazz musician talking really slowly and wisely kind of guy.
He just stopped by and said "How's the lonely?"
I told him I was feeling better because I'd gone to the movies, which was a normal activitiy for non-lonely people. I told him about Saun of the Dead, which obviously he hadn't heard of.
He said "Just what you need. Open up your chest and laugh a little."
Yes, Jimmy, yes.
He told me I was looking better today. When I asked him how he was doing, he said "I'm still here. Last night, I got out some food for dinner. Then, found myself a bag of potato chips and two tootsie rolls and that was my dinner."
Awesome.
I don't know who should play me in the movie, though. Hmm... things to think about.... but Ione Skye is going to play M. Or maybe Mary Louise Parker because I haven't seen Ione Skye anywhere lately.
In the movie version he is played by Morgan Freeman. He is smaller and older than Morgan Freeman, but he has that vibe. Think of a 5'7'' and thinner Morgan Freeman aging jazz musician talking really slowly and wisely kind of guy.
He just stopped by and said "How's the lonely?"
I told him I was feeling better because I'd gone to the movies, which was a normal activitiy for non-lonely people. I told him about Saun of the Dead, which obviously he hadn't heard of.
He said "Just what you need. Open up your chest and laugh a little."
Yes, Jimmy, yes.
He told me I was looking better today. When I asked him how he was doing, he said "I'm still here. Last night, I got out some food for dinner. Then, found myself a bag of potato chips and two tootsie rolls and that was my dinner."
Awesome.
I don't know who should play me in the movie, though. Hmm... things to think about.... but Ione Skye is going to play M. Or maybe Mary Louise Parker because I haven't seen Ione Skye anywhere lately.
Bollocks
Roommate and I went to the movies last night. We saw "Saun of the Dead." You all must see it. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. The first 1/3 of this movie is absolutely exquisite.
The previews included "Seed of Chucky," "Blade 3" (and I swear Parker Posey is in this - wtf?), some ghost movie with Michael Keaton, I forget what else. Something I wanted to see. My brain is so on overload right now.
But yes. "Saun of the Dead." Hilarious British Zombie Romantic Comedy. I wish I was British because then I'd be inherently interesting and witty and charming. It had its cheesy moments, but, again, brilliant idea and brilliant Act I.
The best thing about going to the movies was this: when it was over, I felt completely normal. For the first time since I moved here I feel like I live in NY! I pointed this out to Roommate, and she said "That is because we went to the movies, which is an activity people do where they live, and not when they're on vacation. " Good point.
OK. All of you must now run out at see "Saun of the Dead."
The previews included "Seed of Chucky," "Blade 3" (and I swear Parker Posey is in this - wtf?), some ghost movie with Michael Keaton, I forget what else. Something I wanted to see. My brain is so on overload right now.
But yes. "Saun of the Dead." Hilarious British Zombie Romantic Comedy. I wish I was British because then I'd be inherently interesting and witty and charming. It had its cheesy moments, but, again, brilliant idea and brilliant Act I.
The best thing about going to the movies was this: when it was over, I felt completely normal. For the first time since I moved here I feel like I live in NY! I pointed this out to Roommate, and she said "That is because we went to the movies, which is an activity people do where they live, and not when they're on vacation. " Good point.
OK. All of you must now run out at see "Saun of the Dead."
Metro Animal Story
Did anybody read this animal story in the Metro this morning?
Man mistakenly cuts off penis, dog eats it
Bucharest An elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said yesterday. It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him away at night. "I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu said. "I cut it... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Wrong on so many levels. So many. Ear plugs, sir. Ear plugs. No chicken-neck-cutting.
Man mistakenly cuts off penis, dog eats it
Bucharest An elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said yesterday. It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him away at night. "I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu said. "I cut it... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Wrong on so many levels. So many. Ear plugs, sir. Ear plugs. No chicken-neck-cutting.
Monday, October 04, 2004
No, You Don't Know
So older-than-dirt Jimmy just came by and said "What's what? You look beaten down."
I said "I'm, well, I'm lonely."
He said "I get lonely myself at times. Then I just jump straight up into the next thing."
Yes, Jimmy, yes.
He explained to me that only 3/10 of his family remains, and that his father, mother, and a bunch of siblings all died one after the other. He told me that he never cried until this one day at church, not too long ago at a Mother's Day mass, the preacher was going on and on and on about mothers. Jimmy left the church in the middle of the sermon, went to his car, and started to cry in his car.
People came after him. People said "We know how you feel."
Jimmy said "No, you don't know. You don't know how I feel."
Then he said to me "But I know how you feel. I know how it feels to be lonely. You'll find the next thing soon."
I said "I'm, well, I'm lonely."
He said "I get lonely myself at times. Then I just jump straight up into the next thing."
Yes, Jimmy, yes.
He explained to me that only 3/10 of his family remains, and that his father, mother, and a bunch of siblings all died one after the other. He told me that he never cried until this one day at church, not too long ago at a Mother's Day mass, the preacher was going on and on and on about mothers. Jimmy left the church in the middle of the sermon, went to his car, and started to cry in his car.
People came after him. People said "We know how you feel."
Jimmy said "No, you don't know. You don't know how I feel."
Then he said to me "But I know how you feel. I know how it feels to be lonely. You'll find the next thing soon."
Alphabet of Nations
They Might Be Giants is like an intravenous injection of HAPPY.
I think "Birdhouse in Your Soul" might be one of the best songs ever. Although, you can't jump to the entire song once you've, ahem, hit a certain, ahem, age. Such as 28. Oh well.
So M & A came to visit this weekend and we had a lovely time. It was so nice to have company and to actually interact with people. They brought me the Star Wars Trilogy on DVD as a housewarming gift, but, sadly, A determined that my DVD player/karaoke machine is, in fact, broken so I can't watch them. Sadness and weeping. Need to buy: DVD player, karaoke machine, couch, walls, coffee table, lamp, adaptors for power supply, new cell phone, friends.
We went to see They Might Be Giants at the Irving Plaza on Saturday night. I wore my fabulous new and truly outrageous Jem t-shirt that I bought in Soho on Friday night. M copied me and wore her hair in buns. We looked adorable and like we were 15 years old.
I was kind of nervous about it because I was afraid the show would make me feel old, but it didn't, because They Might Be Giants themselves are old and their fans are therefore old. If anything, I'd say we were average age there, if not on the younger side. I was thinking that it must be hard to be They Might Be Giants, because they have so many songs that span so many years to choose from for their set list. How could you ever decide?
Irving Plaza was ok. Sort of like Avalon only deeper and with $9 Captain and Coke. It was cool before the show because they played Spaceballs without sound. Not a good venu for the short, though. There are things about being short that are good - such as the fact that you can look cute in hoodies and sleep on trains easily because you can curl up. But when it comes to shows, as a short person you really just go to listen. M was very nice and told me what was going on onstage.
The show was good. Again, They Might Be Giants just make you happy happy happy! Being at the show reminded me of why I moved to NYC.
Yesterday we went out for brunch and then went furniture shopping in Williamsburg, where M & A found this very cool Chinese buffet thing and/or a vintage bar to buy for their new apartment. They didn't buy either because both items are expensive and they needed to think about it. But I am thrilled for them, because now they are dual income and can actually consider buying these sorts of things. While they were doing this I bought an ice cream from an ice cream truck for $1 and kept wishing I was rich. We also found this amazing used book store
(well, more of a kioske) around the corner from my apartment.
After they left I wanted to make phone calls, but couldn't for obvious reasons. I ended up recording a new song which I hope to have up this week if our phone works and we can then get internet. Roommate and I also watched "Desperate Housewives" which was actually pretty good. Terri Hatcher is obscenely hot. If I could look like anyone in the world, it might have to be Terri Hatcher. She's a good combination of hot/adorable. That show also has many people from "Melrose Place" - Kimberly plays this uptight and perfect housewife type and The Gay Guy plays someone's husband. I think this could be this year's guilty pleasure.
A good weekend. Now its back to reality. Hmph.
I think "Birdhouse in Your Soul" might be one of the best songs ever. Although, you can't jump to the entire song once you've, ahem, hit a certain, ahem, age. Such as 28. Oh well.
So M & A came to visit this weekend and we had a lovely time. It was so nice to have company and to actually interact with people. They brought me the Star Wars Trilogy on DVD as a housewarming gift, but, sadly, A determined that my DVD player/karaoke machine is, in fact, broken so I can't watch them. Sadness and weeping. Need to buy: DVD player, karaoke machine, couch, walls, coffee table, lamp, adaptors for power supply, new cell phone, friends.
We went to see They Might Be Giants at the Irving Plaza on Saturday night. I wore my fabulous new and truly outrageous Jem t-shirt that I bought in Soho on Friday night. M copied me and wore her hair in buns. We looked adorable and like we were 15 years old.
I was kind of nervous about it because I was afraid the show would make me feel old, but it didn't, because They Might Be Giants themselves are old and their fans are therefore old. If anything, I'd say we were average age there, if not on the younger side. I was thinking that it must be hard to be They Might Be Giants, because they have so many songs that span so many years to choose from for their set list. How could you ever decide?
Irving Plaza was ok. Sort of like Avalon only deeper and with $9 Captain and Coke. It was cool before the show because they played Spaceballs without sound. Not a good venu for the short, though. There are things about being short that are good - such as the fact that you can look cute in hoodies and sleep on trains easily because you can curl up. But when it comes to shows, as a short person you really just go to listen. M was very nice and told me what was going on onstage.
The show was good. Again, They Might Be Giants just make you happy happy happy! Being at the show reminded me of why I moved to NYC.
Yesterday we went out for brunch and then went furniture shopping in Williamsburg, where M & A found this very cool Chinese buffet thing and/or a vintage bar to buy for their new apartment. They didn't buy either because both items are expensive and they needed to think about it. But I am thrilled for them, because now they are dual income and can actually consider buying these sorts of things. While they were doing this I bought an ice cream from an ice cream truck for $1 and kept wishing I was rich. We also found this amazing used book store
(well, more of a kioske) around the corner from my apartment.
After they left I wanted to make phone calls, but couldn't for obvious reasons. I ended up recording a new song which I hope to have up this week if our phone works and we can then get internet. Roommate and I also watched "Desperate Housewives" which was actually pretty good. Terri Hatcher is obscenely hot. If I could look like anyone in the world, it might have to be Terri Hatcher. She's a good combination of hot/adorable. That show also has many people from "Melrose Place" - Kimberly plays this uptight and perfect housewife type and The Gay Guy plays someone's husband. I think this could be this year's guilty pleasure.
A good weekend. Now its back to reality. Hmph.
Cable TV
On Saturday morning we got cable.
The cable dude called at 8:30 and said he was on the way and would be there in half an hour.
At 9:30 he called and said he was lost. He wasn't actually lost. He, like my parents, had driven by my building multiple times not thinking people could conceivably live in it.
He called again because he couldn't find the door.
Then he didn't call and didn't turn up, so I called him and found out he'd taken the wrong elevator and was locked in a stairwell. Who knew you could be locked in a stairwell in my building?
We had a dish already outside our window, which was good because we couldn't have had access to the roof due to the fact that the management and superintendent of our building do not work on Saturdays. I thought to myself "This will be so easy! He will just plug in the receiver and we will have cable!" Then I thought to myself "Wait a second - nothing about NY is easy so of course there will be drama."
At first there didn't seem to be any drama. Things seemed relatively straightforward. The cable dude was taking his sweet time and being all chatty, though, because he was a Computer Engineering Major at UMass and was psyched that I too went to UMass! He was amazed! I couldn't understand why he was so excited, but then it occurred to me that I've lived in an area for so long where pretty much everyone went to UMass. He just couldn't get over it. He said "You must have some crazy stories" and I said "Not really - unless you consider stories about studying CRAZY!"
He plugged in the receiver, and of course, no signal. None. Nothing he could do. He unscrewed something on the dish which involved his hanging out of the window and swearing for about 15 minutes. He was clearly afraid of heights. I was afraid for him.
When unscrewing the whatever didn't work, he announced that he was going to his truck.
He returned a few minutes later and decided that "someone played with this dish" and that he would take it out and put it back. Fine. This, unfortunately, involved my help and therefore my hanging out the window. I thought I was going to die. It was kind of funny, and kind of fun, since I was actually socializing with someone. But I was seriously freaking out.
Eventually the cable got hooked up and that was that. But let the stick beating begin - when the cable dude was leaving, he was all "Can I call you?" Heh. I said he could, not because I want him to, but because I couldn't really say "no" because he had just undergone a ridiculous amount of stress to install cable in my apartment. Like potential-life-ending stress. Plus, he already has my number and knows where I live so I figured I'd keep in amicable.
The reason I tell this story, though, is because as soon as he turned on the receiver in my apartment my cell phone stopped working. Like it went from 6 bars to none, maybe one, sometimes the grey bars that allow only emergency phone calls. And when I have one bar, I can't actually make phone calls. Like it will drop the call as soon as it starts ringing. I am pissed. I don't know if its a total coincidence or if the cable signal is actually now interfering with my cell phone. I called my cell phone carrier and they "sent a program" to my phone that "might help."
Ergh.
Nothing in this city is easy!!!!
It was extremely frustrating because I was waiting for M & A to arrive, and had no way to talk to them since our land line doesn't work either. I had to leave the apartment and walk a few blocks to call them. Then, when I got back, my cell phone miraculously worked again. I was relieved until the following morning when, of course, it no longer worked. It didn't work at all yesterday. It doesn't work only in the apartment.
In other tragic news, the inputs to my fabulous power supply at work do not accept the leads from my fabulous gel box, so that sucks. I think they make adaptors, but what a pain! I can't seem to get anything right in this city!!!!
The cable dude called at 8:30 and said he was on the way and would be there in half an hour.
At 9:30 he called and said he was lost. He wasn't actually lost. He, like my parents, had driven by my building multiple times not thinking people could conceivably live in it.
He called again because he couldn't find the door.
Then he didn't call and didn't turn up, so I called him and found out he'd taken the wrong elevator and was locked in a stairwell. Who knew you could be locked in a stairwell in my building?
We had a dish already outside our window, which was good because we couldn't have had access to the roof due to the fact that the management and superintendent of our building do not work on Saturdays. I thought to myself "This will be so easy! He will just plug in the receiver and we will have cable!" Then I thought to myself "Wait a second - nothing about NY is easy so of course there will be drama."
At first there didn't seem to be any drama. Things seemed relatively straightforward. The cable dude was taking his sweet time and being all chatty, though, because he was a Computer Engineering Major at UMass and was psyched that I too went to UMass! He was amazed! I couldn't understand why he was so excited, but then it occurred to me that I've lived in an area for so long where pretty much everyone went to UMass. He just couldn't get over it. He said "You must have some crazy stories" and I said "Not really - unless you consider stories about studying CRAZY!"
He plugged in the receiver, and of course, no signal. None. Nothing he could do. He unscrewed something on the dish which involved his hanging out of the window and swearing for about 15 minutes. He was clearly afraid of heights. I was afraid for him.
When unscrewing the whatever didn't work, he announced that he was going to his truck.
