Genre: Cute Short Song
Date: 7.26.04
Description:
I think the title says it all. The original song had a bunch of policy-type issues in it, but I realized that all I was really trying to say was that listening to Clinton speak at the DNC made me the perfect combination of nostalgic and unnecessarily hopeful that I became delusional.
Lyrics:
I'm proposing that we revamp the US constitution
So we can reelect Bill Clinton
Listening to Clinton is like sleeping with your ex
Who you miss and who you love, with whom you fucked things up
It fixes things in the immediate
Things seem FINE when Clinton speaks
Sadly in two weeks reality sets in
You'll be reminded who you're now in bed with
And we'll all be depressed again
I'm proposing that we revamp the US consitution
So we can reelect Bill Clinton
And if you won't listen to me then
Hopefully we'll get Hillary
Friday, August 06, 2004
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Climb
Genre: Emo Piano
Date: 7.30.04
Description:
This is an actual song. With verses, chorus, and even a bridge-type thing! It’s not a bridge as much as it is bookends, because it’s at the beginning and end of the song. I really like this song. It’s melancholy at first, but you should give it a try.
Nevertheless….
I went to Certain Someone’s apartment in the East Village following the three interviews this past week. He has a fabulous rooftop. I declared late in the evening that I intended to go up to the rooftop, which meant that I was going up to the rooftop alone. Not that I wanted to be alone. Certain Someone is just oblivious. I looked over the city, and began to allow the disappointment of the interviews to sink in.
He eventually appeared on the rooftop and then promptly disappeared around a corner. Certain Someone is very independent and is prone to disappearing at times unannounced and to even forgetting that I am there. You can imagine my surprise when he said “Leah!” I followed his voice and found him climbing a ladder to an even higher point on the rooftop.
I joined him. Breathtaking. There was nothing above us. We were above everything – the people, the city, the other rooftops, the world. It’s not like when you’re lying in a field and you look up and get lost in the sky and stars because there are no trees in your way. It’s like that, except you are lying on concrete and you don’t get lost in the sky, because the sky doesn’t look like the sky. You can’t tell what it is. You can barely see stars, and there is smoke and colors and depth and confusion. It’s amazing.
Up there, I really did get lost. It made me so happy and so sad. It was soothing, because up there I thought “This makes me happy.” Uncompromisingly happy. There is no question in mind that this is what I want. And then so upsetting, because the full reality of that not happening any time in the near future hit me. “This makes me happy, but I cannot have this.”
The disappointment made me want to cry. Or laugh. Or jump. Or jump on him. I did none of these things. I didn’t want to be Dramatic, Melancholy, or Vulnerable. Instead, as always, I opted for Aloof. I desperately wanted him to say “Are you ok?” Then I could say “Actually, no, I’m not.” And then maybe he’d give me a hug or smile or say something like “It will work out.” But he never asks.
Lyrics:
Its so much more lonely when you feel lonely
When you’re with someone else
Than if you feel lonely when you’re just lonely
I’ll never forget what this looks like
A rooftop, the summer, you and me above the world
I’ve never seen this before
Unobstructed
There’s nothing in the way
We’re so close to the stars
But I can’t tell that that’s what they are
We could be underwater
We could be in another galaxy
We could be looking down
I’ve climbed to nowhere
I climbed to get here
I’ll never forget what this feels like
You take another sip
You don’t offer a kiss
I say nothing
I always say nothing
I can’t tell if I’m flying or drowning
I want this to be mine too
I want to explain this to you
I want you to know all these things without my having to say them
A breeze, you tease
You give this to me
You can’t follow through
Thank you
Thanks for reminding me
I’m afraid to climb down
I don’t want to go back to the ground
Let’s just stay here
Let’s be here
I’m trying
The moon is nearly full
And I’m hollow
I’m trying
Things these days aren’t surprising
I’m climbing
But I always fall back to the ground
Date: 7.30.04
Description:
This is an actual song. With verses, chorus, and even a bridge-type thing! It’s not a bridge as much as it is bookends, because it’s at the beginning and end of the song. I really like this song. It’s melancholy at first, but you should give it a try.
Nevertheless….
I went to Certain Someone’s apartment in the East Village following the three interviews this past week. He has a fabulous rooftop. I declared late in the evening that I intended to go up to the rooftop, which meant that I was going up to the rooftop alone. Not that I wanted to be alone. Certain Someone is just oblivious. I looked over the city, and began to allow the disappointment of the interviews to sink in.
He eventually appeared on the rooftop and then promptly disappeared around a corner. Certain Someone is very independent and is prone to disappearing at times unannounced and to even forgetting that I am there. You can imagine my surprise when he said “Leah!” I followed his voice and found him climbing a ladder to an even higher point on the rooftop.
I joined him. Breathtaking. There was nothing above us. We were above everything – the people, the city, the other rooftops, the world. It’s not like when you’re lying in a field and you look up and get lost in the sky and stars because there are no trees in your way. It’s like that, except you are lying on concrete and you don’t get lost in the sky, because the sky doesn’t look like the sky. You can’t tell what it is. You can barely see stars, and there is smoke and colors and depth and confusion. It’s amazing.
Up there, I really did get lost. It made me so happy and so sad. It was soothing, because up there I thought “This makes me happy.” Uncompromisingly happy. There is no question in mind that this is what I want. And then so upsetting, because the full reality of that not happening any time in the near future hit me. “This makes me happy, but I cannot have this.”
The disappointment made me want to cry. Or laugh. Or jump. Or jump on him. I did none of these things. I didn’t want to be Dramatic, Melancholy, or Vulnerable. Instead, as always, I opted for Aloof. I desperately wanted him to say “Are you ok?” Then I could say “Actually, no, I’m not.” And then maybe he’d give me a hug or smile or say something like “It will work out.” But he never asks.
