Worst Student Ever

I'm not sure if I nearly had a coronary because I'd forgotten my camera bag at the bar with nearly $3000 worth of essentials within, or because I am and have always been and will always be ridiculously out of shape and still drunkenly ran across the street through thick traffic in order to retrieve it.

It was thankfully right where I'd left it, and when I ran back to catch the train I thought I might die, or at the very least that my heart was somehow making its way up into my throat and was going to strangle me as a punishment for being the worst student ever.

I've shied away from blogging for fear that the blog will only read the following, depending on what moment I chose to write:

"I'm so insecure!"

"Everyone's better than me!"

"People finally looked at the photos and there was positivity!"

"Everyone must be rich!"

"I am inadequate!"

"I've been sheltered!"

"I haven't had a professional job yet and am not taken seriously!"

"I don't know how anyone cares this much about tripods!"

"I don't want to be a student at all times."

"I want to be working on the musical instead."

"If I have to attach my card reader one more time I will scream. Loudly."

"I can't believe I have to buy another computer! Oh, the anxiety!"

"I heart photography!"

"I hate photography!"

I'm settling into this new life and it's taking much longer than I'd anticipated. Also unanticipated is the slacker persona that I seem to have adopted. I'm not as motivated as everyone else is, I'm not as motivated as I should be. I'm trying to figure out why. I think I've been spoiled by salaried work. For the past nine years I've been segregating day and night, and full time students aren't supposed to do that. Yet I'm still doing that. I'm succeeding, so right now there's no reason to behave differently, other than my feeling a sort of isolation from my classmates but I'm not entirely sure that I care.

See? This entry goes under the heading "I'm so insecure!"

I am going to get back into the swing of blogging. I will designate two hours a night for photography (yeah, right), one hour for blogging and corresponding, and the rest will be set aside for recreation of some sort - TV, musical-writing, talking-with-boyfriend.

Right.

I am supposed to be doing "photography" right now, but I am not.

OK. I will. I am going to set up my tripod! I am going to see if it's acceptable! If it is not acceptable I will be buying a new tripod along with new computer and flash accessories and hundreds of dollars in software!

Ah, student life.

The poverty comes quick.

More soon.