He returned a few minutes later and decided that "someone played with this dish" and that he would take it out and put it back. Fine. This, unfortunately, involved my help and therefore my hanging out the window. I thought I was going to die. It was kind of funny, and kind of fun, since I was actually socializing with someone. But I was seriously freaking out.
Eventually the cable got hooked up and that was that. But let the stick beating begin - when the cable dude was leaving, he was all "Can I call you?" Heh. I said he could, not because I want him to, but because I couldn't really say "no" because he had just undergone a ridiculous amount of stress to install cable in my apartment. Like potential-life-ending stress. Plus, he already has my number and knows where I live so I figured I'd keep in amicable.
The reason I tell this story, though, is because as soon as he turned on the receiver in my apartment my cell phone stopped working. Like it went from 6 bars to none, maybe one, sometimes the grey bars that allow only emergency phone calls. And when I have one bar, I can't actually make phone calls. Like it will drop the call as soon as it starts ringing. I am pissed. I don't know if its a total coincidence or if the cable signal is actually now interfering with my cell phone. I called my cell phone carrier and they "sent a program" to my phone that "might help."
Ergh.
Nothing in this city is easy!!!!
It was extremely frustrating because I was waiting for M & A to arrive, and had no way to talk to them since our land line doesn't work either. I had to leave the apartment and walk a few blocks to call them. Then, when I got back, my cell phone miraculously worked again. I was relieved until the following morning when, of course, it no longer worked. It didn't work at all yesterday. It doesn't work only in the apartment.
In other tragic news, the inputs to my fabulous power supply at work do not accept the leads from my fabulous gel box, so that sucks. I think they make adaptors, but what a pain! I can't seem to get anything right in this city!!!!
Friday, October 01, 2004
Delirious
I have been listening to my Ipod for the last three hours in order to drown out the sounds of my chatty coworkers and the NYC traffic outside.
I am totally delirious.
Word.
I am totally delirious.
Word.
Where is the Indian Buffet?
Things from today:
Can’t stop thinking that Jude Law is the best looking person on the planet.
My coworkers were standing in my bay a couple of days ago and saying “We should all go out for lunch on Friday!” They didn’t ask me about it or really tell me, but I figured they’d just let me know on Friday. Today, they were all hovering in the bay at around 11:30 finalizing their lunch plans, which involved going out for Indian buffet. I thought “Indian food! I love Indian food! Yippee!” So they’re talking and still nobody mentions to me the lunch plans. Then at 12:00 they all just leave.
I had a few thoughts while this was all happening:
Maybe they think they told me. But still – if they did tell me, why wouldn’t they say “Hey – are you still coming?” or “Hey – are you sure you can’t come?” like they were saying to everyone else.
Maybe they think I don’t want to eat with them since I eat by myself. But, if this is the case, might they at least try once to invite me for lunch? Did it occur to them at all that I might not want to invite myself along?
Maybe they don’t know me well enough to invite me to lunch. But, might it not be a good way to get to know me?
I am really upset about this because I feel like the outcast new kid in school who doesn’t have the right outfit. And by right outfit, I mean “spouse.” Maybe they hate that I wear my hair in ponytails or they are jealous of my fabulous red hoodie or they don’t like that I ordered disposable cell counters for everyone. Regardless, this sucks.
I decided to reward myself by eating a burrito for lunch, so I went to this place slightly uptown called Tex Mex. It was awful. Worst burrito I’ve ever had. It didn’t even look like a burrito.
One good thing was that while in the burrito place a 14-year-old-kid looked at me, smiled, and said “Hi.” I smiled back and said “Hello, how are you?” and he said “Good. How are you?” I told him I was fine and then did everything I could not to say “Actually, I’m not fine, because you’re the first person who’s spoken to me in two weeks and my coworkers hate me and do you have any idea how much it means to me that you smiled?”
When I got back to my building, I decided to talk to the security guard in order to continue my long line of being friends with everyone non-science at my place of employment. Well, it’s not really that long a lineage, but it includes:
the crazy walk-around-security hip hop producer who worked at my company two companies ago and who was my new best friend after I ran into him at the LL Cool J show
the nutty guy who worked in the Rebecca’s Café downstairs two jobs ago who gave me awesome hip hop bootlegs
all of the fabulous admins from two jobs ago
the security guard in the lobby from one job ago who made me feel really good about life
I said hello and he said “So – you just started working here?” and I said “Yeah, I actually just moved here” and we got to talking about that, and Boston. Then he said “How do you like your new job?” and I downloaded and said “Too soon to tell – but I’m not sure I like my coworkers” and told him how I feel so overwhelmed and they’re not very accommodating.
Then he said “Well, that’s New York for you. Everyone is really selfish” and I told him about how I eat by myself and he said “Better that way. Everyone here is in such a rush that they don’t have time for anyone. Don’t think about anyone other than themselves.”
And then he said this:
“You just need one. It’s best that way. You only need one who you can trust.”
I think he’s right, and I think I’ve identified possibly three. It doesn’t need to be everyone. You just need someone.
Can’t stop thinking that Jude Law is the best looking person on the planet.
My coworkers were standing in my bay a couple of days ago and saying “We should all go out for lunch on Friday!” They didn’t ask me about it or really tell me, but I figured they’d just let me know on Friday. Today, they were all hovering in the bay at around 11:30 finalizing their lunch plans, which involved going out for Indian buffet. I thought “Indian food! I love Indian food! Yippee!” So they’re talking and still nobody mentions to me the lunch plans. Then at 12:00 they all just leave.
I had a few thoughts while this was all happening:
Maybe they think they told me. But still – if they did tell me, why wouldn’t they say “Hey – are you still coming?” or “Hey – are you sure you can’t come?” like they were saying to everyone else.
Maybe they think I don’t want to eat with them since I eat by myself. But, if this is the case, might they at least try once to invite me for lunch? Did it occur to them at all that I might not want to invite myself along?
Maybe they don’t know me well enough to invite me to lunch. But, might it not be a good way to get to know me?
I am really upset about this because I feel like the outcast new kid in school who doesn’t have the right outfit. And by right outfit, I mean “spouse.” Maybe they hate that I wear my hair in ponytails or they are jealous of my fabulous red hoodie or they don’t like that I ordered disposable cell counters for everyone. Regardless, this sucks.
I decided to reward myself by eating a burrito for lunch, so I went to this place slightly uptown called Tex Mex. It was awful. Worst burrito I’ve ever had. It didn’t even look like a burrito.
One good thing was that while in the burrito place a 14-year-old-kid looked at me, smiled, and said “Hi.” I smiled back and said “Hello, how are you?” and he said “Good. How are you?” I told him I was fine and then did everything I could not to say “Actually, I’m not fine, because you’re the first person who’s spoken to me in two weeks and my coworkers hate me and do you have any idea how much it means to me that you smiled?”
When I got back to my building, I decided to talk to the security guard in order to continue my long line of being friends with everyone non-science at my place of employment. Well, it’s not really that long a lineage, but it includes:
the crazy walk-around-security hip hop producer who worked at my company two companies ago and who was my new best friend after I ran into him at the LL Cool J show
the nutty guy who worked in the Rebecca’s Café downstairs two jobs ago who gave me awesome hip hop bootlegs
all of the fabulous admins from two jobs ago
the security guard in the lobby from one job ago who made me feel really good about life
I said hello and he said “So – you just started working here?” and I said “Yeah, I actually just moved here” and we got to talking about that, and Boston. Then he said “How do you like your new job?” and I downloaded and said “Too soon to tell – but I’m not sure I like my coworkers” and told him how I feel so overwhelmed and they’re not very accommodating.
Then he said “Well, that’s New York for you. Everyone is really selfish” and I told him about how I eat by myself and he said “Better that way. Everyone here is in such a rush that they don’t have time for anyone. Don’t think about anyone other than themselves.”
And then he said this:
“You just need one. It’s best that way. You only need one who you can trust.”
I think he’s right, and I think I’ve identified possibly three. It doesn’t need to be everyone. You just need someone.
Debate 1
Lots and lots to say today. Lots.
I think that I’ll be telling this story to my future fictional phantom children someday when they say “Ma, what was it like when you first moved to NYC?”
Roommate and I were supposed to go out last night to play pool in the East Village with some Friends of Roommate who are in an all chick Depeche Mode cover band. We opted to stay in, however, due to various girl issues and to the general malaise we’ve been feeling about life as of late. Plus, we’d get to drink wine and watch the debate on our fabulous snowy TV that only gets CBS!
We watched and made fun of the end of Snowy Survivor while starting to drink.
Sitting there in the papasan chair while Roommate sat on the floor, I began to freak out because it seemed like Dubya was winning the debate. Not that he was being even semi-competent. It just seemed like Kerry was really nervous, and Dubya actually had some points (the horror). Although, Dubya’s reaction shots were awesome. He looked like an irritated four-year-old. I said “Do you think the rest of the country is distressed that the leader of the free world looks like a Keebler Elf?”
(I was also horrified by Jim Lehrer’s eyes – like he has beady beady beady freaky eyes, which look even more beady and freaky on snowy TV)
This prompted both Roommate and I to start drinking lots and lots. Lots. It was about 35 minutes into the debate when I said “I’m… not… going… to… make it….” and I then said “Do you know what we should do?” I don’t know what I was going to say, but Roommate said “Raise monkeys?”
This prompted me to launch into my tirade about how I hate how the media exploits monkeys. Which is not what I meant to say. If I’d been sober I’d have said how I hate how monkeys are dressed up as people and how it’s absurd that people think its funny when monkeys are dressed up as people, because it’s really not funny. Like really, what is funny about a monkey with a blonde wig and a pocketbook?
Things deteriorated from there. It became “Senator Kerry, what is your feeling on the domestic issue of Monkey-Xploitation?”
By the end of the debate we were trashed. I couldn't even get out of the chair. We were also depressed, because we thought Dubya had won, so we were slightly confused by the recap polls or whatever that said people’s opinions of Kerry had improved. Sweet! Don’t know why, because I was wrecked, but it was good, because I really needed to laugh.
We also had a fabulous drunken conversation about how surreal our lives are right now. It is so awesome to be able to share this insanity with someone who’s going through the exact same thing. It’s not easy here, and I can’t really explain it to anyone who’s not here. But she knows, and knowing is half the battle.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Roswell
A friend of mine sent me this email the other day and I'd like to share it with you because it cracked me up. This person consented to this, so don't get on my case!
I had a dream last night that finally answers the question "How can you and I have sex with me being in a 'loving' relationship?" The Answer: We just need to get abducted by aliens!!! I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. In the dream, you and I were driving in some desert, when the cliché alien lights appeared over our car. We were sucked up into the ship, and the aliens explained that their technology is fueled by human dreams (or some other nonsense), so they hooked us into the machine, took what they needed, and then said they were going to wipe our memories and bring us back to earth. Then, the brilliance... we reasoned out that if we didn't remember hooking up, then when we got back to earth, it wouldn't have technically happened. We explained our plans to the understanding and accommodating aliens, who left us alone in the dream-sucking chamber...
I think the sci-fi sex dream is funny and elaborate and far better than the dreams I've been having about unpacking stuff. I also think its cute how he thinks this particular question needs to be addressed. And equally cute that his subconscious would rather be abducted by aliens than be monogamous. Oh, boys, you never cease to entertain me!
This friend wants me to write a song about him. I think I'll just adapt the lyrics from this email verbatim. So stay tuned...
I had a dream last night that finally answers the question "How can you and I have sex with me being in a 'loving' relationship?" The Answer: We just need to get abducted by aliens!!! I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. In the dream, you and I were driving in some desert, when the cliché alien lights appeared over our car. We were sucked up into the ship, and the aliens explained that their technology is fueled by human dreams (or some other nonsense), so they hooked us into the machine, took what they needed, and then said they were going to wipe our memories and bring us back to earth. Then, the brilliance... we reasoned out that if we didn't remember hooking up, then when we got back to earth, it wouldn't have technically happened. We explained our plans to the understanding and accommodating aliens, who left us alone in the dream-sucking chamber...
I think the sci-fi sex dream is funny and elaborate and far better than the dreams I've been having about unpacking stuff. I also think its cute how he thinks this particular question needs to be addressed. And equally cute that his subconscious would rather be abducted by aliens than be monogamous. Oh, boys, you never cease to entertain me!
This friend wants me to write a song about him. I think I'll just adapt the lyrics from this email verbatim. So stay tuned...
How Not To Make Friends
On my way to work this morning, I thought "You know what's a good way to meet people? Show shirts. Like if I was to wear my Blur shirt, someone might say "Hey - you like Blur! Me too! Let's be best friends!"
On my way to lunch this afternoon, I was in the elevator with this shaved-head hobbit wearing a Radiohead shirt!
I said "Have you seen them before?" and looked towards his shirt.
He said, timidly, "Yeah."
Pause.
"Where?"
"Liberty Park." (Maybe not Liberty Park. I didn't know where he was talking about, so I just nodded.)
Silence.
Normal people would be like "Yeah, man, the show was awesome" or "Yeah, man, the show totally blew" or "Have you ever seen them?" or "They're my favoritest favorite band."
Awkward.
My building is tall, so I felt like we were in the elevator for a whole minute in awkward silence. I was so upset. How could I have scared this boy with six words? It's not like I said "Hey, I'm new! Be my friend!"
Then he murmers "Have you seen them?"
And I'm scrambling to speak, because this is the first time anyone's spoken to me in weeks outside of the lab or my apartment, and I'm like "Yes..."
And he said "Where?"
And I said "The Tweeter Center in MA...."
And then we were in the lobby and he was going in the opposite direction and I didn't get to tell him my The-Radiohead-Show-Changed-My-Life story.
So. This was a good first attempt, but it didn't really work.
I was talking on the phone last night to a friend, and I was sort of downloading about how I'm feeling a little disappointed with the whole NYC thing. He said "Everyone who knows you loves you. I don't see what the problem is." I think the problem is that everyone who doesn't know me is apparently scared to death of me.
Today I am annoyed that the new Green Day song sounds like an Avril song.
I am also feeling cheesy and am listening to Interpol's "NYC" nonstop. Which reminds me that I have to get Interpol tickets. I shall do that now!
On my way to lunch this afternoon, I was in the elevator with this shaved-head hobbit wearing a Radiohead shirt!
I said "Have you seen them before?" and looked towards his shirt.
He said, timidly, "Yeah."
Pause.
"Where?"
"Liberty Park." (Maybe not Liberty Park. I didn't know where he was talking about, so I just nodded.)
Silence.
Normal people would be like "Yeah, man, the show was awesome" or "Yeah, man, the show totally blew" or "Have you ever seen them?" or "They're my favoritest favorite band."
Awkward.
My building is tall, so I felt like we were in the elevator for a whole minute in awkward silence. I was so upset. How could I have scared this boy with six words? It's not like I said "Hey, I'm new! Be my friend!"
Then he murmers "Have you seen them?"
And I'm scrambling to speak, because this is the first time anyone's spoken to me in weeks outside of the lab or my apartment, and I'm like "Yes..."
And he said "Where?"
And I said "The Tweeter Center in MA...."
