Friday, January 21, 2005

Zombie

I am a zombie today. I need to balance my time more efficiently so as not to be handling radioactivity while completely delirious.

Let's see.

Mood today - minorly stressed. Not for any reason in particular, just the build up of life chores that will consume more of my weekend than I'd like. I was only in my apartment once this week, so I know that when I get home tonight I will be met by Dirty Loft and Piles of Dishes and Ten Bags of Trash That Need to Be Taken Out and Bills and Hungry Cat and Unpacking and Grocery Shopping. Blah. I also need to work on three comics this weekend. Blah again. It will be hard to do without Photoshop, so I will spend the weekend being stressed out that I am not working on the three comics. I also have to practice music. And oh how I would love to write music. And make progress on the list of 40,000 phone calls that have to be made. My goal is to make and complete 6.

I'd like to relax. I'd like to watch TV. I'd like to read a book or magazine. I'd like to think "Two days with infinite potential!" but instead its two days already booked with personal anal tasks such as the washing of sheets and towels, which I've been procrastinating for months. I live in New York City but will be spending yet another weekend not allowing myself to experience it.

I don't know why I am so unsettled when things linger. I'm sure most people are like "Screw it, I have other things to do, the dishes can wait!" but no, not me. I can't function if the dishes surpass a certain level.

The only leisurely thing I will do this weekend is see Aviator, which is supposed to be good. And long. And escapist. Yes.

The problem with being busy during the week is that your weekends disappear. I have to be more disciplined. I have to be at home. I have to draw at night. I have to call my parents on a Tuesday.

I wanted to shop this weekend. I am having one of those weeks where I loathe my entire wardrobe. I want new jeans and sweaters and black shoes and girly earrings. I also want another haircut. Current haircut, which was exquisite for a month, is growing out weirdly. Too many layers. There is, however, no time for shopping this weekend or a haircut any time in like the next month. Next weekend, I swear!, the comics will be done and I will be walking into fabulous boutiques and spending money I don't have on adorable outfits that will make me feel pretty. And maybe, just maybe!, I will actually go to a museum or gallery, which I have been trying to do since I moved here.

I am supposed to go to a party at Bench Buddy's tonight. His lawyer girl roommates are throwing it, and he's worried. He said "They're not like us." I said "Shit, should I, like, dress up or something to fit in?" and he said "NO!!! NEVER!!!! Come AS IS." Sigh. Little does he know that I won't be coming at all, because I won't be able to leave my house until it is spotless and the mail has been read and I have unpacked and played some piano and fed the cat and laundry is finished and nap is complete. I said "I am going to take a nap tonight before your party, and in all honesty, I might not wake up until tomorrow." I think he understands.

It's difficult because it would be far easier to just say "Bench Buddy, I've been up until all hours this week (and for the past few weeks) hanging out with the most amazing man on the planet," but instead I have to be secretive and lie.

Which was especially difficult today, because I spent a portion of last night with Bench Buddy so he knows I wasn't out on the town raging. D invited a friend of his over and said "You should come by, and you can invite Bench Buddy if you want." The four of us hung out for a bit, during which D made macaroni with many cheeses from scratch and poured me multiple chocolate martinis while we watched Pootie Tang.

(News Flash: We are listening to a Classic Rock station right now and they are playing Stone Temple Pilots' Interstate Love Song. I am old. I also like the song White Room way more than I probably should.)

Bench Buddy got bored and left, so I just pretended that I stayed at D's really late and had more chocolate martinis than I should have. Right. Which isn't really that much of a lie, right? Right!

After Bench Buddy left, the three of us played Hangman, which was surprisingly fun. Not because Hangman in and of itself it fun, but because D's friend is an architect and was getting out of control with his detailed nooses etc. Which prompted us to try to one up each other every time it was our turn to pick the word. D drew a guillotine, I drew a grim reaper and then an electric chair and then death via walking the plank. Arrrgghhhhhh!!!!! D's friend drew lethal injection and death by gunshot and a gory cycling accident.

