Climb

Genre: Emo Piano
Date: 7.30.04



Description:

This is an actual song. With verses, chorus, and even a bridge-type thing! It’s not a bridge as much as it is bookends, because it’s at the beginning and end of the song. I really like this song. It’s melancholy at first, but you should give it a try.

Nevertheless….

I went to Certain Someone’s apartment in the East Village following the three interviews this past week. He has a fabulous rooftop. I declared late in the evening that I intended to go up to the rooftop, which meant that I was going up to the rooftop alone. Not that I wanted to be alone. Certain Someone is just oblivious. I looked over the city, and began to allow the disappointment of the interviews to sink in.

He eventually appeared on the rooftop and then promptly disappeared around a corner. Certain Someone is very independent and is prone to disappearing at times unannounced and to even forgetting that I am there. You can imagine my surprise when he said “Leah!” I followed his voice and found him climbing a ladder to an even higher point on the rooftop.

I joined him. Breathtaking. There was nothing above us. We were above everything – the people, the city, the other rooftops, the world. It’s not like when you’re lying in a field and you look up and get lost in the sky and stars because there are no trees in your way. It’s like that, except you are lying on concrete and you don’t get lost in the sky, because the sky doesn’t look like the sky. You can’t tell what it is. You can barely see stars, and there is smoke and colors and depth and confusion. It’s amazing.

Up there, I really did get lost. It made me so happy and so sad. It was soothing, because up there I thought “This makes me happy.” Uncompromisingly happy. There is no question in mind that this is what I want. And then so upsetting, because the full reality of that not happening any time in the near future hit me. “This makes me happy, but I cannot have this.”

The disappointment made me want to cry. Or laugh. Or jump. Or jump on him. I did none of these things. I didn’t want to be Dramatic, Melancholy, or Vulnerable. Instead, as always, I opted for Aloof. I desperately wanted him to say “Are you ok?” Then I could say “Actually, no, I’m not.” And then maybe he’d give me a hug or smile or say something like “It will work out.” But he never asks.

Lyrics:

Its so much more lonely when you feel lonely
When you’re with someone else
Than if you feel lonely when you’re just lonely

I’ll never forget what this looks like
A rooftop, the summer, you and me above the world
I’ve never seen this before
Unobstructed
There’s nothing in the way
We’re so close to the stars
But I can’t tell that that’s what they are
We could be underwater
We could be in another galaxy
We could be looking down

I’ve climbed to nowhere
I climbed to get here
I’ll never forget what this feels like
You take another sip
You don’t offer a kiss
I say nothing
I always say nothing
I can’t tell if I’m flying or drowning
I want this to be mine too
I want to explain this to you
I want you to know all these things without my having to say them

A breeze, you tease
You give this to me
You can’t follow through
Thank you
Thanks for reminding me
I’m afraid to climb down
I don’t want to go back to the ground
Let’s just stay here
Let’s be here
I’m trying
The moon is nearly full
And I’m hollow
I’m trying
Things these days aren’t surprising
I’m climbing
But I always fall back to the ground