And then we were in the lobby and he was going in the opposite direction and I didn't get to tell him my The-Radiohead-Show-Changed-My-Life story.
So. This was a good first attempt, but it didn't really work.
I was talking on the phone last night to a friend, and I was sort of downloading about how I'm feeling a little disappointed with the whole NYC thing. He said "Everyone who knows you loves you. I don't see what the problem is." I think the problem is that everyone who doesn't know me is apparently scared to death of me.
Today I am annoyed that the new Green Day song sounds like an Avril song.
I am also feeling cheesy and am listening to Interpol's "NYC" nonstop. Which reminds me that I have to get Interpol tickets. I shall do that now!
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Goods are good
I have a timer! And a power supply! And two fabulous blue calculators!!!! Now all I need is a vortex genie, a microfuge, and lab tape, and I'll be the happiest girl this side of the East River.
I also bought a red hoodie yesterday. I am wearing it now and it makes me happy.
I recorded last night for the first time in the new place. I still have problems with tempo, but all in all, it went remarkably well considering I've been away from it for months. Hopefully the loft will be connected by the end of the week, at which time I will, gasp, post a song! I can't freaking wait. Maybe then I will feel somewhat normal.
I'll also be able to post photos from my parents' visit. My father literally took 400 pictures while they were here. It's extremely annoying while he's doing it, but he's an amazing photographer and when its all said and done, I am thrilled to have the pictures he's taken.
Their visit was great. At first they were like "You live here? We're taking you home immediately" and they weren't kidding. I said "Could you possibly be any less supportive?"
By the end of the weekend they were enamored with NYC. Of course they were. How could you not be? This is what we did:
1. Ordered food on Friday night and stayed in - $20 for 4 people to eat - Williamsburg, I love you! This was a FIND because this place has amazing potato knishes for only $1.50!
2. Brunch on Saturday at this cool hipster place in Williamsburg that I've now eaten at three times.
3. Times Square - chaos! Naked Cowboy, Nasdaq, lights, taxis, madness! I bought a fabulous pair of pink sparkly sunglasses at the flea market.
4. Rockefeller Center.
5. Central Park - got lost, because you always do, but managed to find Strawberry Fields and the Dakota, which I knew my father would dig.
6. WTC site - really depressing, but you have to go. I'd never been. It's just, well, empty.
7. Dinner in Little Italy which happened to be during the Feast of St. Genarro - I was worried about the parents because there were literally people packed in solid for blocks - but they loved it. Very different from feasts in the North End - rides, hip hop, crazy vendors. And of course I fell in love with Deep Fried Oreos.
8. Hung out on the pier at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge - while there, we saw this violinist from Vienna recording a music video. The guy was unbelievably good. My father took approximately 44 pictures of him as well as three movies using his digital camera.
9. Walked halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge since my father's feet were killing him after all the walking from the day before.
10. Went grocery shopping - found my Tropicana Twister! All is right in the world! Also went to Target, which was insane because its two stories but there is no elevator, so you have to put your cart on this weird escalator/conveyer belt which isn't always functional; needless to say I just carried my stuff around in my hands.
We had a really good time. I was sad to see them go. But since they are smitten, I know we'll do it again.
Photos coming soon....
I also bought a red hoodie yesterday. I am wearing it now and it makes me happy.
I recorded last night for the first time in the new place. I still have problems with tempo, but all in all, it went remarkably well considering I've been away from it for months. Hopefully the loft will be connected by the end of the week, at which time I will, gasp, post a song! I can't freaking wait. Maybe then I will feel somewhat normal.
I'll also be able to post photos from my parents' visit. My father literally took 400 pictures while they were here. It's extremely annoying while he's doing it, but he's an amazing photographer and when its all said and done, I am thrilled to have the pictures he's taken.
Their visit was great. At first they were like "You live here? We're taking you home immediately" and they weren't kidding. I said "Could you possibly be any less supportive?"
By the end of the weekend they were enamored with NYC. Of course they were. How could you not be? This is what we did:
1. Ordered food on Friday night and stayed in - $20 for 4 people to eat - Williamsburg, I love you! This was a FIND because this place has amazing potato knishes for only $1.50!
2. Brunch on Saturday at this cool hipster place in Williamsburg that I've now eaten at three times.
3. Times Square - chaos! Naked Cowboy, Nasdaq, lights, taxis, madness! I bought a fabulous pair of pink sparkly sunglasses at the flea market.
4. Rockefeller Center.
5. Central Park - got lost, because you always do, but managed to find Strawberry Fields and the Dakota, which I knew my father would dig.
6. WTC site - really depressing, but you have to go. I'd never been. It's just, well, empty.
7. Dinner in Little Italy which happened to be during the Feast of St. Genarro - I was worried about the parents because there were literally people packed in solid for blocks - but they loved it. Very different from feasts in the North End - rides, hip hop, crazy vendors. And of course I fell in love with Deep Fried Oreos.
8. Hung out on the pier at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge - while there, we saw this violinist from Vienna recording a music video. The guy was unbelievably good. My father took approximately 44 pictures of him as well as three movies using his digital camera.
9. Walked halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge since my father's feet were killing him after all the walking from the day before.
10. Went grocery shopping - found my Tropicana Twister! All is right in the world! Also went to Target, which was insane because its two stories but there is no elevator, so you have to put your cart on this weird escalator/conveyer belt which isn't always functional; needless to say I just carried my stuff around in my hands.
We had a really good time. I was sad to see them go. But since they are smitten, I know we'll do it again.
Photos coming soon....
Gift Bag
I got this email yesterday from HR at the new company that said "Please stop by my office when you have a chance. I have a gift bag for you."
I thought "How nice! Perhaps there will be OFFICE SUPPLIES in it." Like a company pen! And maybe even a calculator!
Turns out the bags were from their summer outing. Below is the bag's inventory:
1. beach bag (giant outer beach bag with company logo containing the rest of the contents)
2. not one but two pairs company flips flops
3. company baseball cap
4. company visor
5. two company towels (and very NICE towels - big and fluffy and not entirely hideous)
6. sunscreen
7. lip balm
8. aloe
9. company beach ball
10. company frisbee
11. company thing to hold your drink
12. Fossil watch
13. insulated smaller company beach bag within the beach bag
14. Dance Floor Divas CD compilation
15. cool but slightly creepy transparent paperweight thing with vial of company's approved drug on the inside
MADNESS.
My former company gave us a beach chair that didn't actually function in any way as a chair.
This being said, my former company was generous with office supplies and didn't require you to accout for your presence during every moment of the day.
But really. A Fossil watch? What am I going to do with it? And the flip flops? And the beach ball?
I am psyched about the towels though - now I can have more visitors because I have more towels! - and the beach bags. Not that I'll be going to the beach ever again since I have no friends, but two beach bags!!!!
I thought "How nice! Perhaps there will be OFFICE SUPPLIES in it." Like a company pen! And maybe even a calculator!
Turns out the bags were from their summer outing. Below is the bag's inventory:
1. beach bag (giant outer beach bag with company logo containing the rest of the contents)
2. not one but two pairs company flips flops
3. company baseball cap
4. company visor
5. two company towels (and very NICE towels - big and fluffy and not entirely hideous)
6. sunscreen
7. lip balm
8. aloe
9. company beach ball
10. company frisbee
11. company thing to hold your drink
12. Fossil watch
13. insulated smaller company beach bag within the beach bag
14. Dance Floor Divas CD compilation
15. cool but slightly creepy transparent paperweight thing with vial of company's approved drug on the inside
MADNESS.
My former company gave us a beach chair that didn't actually function in any way as a chair.
This being said, my former company was generous with office supplies and didn't require you to accout for your presence during every moment of the day.
But really. A Fossil watch? What am I going to do with it? And the flip flops? And the beach ball?
I am psyched about the towels though - now I can have more visitors because I have more towels! - and the beach bags. Not that I'll be going to the beach ever again since I have no friends, but two beach bags!!!!
Monday, September 27, 2004
The Feast of St. Gennaro
I'm not sure who St. Gennaro was, but all I have to say is:
Deep fried Oreos = HEAVEN
Song of the Day:
Modest Mouse, "Make Everyone Happy/Mechanical Birds"
I will write more later when I am writing to write and not writing to procrastinate.
Deep fried Oreos = HEAVEN
Song of the Day:
Modest Mouse, "Make Everyone Happy/Mechanical Birds"
I will write more later when I am writing to write and not writing to procrastinate.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Token Emo Post for the Week
Roommate and I went out for drinks last night and she was making fun of Emo people. She knows I'm Emo, so it was all very lighthearted, but she was telling this story about how she was dating this Emo Dude who used his blog to communicate with her. He'd be like "Dude, check out this new photo on my blog" and then she'd go to it and there'd be no photo and instead an entry about what he wants in a relationship (when he was in a pseudo-relationship with her).
It didn't seem all that bizarre to me because I use my blog for similar emotional dispensing.
Hence, my emotional dispensation for the week.
After hitting Duane Reade after work yesterday and then eating a burrito on Bleeker Street that was FAR INFERIOR to the worst burrito I ever had at Anna's, I went home. Roommate was also home. We've been so lethargic and useless. Transition really beats you down.
We're sitting there, watching fuzzy CBS, when my phone rang. It was a call from a happy hour from my old place of employment. All my friends, all together, drinking free drinks, having fun. They meant well. They miss me.
I should have been happy to hear from them, but instead it was extremely depressing. It was actually one of the most depressing moments of my life, to tell you the truth. The first emotion I've felt in NY: sad. Totally, completely, 100% sad.
They were all having so much fun together. I couldn't figure out what I was feeling - like did I miss them? Was I confused as to how things are going on in my absence? I kept thinking "If I was there, I would not be having fun, because I'd be bored with the sameness of it all."
Then it occurred to me that it made me sad because I wasn't having fun. At all. Like I'm here and struggling just to exist. I haven't had time to do anything fun, and that just ain't right. So Roommate and I went out for a drink. At a bar that's three steps from our apartment, because we live in NY and everything is right there. And I had a $6 cosmo with fresh lime juice and got happy and told her Emo things about myself, such as just how sad a phone call can make you.
But yeah. I think talking to them made me feel really pathetic, and all of a sudden it hit me that I don't know anyone. Nobody. There are no social options at all. Which for me is basically the most scathing form of torture.
Right... the point of this post... holy digression....
Roommate gave me a fabulous pep talk during which she explained that it will take time, we'll find our group, and that it will be easy because everyone in NY is a transplant. Everyone here, for whatever reason, uprooted their entire life and is trying to rebuild it here. Everyone here understands what its like to be alone, and everyone will talk to you about it. I just have to be more outgoing. Right. Just talk to strangers. Ignore every introverted Bostonian instinct I have and talk to strangers.
And also get out there. I will go out 3/5 nights next week. Karaoke, live music, and a movie. Those are my tasks. Find three places. Be less Emo. Awesome.
It didn't seem all that bizarre to me because I use my blog for similar emotional dispensing.
Hence, my emotional dispensation for the week.
After hitting Duane Reade after work yesterday and then eating a burrito on Bleeker Street that was FAR INFERIOR to the worst burrito I ever had at Anna's, I went home. Roommate was also home. We've been so lethargic and useless. Transition really beats you down.
We're sitting there, watching fuzzy CBS, when my phone rang. It was a call from a happy hour from my old place of employment. All my friends, all together, drinking free drinks, having fun. They meant well. They miss me.
I should have been happy to hear from them, but instead it was extremely depressing. It was actually one of the most depressing moments of my life, to tell you the truth. The first emotion I've felt in NY: sad. Totally, completely, 100% sad.
They were all having so much fun together. I couldn't figure out what I was feeling - like did I miss them? Was I confused as to how things are going on in my absence? I kept thinking "If I was there, I would not be having fun, because I'd be bored with the sameness of it all."
Then it occurred to me that it made me sad because I wasn't having fun. At all. Like I'm here and struggling just to exist. I haven't had time to do anything fun, and that just ain't right. So Roommate and I went out for a drink. At a bar that's three steps from our apartment, because we live in NY and everything is right there. And I had a $6 cosmo with fresh lime juice and got happy and told her Emo things about myself, such as just how sad a phone call can make you.
But yeah. I think talking to them made me feel really pathetic, and all of a sudden it hit me that I don't know anyone. Nobody. There are no social options at all. Which for me is basically the most scathing form of torture.
Right... the point of this post... holy digression....
Roommate gave me a fabulous pep talk during which she explained that it will take time, we'll find our group, and that it will be easy because everyone in NY is a transplant. Everyone here, for whatever reason, uprooted their entire life and is trying to rebuild it here. Everyone here understands what its like to be alone, and everyone will talk to you about it. I just have to be more outgoing. Right. Just talk to strangers. Ignore every introverted Bostonian instinct I have and talk to strangers.
And also get out there. I will go out 3/5 nights next week. Karaoke, live music, and a movie. Those are my tasks. Find three places. Be less Emo. Awesome.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Jimmy
There's this man who picks up the biohazard waste for my company. He is an old man whose name is the same name as a former president. He was raised in New York and then found his way elsewhere, but he can't live without this city.
I couldn't have written a character better for the screenplay of my life right now. He functions as both a therapist and a provider of sagely world wisdom.
He's adorable. He's a former jazz guitarist who's played with the greats. He's lived everywhere,
seen it all, been through it all. He said "My kids live down in Virginia. They want me to come and live with them, but I'm not done yet. I haven't done it all yet. I can't stand the quiet. If I don't hear ambulances, its not right."
Just now he said, "What's up for the weekend?"
This question made me sort of sad, because I don't know anyone yet so I don't really have any weekend plans. Aside from parents' visit. I told him that I was slightly nervous about this, since this will be the first time my parents have ever stayed with me. I said I was hoping not to disappoint them with my lack of furniture and lack of connectivity to the outside world. I said I was concerned that they would want to do things and that I don't even know how to get to Central Park yet.
He said:
"Do what you can do. The point is to show your folks 'Hey, I'm surviving on my own.' That's the whole thing. They won't understand how you can live this way, but they'll know you're doing it,
and that's what matters."
Yes, Jimmy, yes. I am making this work. I made this work and I'm making it work, and if we don't eat dinner in Little Italy, they will deal because they will be happy for me.
I couldn't have written a character better for the screenplay of my life right now. He functions as both a therapist and a provider of sagely world wisdom.
He's adorable. He's a former jazz guitarist who's played with the greats. He's lived everywhere,
seen it all, been through it all. He said "My kids live down in Virginia. They want me to come and live with them, but I'm not done yet. I haven't done it all yet. I can't stand the quiet. If I don't hear ambulances, its not right."
Just now he said, "What's up for the weekend?"
This question made me sort of sad, because I don't know anyone yet so I don't really have any weekend plans. Aside from parents' visit. I told him that I was slightly nervous about this, since this will be the first time my parents have ever stayed with me. I said I was hoping not to disappoint them with my lack of furniture and lack of connectivity to the outside world. I said I was concerned that they would want to do things and that I don't even know how to get to Central Park yet.
He said:
"Do what you can do. The point is to show your folks 'Hey, I'm surviving on my own.' That's the whole thing. They won't understand how you can live this way, but they'll know you're doing it,
and that's what matters."