Once Hangman got old (which it didn't, really, we just couldn't think of any more ways one could be executed) we played 20 Questions. When we were little, I swear this game didn't take hours, but last night we kept picking things that took forever. And it was awesome because someone would ask a global question like "Is it bigger than a basketball?" and then the next person would follow it with something like "Is it fondue?" without having any idea if it was even edible. D was like "Is it really supposed to take 400 questions to figure this out?" It did. Every time. Do we just pick more complex things as adults?

I sucked at it, because I was so tired.

I am still so tired.

I've been writing this entry for hours because I keep getting distracted because I am so tired.

Which reminds me that my experiment is coming up.

OK, folks, an hour more of work and then I am leaving early, because everyone else left early to ski in Vermont, where the high is supposed to be -1.

Stay warm!



Thursday, January 20, 2005

Words

I hate the word lackluster.

HATE IT.

That is all.

Brain Exploding

I went to see a screening of a film called Primer last night. It made me nostalgic, because it was in a screening room just like the screening room at the Coolidge in Brookline. D said "This isn't what I expected" to which I responded "This is exactly what I'd hoped for."

Our journey to the center where the film was shown was lovely, because it was snowing again. Large, fluffy, romantic flakes of snow near the glowing trees of Central Park. I was so happy. I kept thinking "This is what I wanted from New York. This is what I want. And I have it. How new."

The movie was nuts. It was made with no budget. It stars the writer and director and various of his family members and friends, and his friends' family members. If I had to guess, the writer/director is/was a scientist-turned filmmaker, who thought "I have no budget, what do I have access to for sets?" and, like me, when I've had these thoughts, he thought "Well, I have friends with apartments and access to labs, so I'll make a science movie!"

The science was incomprehensible, but it's not important that you understand the Physics. Something about argon and tubing and resistance and a box and a protein and voila! Time travel.

It really explores the dark side of science and time travel. This movie was such a mind fuck. It's the kind of film you need to watch 10 times, and each time have available to you a pencil and paper, preferably graph paper, to figure out what's going on. The moral implications are huge, and really stressed us out afterwards. As did the concept of knowing that your time travelling double could be out there right now doing things that you would or would not know about? I don't know.

Fucking weird.

I really liked it. You should all see it, but be prepared to be very very confused. It made sense for the first hour, but then got completely out of hand. We were trying to discuss it but couldn't, because neither of us really knew what happened. We could only hypothesize. And neither of us had a pen during the movie, so we weren't able to draw diagrams.

I think it was out of hand because it was actually a realistic time travel movie.

I love how as humans we are just unable to deal with the concept of time travel. It's beyond us. It's a dimension we can't comprehend. The implications are vast and scary and amazing. D was going on and on about his theory that time doesn't really exist, and I couldn't handle it. My brain almost exploded. I had to be like "Can we just not talk about this for like an hour because my mind hurts?"

I couldn't get my brain to shut down. I kept thinking "But no, there wouldn't be a double because of x.... and there would only be a double for x amount of time... but then what if the double went back in time too?... and if time is a loop and not a line, this doesn't work... or maybe it does... and what was going on when..."

It's so refreshing when something can have this profound and this new an effect on you as an adult. I feel good today, because I feel like something has been added to my life - philosophically, intellectually, artistically.

I am also inspired, because the guy who made this film changed his life. He must have. He had to have been a physicist or engineer at some point and thought "This sucks - I hate working for a company - I am going to be a filmmaker!" and then took what he knew and made an awesome movie that dealt with science, and a concept that appears often in movies, in a novel way. The movie was raw - there were no overdubs or lighting marvels. He worked with what he had, and made something amazing, which is actually kind of how science works. Take what you do know and see if you can find something that nobody's ever found before.

OK. I have finished gushing. See the movie if its screening near you.

I'm off to do science.



Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Zero Degrees F

The only good thing about the temperature feeling like Zero F is grownups in mittens and ear muffs. I love it. Can't get enough of adults wearing outfits suitable for the Arctic. I love rosey cheeks and watery eyes and heads wrapped in three scarves. So cute.

Yeah, man, it is cold out there. Not as cold as yesterday, though.

I bought the best hat last night. My old hat, which I had no love for anyway, disappeared. Who knew one could actually experience affection for a winter hat? I know, I know, you're thinking "I am a hat person, I look good in hats, so what is there not to love about hats?" Well, some of us look like idiots in hats. I've never had a hat that actually looked good. Not that it really matters, because we all look cute in our winter outfits no matter what they are.