Lyrics:
Its so much more lonely when you feel lonely
When you’re with someone else
Than if you feel lonely when you’re just lonely
I’ll never forget what this looks like
A rooftop, the summer, you and me above the world
I’ve never seen this before
Unobstructed
There’s nothing in the way
We’re so close to the stars
But I can’t tell that that’s what they are
We could be underwater
We could be in another galaxy
We could be looking down
I’ve climbed to nowhere
I climbed to get here
I’ll never forget what this feels like
You take another sip
You don’t offer a kiss
I say nothing
I always say nothing
I can’t tell if I’m flying or drowning
I want this to be mine too
I want to explain this to you
I want you to know all these things without my having to say them
A breeze, you tease
You give this to me
You can’t follow through
Thank you
Thanks for reminding me
I’m afraid to climb down
I don’t want to go back to the ground
Let’s just stay here
Let’s be here
I’m trying
The moon is nearly full
And I’m hollow
I’m trying
Things these days aren’t surprising
I’m climbing
But I always fall back to the ground
Monday, August 02, 2004
Interviews
Another weekend in NYC. This time I was there because I had not one, not two, but THREE job interviews. Because I had THREE job interviews, I allowed myself, for the first time in my entire life, to put aside my usual cynicism about the world and skepticism about anything in my own life working out. I started looking for apartments in Williamsburg. I started looking into how costly it would be to move a piano from Boston to New York. I started looking into audio production classes at NYU that begin in October.
And then, not one, not two, but THREE potential jobs sucked beyond all comprehension.
Job 1 - working in a windowless lab studying HIV with the best looking man I've ever met who happens to be only a few years older than me and who doesn't seem to care all that much about science or my credentials; surrounded by miserable people who are afraid of their PI who is a freaky eccentric mad scientist (song coming soon) with shifty eyes and greasy hair who is condescending and called me "naive" and said they'd make me an offer that wouldn't be what I wanted but wouldn't be "insulting" either while he put his feet on his desk
Job 2 - working in a cancer vaccine lab with great people, AWESOME science, and most animated and inspiring PI of all time; the job, unfortunately, is not only the most boring thing ever but also has mad stress associated with it - basically making cancer vaccines for patients which involves tissue culture 100% of the time - au revoir bench science and hello to being paranoid about not being entirely sterile - as if BL2+ wasn't annoying enough!; working with a bunch of women who don't understand molecular biology - my lamenting not having any mini preps or ELISAs or westerns to do would most certainly fall upon deaf ears
Job 3 - working in prostate cancer lab studying something or other under a PI who has No. Social. Skills. - the man can't make eye contact, can't really explain what he is doing or what was really going on in his lab; I met with some random kids in the lab and they were all miserable and inarticulate and antisocial and science-hating; the kid who I'd be replacing is also a FREAK and going to dental school and started showing me where all of his stuff is as if I'd already accepted the job - he showed me cells and gels and various things I didn't care about because the PI is the biggest freak ever (like child molester freaky); and again, no windows, no people, no potential
This is extraordinarily depressing. I don't recommend having three job interviews within 24 hours, especially when they're all dead ends. I don't really know what to do. I know I want to move. I had a fabulous time running around the city, being lost in the city, being alone in the city. It is amazing to me how used to NY I got. Returning to Boston just seemed unnatural. I walked into my bedroom and it was unfamiliar. What I don't know is at what cost I will move. Is it worth it to be in NY with a job I know I'll detest in order to not be here?
And then, not one, not two, but THREE potential jobs sucked beyond all comprehension.
Job 1 - working in a windowless lab studying HIV with the best looking man I've ever met who happens to be only a few years older than me and who doesn't seem to care all that much about science or my credentials; surrounded by miserable people who are afraid of their PI who is a freaky eccentric mad scientist (song coming soon) with shifty eyes and greasy hair who is condescending and called me "naive" and said they'd make me an offer that wouldn't be what I wanted but wouldn't be "insulting" either while he put his feet on his desk
Job 2 - working in a cancer vaccine lab with great people, AWESOME science, and most animated and inspiring PI of all time; the job, unfortunately, is not only the most boring thing ever but also has mad stress associated with it - basically making cancer vaccines for patients which involves tissue culture 100% of the time - au revoir bench science and hello to being paranoid about not being entirely sterile - as if BL2+ wasn't annoying enough!; working with a bunch of women who don't understand molecular biology - my lamenting not having any mini preps or ELISAs or westerns to do would most certainly fall upon deaf ears
Job 3 - working in prostate cancer lab studying something or other under a PI who has No. Social. Skills. - the man can't make eye contact, can't really explain what he is doing or what was really going on in his lab; I met with some random kids in the lab and they were all miserable and inarticulate and antisocial and science-hating; the kid who I'd be replacing is also a FREAK and going to dental school and started showing me where all of his stuff is as if I'd already accepted the job - he showed me cells and gels and various things I didn't care about because the PI is the biggest freak ever (like child molester freaky); and again, no windows, no people, no potential
This is extraordinarily depressing. I don't recommend having three job interviews within 24 hours, especially when they're all dead ends. I don't really know what to do. I know I want to move. I had a fabulous time running around the city, being lost in the city, being alone in the city. It is amazing to me how used to NY I got. Returning to Boston just seemed unnatural. I walked into my bedroom and it was unfamiliar. What I don't know is at what cost I will move. Is it worth it to be in NY with a job I know I'll detest in order to not be here?
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