Yes, Jimmy, yes. I am making this work. I made this work and I'm making it work, and if we don't eat dinner in Little Italy, they will deal because they will be happy for me.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Bill Pullman
One of the main differences between Boston and NY is that if you see a guy who looks just like Bill Pullman on the streets of NY, it might very well be Bill Pullman!
I saw a guy this morning who looked just like Bill Pullman. Well, a haggard, real-life version of Bill Pullman. I was standing on the corner with him waiting to cross the street to my office. He looked very confused and then ran in the opposite direction towards a post office. He ran like Bill Pullman too. Maybe it was actually Bill Pullman. I almost said "You look very familiar" but figured that was lame. I should have just said "LoneStarr!"
I saw a guy this morning who looked just like Bill Pullman. Well, a haggard, real-life version of Bill Pullman. I was standing on the corner with him waiting to cross the street to my office. He looked very confused and then ran in the opposite direction towards a post office. He ran like Bill Pullman too. Maybe it was actually Bill Pullman. I almost said "You look very familiar" but figured that was lame. I should have just said "LoneStarr!"
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Everyone Wants to Visit You When You Live in NY
Last night my roommate rollerskated in the apartment. It is so big and empty that she actually had the space to do some rad rollerskating maneuvers in there. It's one of those things I know I'll never forget - roommate rollerskating around to classical music while blowing bubbles at the cat. As she would say, "I heart New York."
Day 2 was ok. Met some folks who know people from my former company, which is comforting. There's something nice about complete strangers uttering the names of people you know. It makes you feel less isolated. Various people introduced themselves to me today. Perhaps they were confused by me yesterday. Now they know I actually work here and are no longer scared.
People are inviting themselves down to NY for visits. I am thrilled, but I am thinking about it and if all of these people come to visit, I'll literally be having visitors every weekend until Christmas, which is cool, but we don't even have a couch. A certain fertile friend of mine invited himself over for more than a week, but he said he'd be my personal assistant during that time period and would do Man Things such as hang pictures and carry a couch to our apartment, as well as Slave Things such as meet with cable guy and do laundry.
It is 5:30 and I am going to leave, because my new company has actual hours which go from 9:00 - 5:30, and people leave guilt-free at 5:30. How novel! Not that I'm doing any work yet - just office-paperwork-nonsense. Tomorrow I hit the bench and I am surprisingly excited.
And soon there will be music on the blog again. If all goes according to plan, I will be able to record a new song tomorrow night and get it up by the end of the week and that will make me feel a bit more normal as well.
Day 2 was ok. Met some folks who know people from my former company, which is comforting. There's something nice about complete strangers uttering the names of people you know. It makes you feel less isolated. Various people introduced themselves to me today. Perhaps they were confused by me yesterday. Now they know I actually work here and are no longer scared.
People are inviting themselves down to NY for visits. I am thrilled, but I am thinking about it and if all of these people come to visit, I'll literally be having visitors every weekend until Christmas, which is cool, but we don't even have a couch. A certain fertile friend of mine invited himself over for more than a week, but he said he'd be my personal assistant during that time period and would do Man Things such as hang pictures and carry a couch to our apartment, as well as Slave Things such as meet with cable guy and do laundry.
It is 5:30 and I am going to leave, because my new company has actual hours which go from 9:00 - 5:30, and people leave guilt-free at 5:30. How novel! Not that I'm doing any work yet - just office-paperwork-nonsense. Tomorrow I hit the bench and I am surprisingly excited.
And soon there will be music on the blog again. If all goes according to plan, I will be able to record a new song tomorrow night and get it up by the end of the week and that will make me feel a bit more normal as well.
Monday, September 20, 2004
First Days
Apparently I am a New Yorker.
Preliminary observations:
One should not go grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon. I used to think the Star Market in Porter Square was insane on the weekend. Not so! I waited in line for 35 minutes yesterday at the supermarket around the corner from my apartment.
It's weird that this particular supermarket sells Grape Hawaiian Punch but not the regular kind. That's wrong on so many levels. Song coming soon....
The building in which my new company is located, like the building in which I live, has male models.
My current company requires a form to be filled out in order to receive office supplies.
Despite my not liking baseball, I was all offended today when the people in the lunchroom were discussing "the game" and making fun of the Red Sox.
This kid who was in orientation with me noticed the Kerry/Edwards button on my bag and said "Who put that there!? Please tell me it wasn't you!" I should have said, "Dude, I'm a socialist" but instead I said, "Dude, are you a republican?" to which he replied "I'm just me" and the conversation just died. I'm not in Kansas anymore! The best thing about this kid, though, is that he's in the safety department and graduated with a degree in History/PoliSci, which explains A LOT about various safety departments.
I can't function without Weather Phone. How will I find the New York equivalent of Weather Phone?
Every time I walk out of my building and see the Manhattan skyline I gasp. Every. Time. I can't believe I'm here.
Preliminary observations:
One should not go grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon. I used to think the Star Market in Porter Square was insane on the weekend. Not so! I waited in line for 35 minutes yesterday at the supermarket around the corner from my apartment.
It's weird that this particular supermarket sells Grape Hawaiian Punch but not the regular kind. That's wrong on so many levels. Song coming soon....
The building in which my new company is located, like the building in which I live, has male models.
My current company requires a form to be filled out in order to receive office supplies.
Despite my not liking baseball, I was all offended today when the people in the lunchroom were discussing "the game" and making fun of the Red Sox.
This kid who was in orientation with me noticed the Kerry/Edwards button on my bag and said "Who put that there!? Please tell me it wasn't you!" I should have said, "Dude, I'm a socialist" but instead I said, "Dude, are you a republican?" to which he replied "I'm just me" and the conversation just died. I'm not in Kansas anymore! The best thing about this kid, though, is that he's in the safety department and graduated with a degree in History/PoliSci, which explains A LOT about various safety departments.
I can't function without Weather Phone. How will I find the New York equivalent of Weather Phone?
Every time I walk out of my building and see the Manhattan skyline I gasp. Every. Time. I can't believe I'm here.
Friday, September 10, 2004
We Got the Apartment!
I feel like Future Roommate and I are war buddies. We've only known each other for two weeks but I feel like we've been to Hell and Back together.
Yesterday morning we got left Boston at 4:30 am to go to NY to sign our lease. We actually signed the lease. We got the keys. It seems like its good. I am so suspicious of something going wrong after this entire process, but really, we have the keys and paperwork, so I think its ours!
I will be excited once the relief has warn off.
Yesterday morning we got left Boston at 4:30 am to go to NY to sign our lease. We actually signed the lease. We got the keys. It seems like its good. I am so suspicious of something going wrong after this entire process, but really, we have the keys and paperwork, so I think its ours!
I will be excited once the relief has warn off.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Renting an apartment in NY is harder than buying a home
I can't even begin to explain how stressful this has been. I should preface this by saying that it is all worth it. I am excited. I can't wait. I can't wait to get to NY just as much as I can't wait for the getting-to-NY process to be over.
Here's what has happened:
Future Roommate met with Future Landlord last week. His religious/cultural beliefs prevented him from being able to shake her hand, since she is a woman. He seemed to like her, so made a verbal agreement to meet with us the following Monday to sign the lease.
We spent the next five days faxing in paperwork, getting things notarized, dealing with family members, hunting down the realtor who was trying to hunt down the landlord to make a concrete appointment.
On Sunday night, we decided to take the train down as early as possible on Monday without having a concrete appointment with Future Landlord.
I woke up at 4:45 and was picked up by Future Roommate's friend, who kindly drove us to South Station. We got on the 6:30 train, and got into NY at about 11 am. The realtor called us and told us we could meet with Future Landlord between 10 am and 12pm. Perfect.
We got into NY and jumped on the train. The L, which is our way into Williamsburg, was under construction so we ended up hopping a cab from Union Square or somewhere. We got into Williamsburg and realized we had no idea how to drive to where we were going, but luckily because NY is a grid and makes sense, we found our place without a problem.
We went to the landlord's apartment and he prepped us for what was to occur. We had to just be agreeable, pleasant, only speak when spoken to. Fine. Whatever. I will do whatever it takes to have this apartment. I don't want to be homeless. It is worth it.
We entered Future Landlord's office and he was pleasant enough. He's a little eccentric, slightly abrasive but overall a decent fella with a soft side he most likely rarely shows. He seemed to like us.
Soon it became apparent that he hadn't looked over the 4 reams of paperwork we'd sent him. He's rifling through it, saying things like "Leah, you've had some delinquent credit issues." I'm like "WHAT?" I have perfect credit. He's like "Your card went missing." Right, the whole wallet-being-stolen-before-the-Red-Sox-game-fiasco.
He's asking weird questions about the origin of our last names, my religious beliefs (the Hebrew origin of my name was of much interest to him), her ethnic origin, cancer research, etc.
He said "Girls, I like you. I'd love you to live in my building, but I have some concerns. My concern is that you haven't started your new jobs yet. What if something happens? How will you pay the rent?"
We said "This is why we have guarantors."
He said "Your guarantors don't make enough money. I've rented units to students with no income as long as their parents make six figures."
Boiling.
"Do you know anyone else who could cosign?"
Future Roommate said she could ask her hated uncle to cosign, but there's nobody else I can ask. I don't know anyone who makes a lot of money. Nor should I have to, since I have a job. I have a job that will allow me to pay my rent. I have made myself, and I should not be given things based on whether or not I know someone who has money. That's ridiculous. I wanted to yell "Dude, wouldn't you rather have self-made people with integrity in your building rather than ingrateful students?" but I didn't.
I said "No, I don't."
This lease is month-to-month. This makes no sense. His concern is that should the lease become yearly, which it may, we might be unable to pay the rent. But couldn't we cross that bridge when we come to it? Couldn't we just see what happens?
It also makes no sense because I have money saved. The man was theoretically holding copies of three of my bank statements.
In an unprecedented aggressive and risky move which I hope will characterize my new New York self, I said "Sir, I really don't see what the problem is. As you can tell from my bank statements, I am clearly responsible with my finances and also have quite a bit of money saved, which means you aren't at risk." He said "Bank statements?" He didn't have them, but I did because I am anal and brought files! Yay! He looked at them and said "This is all yours?" I said "Yes." He nodded and said "OK. I have a question. You can say 'no,' but I'll throw it out there anyway. Would you be willing to put down four months security deposit on this place plus first month's rent to live here?"
"YES."
He said "I'll draw up the lease and come back on Thursday to sign it."
Man.
So difficult. It's my last full week in Boston and I have to go to NY again on Thursday. I have to get up at 4:30 am again on Thursday. I have to give this man insane amounts of money to live in his building. I have to indulge his power trip.
The beauty of this, however, is that I can indulge his power trip because I am independent and because I said something, even though he could have kicked us right out when I spoke up. I was concerned he'd be like "Aggressive female! She rubs me the wrong way and therefore cannot live in my building" but it seems like he actually respected it. If I hadn't spoken up, there would be no apartment. I got that apartment for myself and I am proud.
There still might be no apartment because you never know with this guy, but I am hoping hoping hoping there is.
I will keep you posted.
Word.
Here's what has happened:
Future Roommate met with Future Landlord last week. His religious/cultural beliefs prevented him from being able to shake her hand, since she is a woman. He seemed to like her, so made a verbal agreement to meet with us the following Monday to sign the lease.
We spent the next five days faxing in paperwork, getting things notarized, dealing with family members, hunting down the realtor who was trying to hunt down the landlord to make a concrete appointment.
On Sunday night, we decided to take the train down as early as possible on Monday without having a concrete appointment with Future Landlord.
I woke up at 4:45 and was picked up by Future Roommate's friend, who kindly drove us to South Station. We got on the 6:30 train, and got into NY at about 11 am. The realtor called us and told us we could meet with Future Landlord between 10 am and 12pm. Perfect.
We got into NY and jumped on the train. The L, which is our way into Williamsburg, was under construction so we ended up hopping a cab from Union Square or somewhere. We got into Williamsburg and realized we had no idea how to drive to where we were going, but luckily because NY is a grid and makes sense, we found our place without a problem.
We went to the landlord's apartment and he prepped us for what was to occur. We had to just be agreeable, pleasant, only speak when spoken to. Fine. Whatever. I will do whatever it takes to have this apartment. I don't want to be homeless. It is worth it.
We entered Future Landlord's office and he was pleasant enough. He's a little eccentric, slightly abrasive but overall a decent fella with a soft side he most likely rarely shows. He seemed to like us.
Soon it became apparent that he hadn't looked over the 4 reams of paperwork we'd sent him. He's rifling through it, saying things like "Leah, you've had some delinquent credit issues." I'm like "WHAT?" I have perfect credit. He's like "Your card went missing." Right, the whole wallet-being-stolen-before-the-Red-Sox-game-fiasco.
He's asking weird questions about the origin of our last names, my religious beliefs (the Hebrew origin of my name was of much interest to him), her ethnic origin, cancer research, etc.
He said "Girls, I like you. I'd love you to live in my building, but I have some concerns. My concern is that you haven't started your new jobs yet. What if something happens? How will you pay the rent?"
We said "This is why we have guarantors."
He said "Your guarantors don't make enough money. I've rented units to students with no income as long as their parents make six figures."
Boiling.
"Do you know anyone else who could cosign?"
Future Roommate said she could ask her hated uncle to cosign, but there's nobody else I can ask. I don't know anyone who makes a lot of money. Nor should I have to, since I have a job. I have a job that will allow me to pay my rent. I have made myself, and I should not be given things based on whether or not I know someone who has money. That's ridiculous. I wanted to yell "Dude, wouldn't you rather have self-made people with integrity in your building rather than ingrateful students?" but I didn't.
I said "No, I don't."
This lease is month-to-month. This makes no sense. His concern is that should the lease become yearly, which it may, we might be unable to pay the rent. But couldn't we cross that bridge when we come to it? Couldn't we just see what happens?
It also makes no sense because I have money saved. The man was theoretically holding copies of three of my bank statements.
In an unprecedented aggressive and risky move which I hope will characterize my new New York self, I said "Sir, I really don't see what the problem is. As you can tell from my bank statements, I am clearly responsible with my finances and also have quite a bit of money saved, which means you aren't at risk." He said "Bank statements?" He didn't have them, but I did because I am anal and brought files! Yay! He looked at them and said "This is all yours?" I said "Yes." He nodded and said "OK. I have a question. You can say 'no,' but I'll throw it out there anyway. Would you be willing to put down four months security deposit on this place plus first month's rent to live here?"
"YES."
He said "I'll draw up the lease and come back on Thursday to sign it."
Man.
So difficult. It's my last full week in Boston and I have to go to NY again on Thursday. I have to get up at 4:30 am again on Thursday. I have to give this man insane amounts of money to live in his building. I have to indulge his power trip.
The beauty of this, however, is that I can indulge his power trip because I am independent and because I said something, even though he could have kicked us right out when I spoke up. I was concerned he'd be like "Aggressive female! She rubs me the wrong way and therefore cannot live in my building" but it seems like he actually respected it. If I hadn't spoken up, there would be no apartment. I got that apartment for myself and I am proud.