This hat rules, though. I can't even describe it. I might have to post a photo. It's adorable. It's not as much adorable on me as it is just adorable.

Unfortunately they did not have a matching scarf or gloves. Well, that's not true. They did have matching gloves (the kind of gloves that are also mittens!!!) but the gloves were made for people with gigantic hands.

The lack of scarf and mittens has foiled my plan to have my first ever matching set of winter gear, but I'll live. The hat was too adorable to pass up.

But yes. Cold. And no end in sight. But I am not going to complain, because there hasn't been any major snow. I had a dream last night that I was shovelling my parents' driveway - that was the whole dream - just snow and ice and me with a shovel. Then I had a dream that I was on a bus coming back from Medway and that I left my Ipod on my seat while I went to the restroom (the bus was actually a huge, moving bar so it wasn't as horrifying to go to the restroom as you might imagine). While I was in the restroom, I thought "Shit! I left my Ipod on the seat! Somebody is going to steal it!" I wasn't surprised when I got back to my seat and it was missing, but I was surprised that it had been replaced by a decoy Ipod. Weird. I was like "Look, this is weak! This is a blue phone, not a blue Ipod. Who has my Ipod?" which was apparently enough guilt to get the dude who stole it to confess. I gave him back his phone, he gave me the Ipod, all was forgiven and I listened to Death Cab For Cutie. I then went to the bar and told my brother what had happened, and he was like "Do you think I should turn into a superhero?" and I was like "What?" "Do you think I should turn into my alter ego and kick that guy's ass?" and I was like "Well, yes, but where will you change into your outfit?" and he was like "Yeah, you're right. Too difficult." And that was it.

Hmmmmm.

Bench Buddy just specifically put on the video for Toxic on Yahoo Launch. Sigh. We rocked out until it ended and Lindsay Freaking Lohan came on.

And with that, I will stop, because I am about to launch into a diatribe about Lindsay Lohan again. I will spare you all.

Have a lovely Wednesday.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Frogger

Well, not really. I just wanted to write "Frogger," because didn't that make you happy?

Why is it that when somebody offers to paint you a painting on a Friday, you say "I know just what I want it to be!" and then proceed to search the web and find 20,000 pictures of what it will be but fail to save the picture to your desktop because you think you'll find something better on Monday, and then, by Monday, all of the pictures you previously found have been removed from the web? Man. It will still be a good painting, though.

How nice to have a painting to look forward to!

The weekend was good. This is what happened:

1. Sex toy party in Park Slope neighborhood on Friday night. It was freezing out. The directions were given in girl-speak and involved getting out of the subway, looking at a hardware store and then making sure that it was behind you on the right. You were then to walk across a street, then walk down an unnamed street for 1 - 2 blocks until you saw a restaurant with a green awning that was diagonolly across from a barber shop in a through street. Awshummmm. Needless to say I got lost,very very lost. This was mainly because the green restaurant was about 7 blocks from the subway stop, so I walked in every possible direction for four blocks until I finally decided that the girl had no idea where she lived. Which actually ended up being the case, because she had never, in fact, walked the way she sent out in the directions. The party was... interesting. There were snooty student girls wearing black mini skirts and tall boots, who in response to the question "Where do you live?" chuckled snottily "On Manhattan," to which I had to say "WHERE?" which forced them to then admit what crappy neighborhood they lived. in The party itself was bizarre - we were encouraged to try and then buy a plethora of things I didn't know existed. They wanted us to try things that stimulated such things as blood flow, which seemed weird because if the cream that causes a rush of blood to and then stimulation of the clitoris does indeed work for you, what are you supposed to do for the remainder of the party? Just sit there? We put nipple cream on our lips. And edible whatever on our arms and then licked it off. I felt like we should all be best friends after that, but the girls were still snotty.

2. After the party we ventured out to the East Village. The girls warmed up a bit after we talked about hair for 20 minutes. Or maybe it was just the pheremones we'd applied at the party. We went to a cool indie rock place where I fit in better than I fit in at the sex toy party. L and I went for pizza in the middle of this and I had the most exquisite slice of pizza I've ever had - breaded eggplant with sauce, mozzarella, and HUGE chunks of ricotta with garlic in it. Delicious. Hmmmmmmm.