There still might be no apartment because you never know with this guy, but I am hoping hoping hoping there is.
I will keep you posted.
Word.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
How To Find an Apartment in NYC
They said it would not be easy to find an apartment in NYC. I had no idea finding an apartment in NYC would be nothing like finding an apartment in Boston. Nothing. Different planets.
Rebecca and I headed down to the city this past weekend to look at places with my Future Roommate. We saw a total of three apartments – one was a 1 bedroom that could be converted into a small 2 bedroom (this is what they call a “convertible” apartment in NY lingo); one that had a shower in the kitchen and a bathroom that was basically a toilet and only a toilet (no windows, no sink) and didn’t really have two actual bedrooms; and one that was shaped like a donut. The realtor who was selling us the donut, Brian, had promised to show us three properties earlier in the week when I made the appointment, but when we showed up actually had nothing to show us. The donut was cool. It had potential. We threw down a security deposit on it and then thought better of it. I think we liked the idea of having a place more than the idea of this place in particular.
(Sidenote: Saw "Avenue Q" which was amazing - you should all see it - its like Sesame Street meets They Might Be Giants - relevant and brilliant!)
We headed back down yesterday by car to look at more places.
I woke up at 4:45 and met Future Roommate in Kendall Square at, gasp, 6 am. This means that I woke up FOUR HOURS EARLIER than I usually do. I was sick as a dog, and we were tired. We missed our exit off the Mass Pike, got back on, and then got on going the wrong way and therefore missed it again. We got into Williamsburg at around 11:30 and then headed into the city.
We were first met by Sam who was channeling Crispin Glover and who was wearing fabulous sunglasses with red lenses. He was ultra-cool, but was only able to show us a super-sterile place in the East Village. The apartment was AMAZING – glistening new, free utilities (including air conditioning!), gigantic, but more like a commune than a NY apartment with character. Later than day, Sam left me a voicemail apologizing for not showing us more places because we was dealing with "this pain in the ass who wanted a studio."
We were then blown off for our next appointment. Hmph.
Appointment Three was with Vic, a Russian who instantly fell in love with Future Roommate and who lied to us about only having first floor apartments when we told him we were sketched out by first floor apartments. He then called back and said, “Actually, I have an apartment on the second floor. And an apartment on the third floor. And an apartment on the fourth floor.”
Next was Sean, who we called spontaneously because Future Roommate liked his ads featuring Ninjas and seagulls. We met him at his apartment, where we were asked to remove our shoes so as not to damage the green-stained wood floor of his amazing loft. He showed us some raw loft space in Williamsburg that required walking up 75 million flights of stairs in 100 degree weather while I had a raging headache and massive congestion.
Then we met Brian again, who AGAIN really didn’t have anything to show us. We had tortured Brian the previous weekend so were quite amazed that he agreed to see us again. We think he has a love/hate thing with us. I really would have liked to have bought something from Brian just to prove we aren’t fickle, but whatever.
We then went back to Sean’s, where he showed us the view from the top of his building. We both sighed when we got up there. Exquisite. Hopefully he will invite us over so we can enjoy it in the future. This view was better than the view from atop Certain Someone’s apartment because you can see the water. Hmmmmmm.
He then took us to another loft space across from his, which houses male models and hopefully our future apartment!!!!! We both gasped when we walked into these lofts. They are AMAZING. I won’t go into it now so as not to jeopardize things.
We decided to talk things over before placing another hasty security deposit, so told Sean we’d talk about it over dinner. It was adorable because we were so excited about our new loft that we walked through the entirety of Williamsburg basically skipping and doing everything in our power not to do cartwheels and therefore walked by every restaurant. We finally ended up at a small Polish restaurant and decided to call Sean.
We had to go midtown to sign the paperwork. The three of us hopped the train and headed into the city. When we got there, Sean explained the following:
1. despite the fact that we are grownups we have to have a guarantor on our lease because we haven't started out new jobs yet
2. the guarantors have tomorrow and tomorrow only to get their paperwork together and have it notarized
3. our paperwork has to be in by tomorrow
4. we can't put a security deposit on it to take it off the market until we've met the landlord, so as far as we know, a bunch of other people could be meeting with the landlord tomorrow
5. we have to meet with the landlord tomorrow, godfather-style, to see if we are worth of living in his building
Not going to happen, because we don’t live in NY! And because there’s no way we can stay in NY the following day and start the paperwork rolling.
We decided that Future Roommate would stay and charm the landlord since she has more charisma than anyone you’ve ever met, and that I’d head back to Boston to get my share of the paperwork done and to feed my cells, because I still feel obligated to do work even though I only have a few days left.
While filling out the piles of paperwork, I checked the web.
No more Fung Wah buses until 11:30. Sketchy.
No more Peter Pan / Greyhound buses until the following day.
No more Amtrak until 3:30 am. Annoying.
I decided to fly. It was the only option. American Airlines had a 10:40 flight that put me in Boston at 11:30. Beautiful. I could take the T back and still get 7 hours of sleep before my dentist appointment. I left the office and realized I was right near the convention. Cops, people in camouflage, heavy artillery, and no cabs. None. No traffic. Just tons of republicans and armed people. Horrifying.
I walked for 20 blocks and finally caught a cab. I was delirious. I just wanted to die. I was so tired and so sick and so irritated about the whole notary thing. I took a cab to JFK that cost $45. I got to the American desk at about 9:15 and the 10:40 was FULL. I didn’t know what to do. I said “I am about to have a meltdown. I really don’t know what to do.” She said “You can take a Delta flight tomorrow at 6.” “Fine.” $230 later I had a ticket but nowhere to stay for the night since my cell phone wasn’t working so I couldn’t call Future Roommate or Certain Someone or anyone! $130 and a few tears later I had a distress room at the Radisson. Took the monorail to the convenience shuttle, the shuttle to the Radisson, got myself a courtesy toothbrush and passed out at about 10:30.
This morning I got up, again, at 4:30, jumped on a plane, got back to Somerville at about 7:45, went through piles of paperwork to find everything from W2s to bank statements to tax returns to offer letters to pay stubs, had plenty of time to get to the dentist but turned out my appointment was cancelled. Wtf?!??! So I went into work and I am still here and sick and tired and hoping Future Roommate’s meeting with the landlord went well.
If we don’t get this place I am seriously going to lose it.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Stress
Not much going on here other than complete and utter STRESS.
Trying to hold things together at work. I don't know how the world can expect me to function at work when I have so many other things to think about, and things that are far more important than my current job.
In other news, I have found a roommate! She too is relocating from Boston. I think this worked out so well because her mother, like mine, was praying to St. Anthony. Heh. She is very cool, likes karaoke, is a texture vegetarian, and has lots of kitchen stuff. I am thrilled. We will begin looking for apartments this weekend during the Republican Convention with the assistance of Rebecca.
In Sister News, my sister played her first show as the bassist for 8 mm Fuzz on Tuesday! The show was great. It was in Salem. It might has well have been on another planet. There were bikers and ladies with 80s hair dancing. All I have to say is Steve = Rock Starrrrrrr. Man. They were really good. Vick looked hot.
I'll write more when things are less chaotic. Now I must eat lunch.
8 mm Fuzz First Show Ever
Trying to hold things together at work. I don't know how the world can expect me to function at work when I have so many other things to think about, and things that are far more important than my current job.
In other news, I have found a roommate! She too is relocating from Boston. I think this worked out so well because her mother, like mine, was praying to St. Anthony. Heh. She is very cool, likes karaoke, is a texture vegetarian, and has lots of kitchen stuff. I am thrilled. We will begin looking for apartments this weekend during the Republican Convention with the assistance of Rebecca.
In Sister News, my sister played her first show as the bassist for 8 mm Fuzz on Tuesday! The show was great. It was in Salem. It might has well have been on another planet. There were bikers and ladies with 80s hair dancing. All I have to say is Steve = Rock Starrrrrrr. Man. They were really good. Vick looked hot.
I'll write more when things are less chaotic. Now I must eat lunch.
8 mm Fuzz First Show Ever
Monday, August 23, 2004
Over My Head
So. I am taking a breath to update my blog. It's bizarre how you wake up one day thinking your life is a certain way, and then everything changes after checking your cell phone messages on your way back to work from therapy. So here's what's been going on:
I am moving to NYC pending a successful background check, which I think will be fine as long as they don't question my residence during the summer of 1998 when I was living in someone's dining room in the Fenway.
I am realizing that I am a planner, and the idea of moving to NYC without having a home is stopping me from sleeping. Worst case scenario I move to NYC, rent a room for a few weeks while I endure the stress/confusion of starting a new job, not knowing where I am, not knowing a soul, while I look at apartments every night while still paying rent in Boston to store my stuff. I am compulsively checking Craigslist, responded to 10 ads today and have heard back from none. I've planned a trip to NYC this weekend to look at apartments but don't know if I'll have anything to see. God. I am completetly freaking out and am trying not to have a total meltdown while I still work crazy hours, try to figure out how to break this to my grandparents, try to see everyone I know one last time before I leave, pack, logistics, strangers, the unknown, ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In other Craigslist news, I posted an ad for my broken digital camera and everyone wants to buy it from me. How lovely! If I sell that thing, it will fund half a week in a stranger's room in NYC!
Beth's last ever karaoke party was this weekend. I was nostalgic. It's truly the end of an era. People sang "New York, New York" to me and I felt weepy.
I saw Collateral this weekend. Please NEVER SEE IT. Tom Cruise needs to be stopped.
I also saw Garden State last week, which was ok. It was Graduate-like but not nearly as good. My review: overrated. Some interesting characters, but nothing spectacular. There was REALLY BAD KISSING involving Natalie Portman and that guy from Scrubs. I have had a thing against Natalie Portman ever since I saw her dancing at Aria in Boston when she was 19. The girl has no rhythm. None. I felt very sorry for her, but now that I know she has no rhythm, I have less respect for her. This could possibly explain the awkward kissing. She also has a very large head. She was great in The Professional, but mainly because she was little and its ok for little kids to have large heads.
I had fabulous crepes cooked by my dear friend Jamie this past week, and I kept thinking "Who will cook me crepes in New York?"
I started sort of packing - like braving the world under my bed for the first time since I moved to Somerville. I found all sorts of crazy things such as college photos, sheet music I forgot existed, and a scrapbook from my first job out of college. I looked through it and it made me cry. Not because I miss the people or the job or even that part of my life, but because I miss who I was then. I was reading the cards that they gave me when I left, and I was such a different person then. It was before I was jaded and bitter and broken. They appreciated me for all the things I wish I was still was. It could be just that I am older and therefore not the red-pant-wearing energetic psycho I was. Or it could be because I am no longer surrounded by people who appreciate my shoes. Someone described me as "effervescent." Nobody would say that now, because I don't allow myself to effervesce because I am scared to death of attracting something that will break me again. Plus my confidence has been destroyed so I am less likely to wear red pants even though I am dying to.
Also in this scrapbook was a card from The Sandwich Who Shall Not Be Named that he gave me on my last day at that job. He used words like "always" and "forever" and "I'll be there for
you" and "the best." Agony. I gave Beth the scrapbook but kept the Sandwich's card, because it might someday remind me why I left Boston.
There's so much more, but I have to pick up my dry cleaning because I am afraid that I will forget about it and it will be in Somerville for the rest of time!
I am moving to NYC pending a successful background check, which I think will be fine as long as they don't question my residence during the summer of 1998 when I was living in someone's dining room in the Fenway.
I am realizing that I am a planner, and the idea of moving to NYC without having a home is stopping me from sleeping. Worst case scenario I move to NYC, rent a room for a few weeks while I endure the stress/confusion of starting a new job, not knowing where I am, not knowing a soul, while I look at apartments every night while still paying rent in Boston to store my stuff. I am compulsively checking Craigslist, responded to 10 ads today and have heard back from none. I've planned a trip to NYC this weekend to look at apartments but don't know if I'll have anything to see. God. I am completetly freaking out and am trying not to have a total meltdown while I still work crazy hours, try to figure out how to break this to my grandparents, try to see everyone I know one last time before I leave, pack, logistics, strangers, the unknown, ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In other Craigslist news, I posted an ad for my broken digital camera and everyone wants to buy it from me. How lovely! If I sell that thing, it will fund half a week in a stranger's room in NYC!
Beth's last ever karaoke party was this weekend. I was nostalgic. It's truly the end of an era. People sang "New York, New York" to me and I felt weepy.
I saw Collateral this weekend. Please NEVER SEE IT. Tom Cruise needs to be stopped.
I also saw Garden State last week, which was ok. It was Graduate-like but not nearly as good. My review: overrated. Some interesting characters, but nothing spectacular. There was REALLY BAD KISSING involving Natalie Portman and that guy from Scrubs. I have had a thing against Natalie Portman ever since I saw her dancing at Aria in Boston when she was 19. The girl has no rhythm. None. I felt very sorry for her, but now that I know she has no rhythm, I have less respect for her. This could possibly explain the awkward kissing. She also has a very large head. She was great in The Professional, but mainly because she was little and its ok for little kids to have large heads.
I had fabulous crepes cooked by my dear friend Jamie this past week, and I kept thinking "Who will cook me crepes in New York?"
I started sort of packing - like braving the world under my bed for the first time since I moved to Somerville. I found all sorts of crazy things such as college photos, sheet music I forgot existed, and a scrapbook from my first job out of college. I looked through it and it made me cry. Not because I miss the people or the job or even that part of my life, but because I miss who I was then. I was reading the cards that they gave me when I left, and I was such a different person then. It was before I was jaded and bitter and broken. They appreciated me for all the things I wish I was still was. It could be just that I am older and therefore not the red-pant-wearing energetic psycho I was. Or it could be because I am no longer surrounded by people who appreciate my shoes. Someone described me as "effervescent." Nobody would say that now, because I don't allow myself to effervesce because I am scared to death of attracting something that will break me again. Plus my confidence has been destroyed so I am less likely to wear red pants even though I am dying to.
Also in this scrapbook was a card from The Sandwich Who Shall Not Be Named that he gave me on my last day at that job. He used words like "always" and "forever" and "I'll be there for
you" and "the best." Agony. I gave Beth the scrapbook but kept the Sandwich's card, because it might someday remind me why I left Boston.
There's so much more, but I have to pick up my dry cleaning because I am afraid that I will forget about it and it will be in Somerville for the rest of time!
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Holy S*#%$@!!!!!!!!! I am moving to NYC!!!!!!
I am still waiting for the official confirmation, but I post this because I need your help!!!!
Does ANYONE know anyone in the NYC area who is looking for a roommate for 9/1?
Or...
Does anyone know anyone in NYC who might know someone who is looking for a roommate for 9/1?
My plan is to move 9/16, but I realize that most leases don't start on that date.
I am very excited but will remain super stressed until I have an apartment.
Does ANYONE know anyone in the NYC area who is looking for a roommate for 9/1?
Or...
Does anyone know anyone in NYC who might know someone who is looking for a roommate for 9/1?
My plan is to move 9/16, but I realize that most leases don't start on that date.
I am very excited but will remain super stressed until I have an apartment.