3. Met up with D afterwards - we were both drunk and spastic and said things too soon but I am thrilled. Giddy. Dare I say.... happy?

4. Spent Saturday still giddy and then went out with this guy D from Friendster, who will henceforth be called Friendster D. Friendster D wrote me well before Thanksgiving and we'd been trying since to get together. I kept being too busy, but now I have time because I am not going back to MA and nobody is visiting and I can start making NY friends. I think this was originally supposed to be a date, so I had to be like "Ummm... I am hoping you don't want this to be a date because now I have a... ummm... hard to say.... choke... blah... boyfriend." Heh. He wanted to get together anyway, and we had a lovely time, and I have a friend! He even brought me a present - we'd been writing about Jem and he brought me a pair of earrings that reminded him of the Holograms. See? There are nice people in NYC! Point of this is not that I have Jem-like earrings or that I have a friend, but that Friendster D is childhood friends of the creators of homestarrunner.com. Zowie!!! I called M right away. We are so very close to being friends with They Might Be Giants.

5. Saturday night was drawing Blade 3 stick figures. Aside from strangely accurate lips on Parker Posey, it is a disaster, but hopefully a readable and strangely charming disaster.

6. Sunday was groceries and laundry and Golden Globes and Natalie Portman winning and my being mortified by her win (she sucked in that movie) and her big head and her wearing a nightgown that reminded me of the creepy drummer daughter from the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players.

7. And then Sid and Buddy karaoke!!!! But again, no Buddy! Something is wrong. Very wrong. Instead of saying Sid and Buddy, the Lite-Brite sign on the stage said "Sid and YOU!" Best karaoke ever. Even better than last time, as there was a bigger crowd and therefore higher rockstar quotient. I sang Heaven by Warrant, which I must admit was one of my better and more inspired karaoke performances. The crowd was into it. Lighters. Thrashing of hair. Bench Buddy playing an inflatable guitar and doing backup. Yes. My second selection was Fuck and Run by Liz Phair, which was good but I couldn't sing it honestly because, darn it, I have all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas! I was thrilled to see that much of the hipster audience knew the words. I was slightly concerned that nobody would know the song. When I finished Sid said "And that was for all of you men-haters out there." Heh. I think I still hate all of them but one. Well, maybe two, because I don't hate Sid.

8. I was wearing rainbow socks at the bar. But they are weird rainbows - like they have all the colors but blue, which is weird. And the colors are all very luscious - like instead of yellow its more of a mustard. And instead of red its a deep pink. I don't know. You'd have to see them. Point being they are a weird rainbow. There was a dude there with a sweater that was exactly like my socks! I couldn't contain myself. All night I kept being like "R, it's so weird - that guy's sweater is just like my socks!" "No, I mean exactly like my socks!" "Like what are the odds that his sweater is the same exact bizarre rainbow as my socks?" "Why is that guy even wearing a rainbow sweater?" "I can't get over this!" Finally R was like "Would you just go TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT?" So I did, and he was just as excited as me. Heh.

9. When we left karaoke, it was snowing! My first snowfall in New York! It was 3 am and beautiful and I wanted more snow to make a snowman and push D into a snowbank and throw a snowball at him and then make snow angels. I couldn't stop smiling. I was yelling "My first snow!!! My first New York snow!!! And I'm with my first New York friend (L, my friend blind date from September) and my first New York boyfriend!" Bliss, folks, bliss. Long weekends are bliss.

10. Yesterday was supposed to be open mic and a movie, but instead it was lethargy because I slept for two hours the night before. Darn you rum and coke! Darn you karaoke high!!! Darn you cute boy!!!! It was a nap and then delirium, and instead of a movie, Aqua Teen Hunger Force (I still can't stop laughing at the moth / brownies clones) and Curb Your Enthusiasm in D's ice cold apartment where we ate ice cream anyway.

Long weekend, long post.

Hope it wasn't too incoherent. I need some sleep. I will get it tonight. YES!