Monday, August 16, 2004
The Week In Review
It has been a while since I’ve written because things have been a bit on the bizarre side. I feel like I might be on the verge of a major life transition, and therefore should not be devoting massive amounts of time to the writing and recording of music. This is not to say that I am not working on a bunch of things. It’s just that they’re never going to be presentable to the world because I don’t have enough time to focus on them. If things go according to my master plan, I will be completely alone within two months time and will therefore have time to write and record all sorts of songs. Until then, dear readers, I shall provide brief updates in journal form. As if you care.
Some things that happened this past week:
1. Certain Someone broke up with ME. Yes, folks, he blamed ME for our inability to form a connection. I realize that this is all for the best, because liking him is not enough when I wasn’t sure I liked us. I agreed with most of what he said, but its still absurd. He wished he could date someone like me. He never did anything to deserve me. I am disappointed, because I’d have liked it to work out even though I knew it was most likely doomed. I am also disappointed that I was so taken aback that I failed to rage and to articulate the fact that it is HE who is frigid, challenging, self-absorbed, and impossible to connect with. HE is the one who has never been in love at age 31 and whose parents keep asking him what is wrong with him. Not me. I’m EASY. Tell me you like my shirt or offer me a glass of water at your apartment and I’m yours forever. There was a decent amount of crying (not in front of Certain Someone, though, since his android program on what tears are is probably defunct) and a slight alteration in eating habits. Oh well. I guess my main regret is that I've lost a friend, and it was good to hang out as friends. And I'd still like to know him, although my suspicion is that I will not. The timing of this sucked as I had to go to NYC the following afternoon for an interview with a Large-ish Biotech Company in Greenwich Village.
2. I had an interview at a Large-ish Biotech Company in NYC! It was awesome. I am not going to say anything beyond this as I refuse to be optimistic again. It was lovely because they paid for me to stay in a hotel and I felt very business-person-like. I also slept like a baby because there was air conditioning. They took me out to lunch. It’s in the Village. It’s, dare I say it, a good job!
3. There was no air conditioning at my company last week. No amount of Hulk popsicles can make me feel better about the fact that they expect us to work in a 90 degree building while wearing a lab coat and gloves!
4. My company had its summer outing, which was for people with families and sporty types. I was originally boycotting it as I am neither a family nor sporty type, but I started getting nostalgic after returning from New York and thought to myself “I should spend time with these people because who knows for long I will know them!” As Val, I received a lovely beach chair with the company name on it (how cool will I be next year on the beach?) and soon realized that boycotting would have been the right thing to do. There was, however, a fabulous jump-in-the-balloon-castle-thing for children, which the adults took over for a bit of time. Jumping in that thing was the most fun I’ve had in a really long time – instantaneously I was 5 years old and felt like all of my coworkers were my best friends. I also received a temporary tattoo that I have fallen in love with. It is an elk (hideous) and it’s above my waist on the right and I am attached. I am thinking that I might get a real one, but what would it be? And as far as I know, no porno starring yours truly was being filmed at the outing this year.
5. Saw “Open Water.” A poorly made movie that assured me that I too can make a movie! Bad acting, bad cinematography, fairly lame dialogue. In spite of all this, it was awesome. It was awesome because I could barely breathe while watching it. Throughout the entire film you’re thinking “What would I do?” “This is the worst thing ever.” “This is so much worse than being stranded in the desert.” “Are the sharks worse than being alone in the ocean and being unable to go anywhere?” “This is utterly terrible.” “Those poor people.” We went for drinks afterwards because we needed to decompress. After we dealt with the movie I soliloquized in fabulous self-pity style about the world’s injustices. Darn sour apple martini made me crazy. That night I dreamt that I was in a ping pong tournament. Weird.
6. Yesterday my sister and I went to visit with my parents in Medway. We went to an open house in Franklin with them to see a really overpriced house that I can only ever dream of owning that my parents think is too small. They will never move. My sister wanted to go to IKEA to buy a platform bed for her new apartment, so we went on a road trip to the newly opened IKEA store in New Haven, CT. It was a zoo. Apparently they are getting traffic of over 20,000 people per day. We bought nothing. It was overwhelming and I feel like I might be a bit too old for IKEA, which is heartbreaking because how can I be too old for IKEA?!?!? I did find a very cool ceiling lamp, but it stressed me out because I don’t know how to hang things from the ceiling.
7. Took the commuter rail to work this morning (I can’t believe people do this every day) and the conductor (well, not the conductor but the guy who collects your money and I’m not sure if he’s called the conductor or something else) looked just like Eminem.
Monday, August 09, 2004
My Brother Has Left the Northeast
This weekend was my brother's last weekend in MA. Armed with 9 chicken salad sandwiches and more patience than any non-member of my family can imagine, he is currently driving back to the midwest (Edwardsville, IL, to be exact) with Sal. They will most likely be arriving there tomorrow. Our good-bye activities included:
1. Fabulous family dinner with just the five of us last night - I can't remember the last time just the five of us sat down for a home-cooked meal. Nostalgia is so tasty. It's sad, though, to see my parents empty-nesting. My brother, despite being extremely busy, managed to find time this past week to video tape some 8 mm film my mother's father had dating back to 1962. He set it to music. The most adorable thing is that my mother looked like an adult even at age 10.
2. Fabulous outing to Red Line on Saturday night. I organized a micro-posse of my friends to go out to Red Line in Harvard Square (which reminds me that I have to publish an old song about Red Line from about a month ago - will try to get that up tomorrow!), which has the best DJ ever on Saturday nights. He will play whatever you want, including deep hip hop cuts from the underground. Very cool. We had a great time dancing like idiots. I was trashed from 1.5 chocolate martinis, both which I spilled.
3. Fabulous field trip to the Museum of Science on Wednesday. I took, gasp, an actual vacation day and we checked out the Lord of the Rings Exhibit. The only bad thing was that I basically knew everything from watching 47 million hours of bonus behind-the-scences WETA workshop footage on the DVDs. It was still cool to see The Ring, hold a replica of Aragorn's sword, and get our photos taken in forced perspective (see below).
1. Fabulous family dinner with just the five of us last night - I can't remember the last time just the five of us sat down for a home-cooked meal. Nostalgia is so tasty. It's sad, though, to see my parents empty-nesting. My brother, despite being extremely busy, managed to find time this past week to video tape some 8 mm film my mother's father had dating back to 1962. He set it to music. The most adorable thing is that my mother looked like an adult even at age 10.
2. Fabulous outing to Red Line on Saturday night. I organized a micro-posse of my friends to go out to Red Line in Harvard Square (which reminds me that I have to publish an old song about Red Line from about a month ago - will try to get that up tomorrow!), which has the best DJ ever on Saturday nights. He will play whatever you want, including deep hip hop cuts from the underground. Very cool. We had a great time dancing like idiots. I was trashed from 1.5 chocolate martinis, both which I spilled.
3. Fabulous field trip to the Museum of Science on Wednesday. I took, gasp, an actual vacation day and we checked out the Lord of the Rings Exhibit. The only bad thing was that I basically knew everything from watching 47 million hours of bonus behind-the-scences WETA workshop footage on the DVDs. It was still cool to see The Ring, hold a replica of Aragorn's sword, and get our photos taken in forced perspective (see below).
Friday, August 06, 2004
Listening to Clinton Is Like Sleeping With Your Ex
Genre: Cute Short Song
Date: 7.26.04
Description:
I think the title says it all. The original song had a bunch of policy-type issues in it, but I realized that all I was really trying to say was that listening to Clinton speak at the DNC made me the perfect combination of nostalgic and unnecessarily hopeful that I became delusional.
Lyrics:
I'm proposing that we revamp the US constitution
So we can reelect Bill Clinton
Listening to Clinton is like sleeping with your ex
Who you miss and who you love, with whom you fucked things up
It fixes things in the immediate
Things seem FINE when Clinton speaks
Sadly in two weeks reality sets in
You'll be reminded who you're now in bed with
And we'll all be depressed again
I'm proposing that we revamp the US consitution
So we can reelect Bill Clinton
And if you won't listen to me then
Hopefully we'll get Hillary
Date: 7.26.04
Description:
I think the title says it all. The original song had a bunch of policy-type issues in it, but I realized that all I was really trying to say was that listening to Clinton speak at the DNC made me the perfect combination of nostalgic and unnecessarily hopeful that I became delusional.
Lyrics:
I'm proposing that we revamp the US constitution
So we can reelect Bill Clinton
Listening to Clinton is like sleeping with your ex
Who you miss and who you love, with whom you fucked things up
It fixes things in the immediate
Things seem FINE when Clinton speaks
Sadly in two weeks reality sets in
You'll be reminded who you're now in bed with
And we'll all be depressed again
I'm proposing that we revamp the US consitution
So we can reelect Bill Clinton
And if you won't listen to me then
Hopefully we'll get Hillary
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Climb
Genre: Emo Piano
Date: 7.30.04
Description:
This is an actual song. With verses, chorus, and even a bridge-type thing! It’s not a bridge as much as it is bookends, because it’s at the beginning and end of the song. I really like this song. It’s melancholy at first, but you should give it a try.
Nevertheless….
I went to Certain Someone’s apartment in the East Village following the three interviews this past week. He has a fabulous rooftop. I declared late in the evening that I intended to go up to the rooftop, which meant that I was going up to the rooftop alone. Not that I wanted to be alone. Certain Someone is just oblivious. I looked over the city, and began to allow the disappointment of the interviews to sink in.
He eventually appeared on the rooftop and then promptly disappeared around a corner. Certain Someone is very independent and is prone to disappearing at times unannounced and to even forgetting that I am there. You can imagine my surprise when he said “Leah!” I followed his voice and found him climbing a ladder to an even higher point on the rooftop.
I joined him. Breathtaking. There was nothing above us. We were above everything – the people, the city, the other rooftops, the world. It’s not like when you’re lying in a field and you look up and get lost in the sky and stars because there are no trees in your way. It’s like that, except you are lying on concrete and you don’t get lost in the sky, because the sky doesn’t look like the sky. You can’t tell what it is. You can barely see stars, and there is smoke and colors and depth and confusion. It’s amazing.
Up there, I really did get lost. It made me so happy and so sad. It was soothing, because up there I thought “This makes me happy.” Uncompromisingly happy. There is no question in mind that this is what I want. And then so upsetting, because the full reality of that not happening any time in the near future hit me. “This makes me happy, but I cannot have this.”
The disappointment made me want to cry. Or laugh. Or jump. Or jump on him. I did none of these things. I didn’t want to be Dramatic, Melancholy, or Vulnerable. Instead, as always, I opted for Aloof. I desperately wanted him to say “Are you ok?” Then I could say “Actually, no, I’m not.” And then maybe he’d give me a hug or smile or say something like “It will work out.” But he never asks.
Lyrics:
Its so much more lonely when you feel lonely
When you’re with someone else
Than if you feel lonely when you’re just lonely
I’ll never forget what this looks like
A rooftop, the summer, you and me above the world
I’ve never seen this before
Unobstructed
There’s nothing in the way
We’re so close to the stars
But I can’t tell that that’s what they are
We could be underwater
We could be in another galaxy
We could be looking down
I’ve climbed to nowhere
I climbed to get here
I’ll never forget what this feels like
You take another sip
You don’t offer a kiss
I say nothing
I always say nothing
I can’t tell if I’m flying or drowning
I want this to be mine too
I want to explain this to you
I want you to know all these things without my having to say them
A breeze, you tease
You give this to me
You can’t follow through
Thank you
Thanks for reminding me
I’m afraid to climb down
I don’t want to go back to the ground
Let’s just stay here
Let’s be here
I’m trying
The moon is nearly full
And I’m hollow
I’m trying
Things these days aren’t surprising
I’m climbing
But I always fall back to the ground
Date: 7.30.04
Description:
This is an actual song. With verses, chorus, and even a bridge-type thing! It’s not a bridge as much as it is bookends, because it’s at the beginning and end of the song. I really like this song. It’s melancholy at first, but you should give it a try.
Nevertheless….
I went to Certain Someone’s apartment in the East Village following the three interviews this past week. He has a fabulous rooftop. I declared late in the evening that I intended to go up to the rooftop, which meant that I was going up to the rooftop alone. Not that I wanted to be alone. Certain Someone is just oblivious. I looked over the city, and began to allow the disappointment of the interviews to sink in.
He eventually appeared on the rooftop and then promptly disappeared around a corner. Certain Someone is very independent and is prone to disappearing at times unannounced and to even forgetting that I am there. You can imagine my surprise when he said “Leah!” I followed his voice and found him climbing a ladder to an even higher point on the rooftop.
I joined him. Breathtaking. There was nothing above us. We were above everything – the people, the city, the other rooftops, the world. It’s not like when you’re lying in a field and you look up and get lost in the sky and stars because there are no trees in your way. It’s like that, except you are lying on concrete and you don’t get lost in the sky, because the sky doesn’t look like the sky. You can’t tell what it is. You can barely see stars, and there is smoke and colors and depth and confusion. It’s amazing.
Up there, I really did get lost. It made me so happy and so sad. It was soothing, because up there I thought “This makes me happy.” Uncompromisingly happy. There is no question in mind that this is what I want. And then so upsetting, because the full reality of that not happening any time in the near future hit me. “This makes me happy, but I cannot have this.”
The disappointment made me want to cry. Or laugh. Or jump. Or jump on him. I did none of these things. I didn’t want to be Dramatic, Melancholy, or Vulnerable. Instead, as always, I opted for Aloof. I desperately wanted him to say “Are you ok?” Then I could say “Actually, no, I’m not.” And then maybe he’d give me a hug or smile or say something like “It will work out.” But he never asks.
Lyrics:
Its so much more lonely when you feel lonely
When you’re with someone else
Than if you feel lonely when you’re just lonely
I’ll never forget what this looks like
A rooftop, the summer, you and me above the world
I’ve never seen this before
Unobstructed
There’s nothing in the way
We’re so close to the stars
But I can’t tell that that’s what they are
We could be underwater
We could be in another galaxy
We could be looking down
I’ve climbed to nowhere
I climbed to get here
I’ll never forget what this feels like
You take another sip
You don’t offer a kiss
I say nothing
I always say nothing
I can’t tell if I’m flying or drowning
I want this to be mine too
I want to explain this to you
I want you to know all these things without my having to say them
A breeze, you tease
You give this to me
You can’t follow through
Thank you
Thanks for reminding me
I’m afraid to climb down
I don’t want to go back to the ground
Let’s just stay here
Let’s be here
I’m trying
The moon is nearly full
And I’m hollow
I’m trying
Things these days aren’t surprising
I’m climbing
But I always fall back to the ground
Monday, August 02, 2004
Interviews
Another weekend in NYC. This time I was there because I had not one, not two, but THREE job interviews. Because I had THREE job interviews, I allowed myself, for the first time in my entire life, to put aside my usual cynicism about the world and skepticism about anything in my own life working out. I started looking for apartments in Williamsburg. I started looking into how costly it would be to move a piano from Boston to New York. I started looking into audio production classes at NYU that begin in October.
And then, not one, not two, but THREE potential jobs sucked beyond all comprehension.
Job 1 - working in a windowless lab studying HIV with the best looking man I've ever met who happens to be only a few years older than me and who doesn't seem to care all that much about science or my credentials; surrounded by miserable people who are afraid of their PI who is a freaky eccentric mad scientist (song coming soon) with shifty eyes and greasy hair who is condescending and called me "naive" and said they'd make me an offer that wouldn't be what I wanted but wouldn't be "insulting" either while he put his feet on his desk
Job 2 - working in a cancer vaccine lab with great people, AWESOME science, and most animated and inspiring PI of all time; the job, unfortunately, is not only the most boring thing ever but also has mad stress associated with it - basically making cancer vaccines for patients which involves tissue culture 100% of the time - au revoir bench science and hello to being paranoid about not being entirely sterile - as if BL2+ wasn't annoying enough!; working with a bunch of women who don't understand molecular biology - my lamenting not having any mini preps or ELISAs or westerns to do would most certainly fall upon deaf ears
Job 3 - working in prostate cancer lab studying something or other under a PI who has No. Social. Skills. - the man can't make eye contact, can't really explain what he is doing or what was really going on in his lab; I met with some random kids in the lab and they were all miserable and inarticulate and antisocial and science-hating; the kid who I'd be replacing is also a FREAK and going to dental school and started showing me where all of his stuff is as if I'd already accepted the job - he showed me cells and gels and various things I didn't care about because the PI is the biggest freak ever (like child molester freaky); and again, no windows, no people, no potential
This is extraordinarily depressing. I don't recommend having three job interviews within 24 hours, especially when they're all dead ends. I don't really know what to do. I know I want to move. I had a fabulous time running around the city, being lost in the city, being alone in the city. It is amazing to me how used to NY I got. Returning to Boston just seemed unnatural. I walked into my bedroom and it was unfamiliar. What I don't know is at what cost I will move. Is it worth it to be in NY with a job I know I'll detest in order to not be here?
And then, not one, not two, but THREE potential jobs sucked beyond all comprehension.
Job 1 - working in a windowless lab studying HIV with the best looking man I've ever met who happens to be only a few years older than me and who doesn't seem to care all that much about science or my credentials; surrounded by miserable people who are afraid of their PI who is a freaky eccentric mad scientist (song coming soon) with shifty eyes and greasy hair who is condescending and called me "naive" and said they'd make me an offer that wouldn't be what I wanted but wouldn't be "insulting" either while he put his feet on his desk
Job 2 - working in a cancer vaccine lab with great people, AWESOME science, and most animated and inspiring PI of all time; the job, unfortunately, is not only the most boring thing ever but also has mad stress associated with it - basically making cancer vaccines for patients which involves tissue culture 100% of the time - au revoir bench science and hello to being paranoid about not being entirely sterile - as if BL2+ wasn't annoying enough!; working with a bunch of women who don't understand molecular biology - my lamenting not having any mini preps or ELISAs or westerns to do would most certainly fall upon deaf ears
Job 3 - working in prostate cancer lab studying something or other under a PI who has No. Social. Skills. - the man can't make eye contact, can't really explain what he is doing or what was really going on in his lab; I met with some random kids in the lab and they were all miserable and inarticulate and antisocial and science-hating; the kid who I'd be replacing is also a FREAK and going to dental school and started showing me where all of his stuff is as if I'd already accepted the job - he showed me cells and gels and various things I didn't care about because the PI is the biggest freak ever (like child molester freaky); and again, no windows, no people, no potential
This is extraordinarily depressing. I don't recommend having three job interviews within 24 hours, especially when they're all dead ends. I don't really know what to do. I know I want to move. I had a fabulous time running around the city, being lost in the city, being alone in the city. It is amazing to me how used to NY I got. Returning to Boston just seemed unnatural. I walked into my bedroom and it was unfamiliar. What I don't know is at what cost I will move. Is it worth it to be in NY with a job I know I'll detest in order to not be here?
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
DNC
The DNC is here!!! I am working on many songs.
A couple preliminary observations:
1. it seems, at least as of right now, that Boston overreacted - I haven't been searched, I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary, everything is pretty much the same, at least for me, as it was pre-convention *
2. confining "free speech" to a zone negates the whole "free" part of free speech
3. Hillary (in canary) rules
4. Bill Clinton, the best speaker ever, makes me nostalgic - the song I am working on right now is about how I wish we could just re-elect Bill
5. GIDEON YAGO is in town!!!!!
* To steal a story from my sister, though - she's on the orange line the other day carrying her bass in a case, and a policeman comes up to her, looks at her, looks at the case, and says "I'm sure there's just a guitar in there." Well done, policeman!
A couple preliminary observations:
1. it seems, at least as of right now, that Boston overreacted - I haven't been searched, I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary, everything is pretty much the same, at least for me, as it was pre-convention *
2. confining "free speech" to a zone negates the whole "free" part of free speech
3. Hillary (in canary) rules
4. Bill Clinton, the best speaker ever, makes me nostalgic - the song I am working on right now is about how I wish we could just re-elect Bill
5. GIDEON YAGO is in town!!!!!
* To steal a story from my sister, though - she's on the orange line the other day carrying her bass in a case, and a policeman comes up to her, looks at her, looks at the case, and says "I'm sure there's just a guitar in there." Well done, policeman!
Monday, July 26, 2004
Start Spreadin The News
Alternate Title: Glial Cell Pornographers
Genre: Piano Melodrama
Date: 7.24.04
Description:
I went to a party on Saturday night. It was ok. The scene was tough on a single heterosexual city girl because probably 75% of the male demographic there was gay. In the cases where straight-ness was obvious, I obviously wasn’t interested. Straight boys don’t have a chance in this sort of environment.
I was moody all night because I am potentially on the verge of a huge transition and I don’t know what I should be doing with myself. I wasn’t up for mingling, so Spider and I kept to ourselves and rehashed our usual diatribe about how people at parties aren’t creative and how we can’t find other people like us.
Other than that, the main conversation was how Spider hates his name and how he thinks it would be cool if when you hit a certain age you were legally obliged to change your name to reflect your grown-up personality. We spent about an hour and a half trying to come up with a new name for him - it was tough, though. Mitch? Jay? Rufus?
When it came to re-naming me, I proposed “Bella” or “Cynicalia” or “Snobbinia.” Spider suggested “Bitchy Face” and then said “Val.” I was thrilled by this due to its Tiffany-Amber-Thiessen-ness but also just because I like the name and think I am convincing as a Val. He said “But not Valerie. Valkyrie.” Yes. Yes yes yes. This is great for many reasons, the most important of which is that I would have theme music. And its origin suggests very cool parents. And its bad ass. And subtle, because I can just be “Val.” Yes yes yes. I am seriously considering just being “Val” if/when I move.
We also discussed my potentially changing my entire life soon, and how I romantically hope that NY will make me more often manic. This song is basically what Spider said in response to that.
Lyrics:
Spider said “New York is the end of the line.”
“If New York sucks you might as well kill yourself.”
I’m afraid he’s right
If I can’t be happy there I can’t be happy anywhere
Spider said “New York is the end.”
Genre: Piano Melodrama
Date: 7.24.04
Description:
I went to a party on Saturday night. It was ok. The scene was tough on a single heterosexual city girl because probably 75% of the male demographic there was gay. In the cases where straight-ness was obvious, I obviously wasn’t interested. Straight boys don’t have a chance in this sort of environment.
I was moody all night because I am potentially on the verge of a huge transition and I don’t know what I should be doing with myself. I wasn’t up for mingling, so Spider and I kept to ourselves and rehashed our usual diatribe about how people at parties aren’t creative and how we can’t find other people like us.
Other than that, the main conversation was how Spider hates his name and how he thinks it would be cool if when you hit a certain age you were legally obliged to change your name to reflect your grown-up personality. We spent about an hour and a half trying to come up with a new name for him - it was tough, though. Mitch? Jay? Rufus?
When it came to re-naming me, I proposed “Bella” or “Cynicalia” or “Snobbinia.” Spider suggested “Bitchy Face” and then said “Val.” I was thrilled by this due to its Tiffany-Amber-Thiessen-ness but also just because I like the name and think I am convincing as a Val. He said “But not Valerie. Valkyrie.” Yes. Yes yes yes. This is great for many reasons, the most important of which is that I would have theme music. And its origin suggests very cool parents. And its bad ass. And subtle, because I can just be “Val.” Yes yes yes. I am seriously considering just being “Val” if/when I move.
We also discussed my potentially changing my entire life soon, and how I romantically hope that NY will make me more often manic. This song is basically what Spider said in response to that.
Lyrics:
Spider said “New York is the end of the line.”
“If New York sucks you might as well kill yourself.”
I’m afraid he’s right
If I can’t be happy there I can’t be happy anywhere
Spider said “New York is the end.”
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Whoa...
I've just notified people about this blog. Now I am paranoid. This is how I felt when people heard "Plumb Forgot." It was cool, yes, but I felt like someone was reading my diary. (well, at least at the time most people gave me a $5 donation to read my diary) I guess songs about "I, Robot" aren't as traumatic as songs about having your heart walked all over by an evil, terrible, insensitive, narcissistic bastard (s), but still. I wonder if anyone will listen to these. We'll see. Hopefully My Mundane Life In Song will become a global phenomenon.
It Is Cool When Tons of Robots Climb On Things
Genre: Waltz
Date: 7.16.04
Description:
Last weekend I went to see "I, Robot." You can't even begin to fathom how excited I was about this. Canadian Jon (aka "SuperFly") was in town and we went to see it. As far as I know, nobody in the theater was impregnated. This song is my review of "I, Robot." And I don't care what anyone says - it was fun and the robots looked cool. (WARNING: there is a SPOILER in the song! but you should listen to it anyway because the plot of the movie is really inconsequential)
Lyrics:
Will Smith is flexing his robotic arm
Will Smith is gratuitously showering
And placing products such as Converse
But I liked the movie anyway
Cuz robots rule
And it is cool
When tons of robots climb on things
And take over
The people who made them
What's with the robot detsroying that guy's house
And why the kid? Oh - Viki did it
And is Will Smith really flexing his robotic arm again?
Robots rule
And it is cool
When robots fight and robots feel
Despite bad one liners
And bad acting and a bad screenplay
"I, Robot" was fun anyway
I'll take a robot story anyway
But only if they revolt against people
Date: 7.16.04
Description:
Last weekend I went to see "I, Robot." You can't even begin to fathom how excited I was about this. Canadian Jon (aka "SuperFly") was in town and we went to see it. As far as I know, nobody in the theater was impregnated. This song is my review of "I, Robot." And I don't care what anyone says - it was fun and the robots looked cool. (WARNING: there is a SPOILER in the song! but you should listen to it anyway because the plot of the movie is really inconsequential)
Lyrics:
Will Smith is flexing his robotic arm
Will Smith is gratuitously showering
And placing products such as Converse
But I liked the movie anyway
Cuz robots rule
And it is cool
When tons of robots climb on things
And take over
The people who made them
What's with the robot detsroying that guy's house
And why the kid? Oh - Viki did it
And is Will Smith really flexing his robotic arm again?
Robots rule
And it is cool
When robots fight and robots feel
Despite bad one liners
And bad acting and a bad screenplay
"I, Robot" was fun anyway
I'll take a robot story anyway
But only if they revolt against people
Passport Song
Genre: 80s pop song
Date: 7.15.04
Description:
My friend Nancy has recently moved to Europe to be with her fabulous boyfriend who she met in South America. Very long story, the net of which is that she will soon be living in France. She invited me to visit, but I couldn't go right away because, sadly, I did not have a passport. I know, I know - sad but true. I've never been anywhere that requires a passport. It finally came in the mail last week (it was debateable whether or not it would come since I don't have a driver's license and a state-issued ID that looks exaclty like a driver's license but has no expiration date may not have been good enough to get a passport blah blah). The picture is ok - its not bad considering they wouldn't retake it and I'm so ridiculously unphotogenic. The only problem is that there's this ridiculous stray section of hair right over my face. THE HORROR. So now I have a passport, and with it comes all of this pressure to travel! Everyone's like "Where are you going to go?" So many options. I just don't know. I definitely want to go to France at some point soon. But I don't know where my life is headed, and I just can't commit.
Lyrics:
When I got home from work today I received a nice surprise
My long awaited passport has arrived
Until 2014 I can go anywhere I want
As a US citizen I'll plan vacations
Or most likely I won't
Cuz I have noone to go with
Egypt, France, Australia, Kenya
Anywhere I want well maybe not Cuba
The world is mine
Italy it's about time
But I probably won't go there
Cuz I have noone to share it with
My passport is a ticket to feel even more pathetic
Date: 7.15.04
Description:
My friend Nancy has recently moved to Europe to be with her fabulous boyfriend who she met in South America. Very long story, the net of which is that she will soon be living in France. She invited me to visit, but I couldn't go right away because, sadly, I did not have a passport. I know, I know - sad but true. I've never been anywhere that requires a passport. It finally came in the mail last week (it was debateable whether or not it would come since I don't have a driver's license and a state-issued ID that looks exaclty like a driver's license but has no expiration date may not have been good enough to get a passport blah blah). The picture is ok - its not bad considering they wouldn't retake it and I'm so ridiculously unphotogenic. The only problem is that there's this ridiculous stray section of hair right over my face. THE HORROR. So now I have a passport, and with it comes all of this pressure to travel! Everyone's like "Where are you going to go?" So many options. I just don't know. I definitely want to go to France at some point soon. But I don't know where my life is headed, and I just can't commit.
Lyrics:
When I got home from work today I received a nice surprise
My long awaited passport has arrived
Until 2014 I can go anywhere I want
As a US citizen I'll plan vacations
Or most likely I won't
Cuz I have noone to go with
Egypt, France, Australia, Kenya
Anywhere I want well maybe not Cuba
The world is mine
Italy it's about time
But I probably won't go there
Cuz I have noone to share it with
My passport is a ticket to feel even more pathetic
The Only Love Song I've Ever Written
Genre: Pop Ballad
Date: 5.15.2004
Description:
When Rebecca and I went to New York City back in May, we were hoping to meet some fabulous, good looking city style sugar daddies. We didn't meet any sugar daddies, but we found something much better ....
Lyrics:
Three times ago in New York City
I fell madly in love
Oh Benicio! where have you been all my life?
Oh Benicio! you're the best I've ever had
There's no error and no confusion
We're always on the same page
I trust you, I love you, I want you every day
Oh Benicio
You're not the same color, texture, or planetary origin
As anything I've known before
Which gives you such an advantage over all men
You sing such lovely songs
You never do anything wrong
It's easy with you, you know what to do
You're there whenever I need you
I can't wait to get you alone
If only my roommates weren't at home
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh Benicio
I wish every girl could be just as lucky as me
And render men obsolete
Date: 5.15.2004
Description:
When Rebecca and I went to New York City back in May, we were hoping to meet some fabulous, good looking city style sugar daddies. We didn't meet any sugar daddies, but we found something much better ....
Lyrics:
Three times ago in New York City
I fell madly in love
Oh Benicio! where have you been all my life?
Oh Benicio! you're the best I've ever had
There's no error and no confusion
We're always on the same page
I trust you, I love you, I want you every day
Oh Benicio
You're not the same color, texture, or planetary origin
As anything I've known before
Which gives you such an advantage over all men
You sing such lovely songs
You never do anything wrong
It's easy with you, you know what to do
You're there whenever I need you
I can't wait to get you alone
If only my roommates weren't at home
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh Benicio
I wish every girl could be just as lucky as me
And render men obsolete
Mermaid Parade
Genre: Emo
Date: 6.26.04
Description:
Those of you who know me know that I love going to psychics. Not because I believe them, but more because its kind of like therapy. I've been wanting to write a song about going to a psychic for a long time. This song kind of sucks - I hate the arrangement, it's extremely melodramatic, but I'm putting it up anyway because this psychic I went to really freaked me out and ruined my day. But it felt good anyway.
Lyrics:
Time warp, hot dogs, Coney Island's in full force
Mermaids, bullets of paint and a fortune teller in full garb
I'll have her read my cards
She said "My dear, I can see you've been unlucky
So much pain, you poor poor thing
But my dear, you've had opportunities
You can't hold onto things
You don't let anyone know you
There are nice things for people to know...
"The one you're with now, it's in limbo,
he's not the one, just so you know
In 2005, the one will arrive,
and it will be for life...
"You thought you find your soulmate, pain pain pain
There's a woman who's wishing you pain pain pain
Your karma - it's bad
You resent your dad
You hate your career
You're searching, you're hoping to find yourself here...
"My dear, so much to fix
My dear, my dear, it will get better than this."
It was so fucked up how well she knew me
It felt so good to have somebody know me
Date: 6.26.04
Description:
Those of you who know me know that I love going to psychics. Not because I believe them, but more because its kind of like therapy. I've been wanting to write a song about going to a psychic for a long time. This song kind of sucks - I hate the arrangement, it's extremely melodramatic, but I'm putting it up anyway because this psychic I went to really freaked me out and ruined my day. But it felt good anyway.
Lyrics:
Time warp, hot dogs, Coney Island's in full force
Mermaids, bullets of paint and a fortune teller in full garb
I'll have her read my cards
She said "My dear, I can see you've been unlucky
So much pain, you poor poor thing
But my dear, you've had opportunities
You can't hold onto things
You don't let anyone know you
There are nice things for people to know...
"The one you're with now, it's in limbo,
he's not the one, just so you know
In 2005, the one will arrive,
and it will be for life...
"You thought you find your soulmate, pain pain pain
There's a woman who's wishing you pain pain pain
Your karma - it's bad
You resent your dad
You hate your career
You're searching, you're hoping to find yourself here...
"My dear, so much to fix
My dear, my dear, it will get better than this."
It was so fucked up how well she knew me
It felt so good to have somebody know me
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Online Ink Blot Test
Genre: Waltz
Date: 7.15.04
Description:
Got a link for an ink blot test in my email and had a few minutes to kill, so I took the test. It was extraordinarily stressful. I had no idea what things looked like. I was, however, really happy with my results:
Leah, your subconscious mind is driven most byImagination
This means you have a deep desire to use innovativeideas to enhance your life and influence the worldaround you. This drive influences you far more thanyou may realize on a conscious level.
Your need to be innovative drives how you look at newopportunities and the kinds of experiences in life youchoose to have. On an unconscious level, the reasonyou may be so driven by imagination is your fear ofdestruction, the opposite of creation. When you areunable to create due to restrictions imposed by yourenvironment or even ones you unwittingly impose onyourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You mayfind these feelings of unease only get better when youfind another outlet for your imagination.
With such a strong creative orientation, you arewilling to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at anygiven time. The world is a fuller, richer placebecause you can contribute new ideas to anyexperience. Your natural curiosity inspires thosearound you and encourages them to come up with ideasthey wouldn't have thought of without your help.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most stronglyby Imagination, there is much more to who you are atyour core.
If you would like to take the test, here is the link:
http://web.tickle.com/tests/inkblot/result.jsp
Lyrics:
Online ink blot test
Animals, moods, insects
Testicles and breasts
Fairies having sex
Online ink blot test
Causing me no end of stress
Do I see the right things?
Masks, seahorses, anatomy
Reactions
Subconscious
Demons, butterflies and people
Anger, love, fear, and arousal
I'm done with my ink blot test
The results are in
I guess I did ok
My subconscious is driven by imagination
Date: 7.15.04
Description:
Got a link for an ink blot test in my email and had a few minutes to kill, so I took the test. It was extraordinarily stressful. I had no idea what things looked like. I was, however, really happy with my results:
Leah, your subconscious mind is driven most byImagination
This means you have a deep desire to use innovativeideas to enhance your life and influence the worldaround you. This drive influences you far more thanyou may realize on a conscious level.
Your need to be innovative drives how you look at newopportunities and the kinds of experiences in life youchoose to have. On an unconscious level, the reasonyou may be so driven by imagination is your fear ofdestruction, the opposite of creation. When you areunable to create due to restrictions imposed by yourenvironment or even ones you unwittingly impose onyourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You mayfind these feelings of unease only get better when youfind another outlet for your imagination.
With such a strong creative orientation, you arewilling to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at anygiven time. The world is a fuller, richer placebecause you can contribute new ideas to anyexperience. Your natural curiosity inspires thosearound you and encourages them to come up with ideasthey wouldn't have thought of without your help.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most stronglyby Imagination, there is much more to who you are atyour core.
If you would like to take the test, here is the link:
http://web.tickle.com/tests/inkblot/result.jsp
Lyrics:
Online ink blot test
Animals, moods, insects
Testicles and breasts
Fairies having sex
Online ink blot test
Causing me no end of stress
Do I see the right things?
Masks, seahorses, anatomy
Reactions
Subconscious
Demons, butterflies and people
Anger, love, fear, and arousal
I'm done with my ink blot test
The results are in
I guess I did ok
My subconscious is driven by imagination
It's Halloween and Only I Know
Genre: Dance!
Date: 7.9.04
Description:
So my friend Lisa just uprooted her entire life and took a job in Maryland. Good for her! She's totally starting over - doesn't know anyone down there, but she knows she needs change. I am extremely envious. Hopefully my similar plan will come into effect soon. At any rate, as part of her going away activities she decided we should all go to ManRay. I'd never been. I figured it's something you have to do, at least once. So I went. I was very nervous - like I wasn't sure I had the right thing to wear, wasn't sure the people there would be able to tell I was an imposter, wasn't sure if there would be bondage-related activities going on in the restrooms. My repressed-Catholic self was really showing its anxious tendencies that night! Rebecca was kind enough to accompany me, and we had fun applying very dark makeup to our eyes and wearing, eureeka!, wigs. I guess wigs are our fetish. Strangely enough, I realized at the club that I do indeed have a fetish - boys in skirts. Don't know why. It was an experience - interesting, but just not my scene.
Lyrics:
I am sitting on a velvet couch not wanting to dance
While everyone around me is in a rhythmic trance
And the girl sitting next to me is not wearing pants
Here you can be whoever you want to be
As long as you are dark and angsty
At the fetish club it's interesting but not at all fun
Here I am a tourist, my lips are too pink
Unisex bathrooms not sure what I think
Men in latex skirts and robot shirts
Medieval corsets, lace and capes
Dark makeup on pale faces
For me its an opportunity to wear the skanky outift that I'd never wear as me
And actually the girl with the spinal column tatoo is cool
It must have been painful
I guess pain is a fetish I really just don't get this
Consumed with envy
Jealous that they've all found where they fit
In my wig and leggings I sit
Watching them dance alone, blissfully
I am wishing wishing wishing for a hip hop club that doesn't require a uniform
Until then I'll be stuck wiping black from eyes for the rest of the time
At the fetish club there's a show
It's like its Halloween and
Only I know....
Date: 7.9.04
Description:
So my friend Lisa just uprooted her entire life and took a job in Maryland. Good for her! She's totally starting over - doesn't know anyone down there, but she knows she needs change. I am extremely envious. Hopefully my similar plan will come into effect soon. At any rate, as part of her going away activities she decided we should all go to ManRay. I'd never been. I figured it's something you have to do, at least once. So I went. I was very nervous - like I wasn't sure I had the right thing to wear, wasn't sure the people there would be able to tell I was an imposter, wasn't sure if there would be bondage-related activities going on in the restrooms. My repressed-Catholic self was really showing its anxious tendencies that night! Rebecca was kind enough to accompany me, and we had fun applying very dark makeup to our eyes and wearing, eureeka!, wigs. I guess wigs are our fetish. Strangely enough, I realized at the club that I do indeed have a fetish - boys in skirts. Don't know why. It was an experience - interesting, but just not my scene.
Lyrics:
I am sitting on a velvet couch not wanting to dance
While everyone around me is in a rhythmic trance
And the girl sitting next to me is not wearing pants
Here you can be whoever you want to be
As long as you are dark and angsty
At the fetish club it's interesting but not at all fun
Here I am a tourist, my lips are too pink
Unisex bathrooms not sure what I think
Men in latex skirts and robot shirts
Medieval corsets, lace and capes
Dark makeup on pale faces
For me its an opportunity to wear the skanky outift that I'd never wear as me
And actually the girl with the spinal column tatoo is cool
It must have been painful
I guess pain is a fetish I really just don't get this
Consumed with envy
Jealous that they've all found where they fit
In my wig and leggings I sit
Watching them dance alone, blissfully
I am wishing wishing wishing for a hip hop club that doesn't require a uniform
Until then I'll be stuck wiping black from eyes for the rest of the time
At the fetish club there's a show
It's like its Halloween and
Only I know....
Nuclear Football
Alternate Title: What I Learned Because The Stupid Boy Did Not Call
Genre: Musical
Date: 7.8.04
Description:
So two weeks ago a certain someone told me he'd call on a particular night and didn't. Because I am lame and wanted to talk to him, I stayed in that night. With nothing to do, I found myself watching The History Channel on which was a fabulous documentary about the nuclear football. Because I am a girl, I didn't know anything about this! I really thought there was a button somewhere, but no. There is a dude who follows the president at all times with a briefcase that has inside it the directions for declaring nuclear war! Crazy. Of course I am now obsessed and had to write a song.
Lyrics:
Oh nuclear football you have the power to kill us all
Pretending to be a briefcase you can destroy the entire human race
You were born during the Kennedy administration
To protect our beloved nation from the reddening threats of Communism
Oh communism!
Those were the days when we feared real actual missiles
Instead of fabricating ones
Weapons of mass convenience!
In you are some memos along with a phone
The president alone he will read the words
Then he can obliterate Earth if it seems like the right thing to do
He's carrying the codes with his Master Card
If you're the lucky guy who's sought to carry it
You sir should be ready to follow the president
Every single minute
But what happens to you?
When the president has interns to do
When Reagan was shot the hospital took his clothes
And with them your codes! Oh our nuclear woes
Elder Bush left you on the tennis court
Clinton lost your codes when he lost his wallet
The Soviets had one too it went missing during the coup
More like a laptop, more high tech than you!
But the scariest thing of all is that the only president
Who may have seen your documents in Dubya
Who read your contents to Dubya ("nuke-u-lar")
Nuclear football
Kerry save us all!
The only reason I know this at all is because that stupid boy didn't call!
Nuclear football nuclear football
Genre: Musical
Date: 7.8.04
Description:
So two weeks ago a certain someone told me he'd call on a particular night and didn't. Because I am lame and wanted to talk to him, I stayed in that night. With nothing to do, I found myself watching The History Channel on which was a fabulous documentary about the nuclear football. Because I am a girl, I didn't know anything about this! I really thought there was a button somewhere, but no. There is a dude who follows the president at all times with a briefcase that has inside it the directions for declaring nuclear war! Crazy. Of course I am now obsessed and had to write a song.
Lyrics:
Oh nuclear football you have the power to kill us all
Pretending to be a briefcase you can destroy the entire human race
You were born during the Kennedy administration
To protect our beloved nation from the reddening threats of Communism
Oh communism!
Those were the days when we feared real actual missiles
Instead of fabricating ones
Weapons of mass convenience!
In you are some memos along with a phone
The president alone he will read the words
Then he can obliterate Earth if it seems like the right thing to do
He's carrying the codes with his Master Card
If you're the lucky guy who's sought to carry it
You sir should be ready to follow the president
Every single minute
But what happens to you?
When the president has interns to do
When Reagan was shot the hospital took his clothes
And with them your codes! Oh our nuclear woes
Elder Bush left you on the tennis court
Clinton lost your codes when he lost his wallet
The Soviets had one too it went missing during the coup
More like a laptop, more high tech than you!
But the scariest thing of all is that the only president
Who may have seen your documents in Dubya
Who read your contents to Dubya ("nuke-u-lar")
Nuclear football
Kerry save us all!
The only reason I know this at all is because that stupid boy didn't call!
Nuclear football nuclear football
Brooklyn Bridge
Genre: Emo
Date: 6.26.04
Description:
This is a melodramatic piano number about the last time I was in New York City. Being there is great. New York is my muse right now. When I'm there, though, I really have no idea who I am. On this particular occasion, I was visiting with a boy and we weren't clicking. It's asking a lot to click with someone you barely know for an entire weekend, especially when I am displaced and living someone else's life for a few days. We went for pizza in Brooklyn and we discussed that we weren't clicking. Then he suggested we walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, which I was very excited about! I thought it was would amazing - nice, romantic, something I'd remember forever. It was amazing - the view was heaven and it wasn't at all scary. And I will remember it forever, because it was so beautiful, but also because I felt so alone up there with him. That's what this song is about.
Lyrics:
From Brooklyn to Manhattan you're three steps in front of me
I'd like to stand in the middle
I don't know which way I'm going
And I'm not sure that I care about anything other than the aching I feel
For you to look back, for you to notice me
Such a silly fantasy
But if I'm going to go there, I'll go there all the way
In it you could take my hand, you could look back and say
"I'm happy you're here in New York with me."
From Brooklyn to Manhattan you're three steps in front of me
You're always way in front of me
Date: 6.26.04
Description:
This is a melodramatic piano number about the last time I was in New York City. Being there is great. New York is my muse right now. When I'm there, though, I really have no idea who I am. On this particular occasion, I was visiting with a boy and we weren't clicking. It's asking a lot to click with someone you barely know for an entire weekend, especially when I am displaced and living someone else's life for a few days. We went for pizza in Brooklyn and we discussed that we weren't clicking. Then he suggested we walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, which I was very excited about! I thought it was would amazing - nice, romantic, something I'd remember forever. It was amazing - the view was heaven and it wasn't at all scary. And I will remember it forever, because it was so beautiful, but also because I felt so alone up there with him. That's what this song is about.
Lyrics:
From Brooklyn to Manhattan you're three steps in front of me
I'd like to stand in the middle
I don't know which way I'm going
And I'm not sure that I care about anything other than the aching I feel
For you to look back, for you to notice me
Such a silly fantasy
But if I'm going to go there, I'll go there all the way
In it you could take my hand, you could look back and say
"I'm happy you're here in New York with me."
From Brooklyn to Manhattan you're three steps in front of me
You're always way in front of me
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