Thursday, March 23, 2006

Mr. Darcy

I shall be extremely delighted to discuss the virtous nature of the British miniseries version of Pride and Prejudice.

I had occasion to view the Keira Knightley version in theaters earlier this year. While I am not a fan of Keira and her little mouth and flat but perky cheek bones, I really enjoyed the movie, because girls are genetically predisposed to adore Pride and Prejudice.

This is because all women identify with Elizabeth Bennet, a woman who, while not the prettiest, possesses other virtues including the ability to comprehend books and converse while taking a turn about the room.

More importantly, all women want their non-obvious and rarely-recognized virtues to result in the obsessive and debilitating adoration of one handsome, brooding, and rich stranger, who silently falls in love with her. They also want the normally confident stranger to articulate his affection for her in an insecure but tender fashion, wherein he declares that he cannot stand being apart from her for any longer and that he wants nothing else but to love her with unending devotion for eternity.

Jane Austen shows us how romance can be.

I digress...

Overall I like the most recent version better, but I have two words: Colin Firth. Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy ruins things for woman-kind.

Every time he was on-screen I gasped. I, like Eliza Bennet, looked forward to seeing him, and was much distressed by his being away.

Girls, if you ever have slightly less than 6 hours to spare, you must watch it.

I want so much to gush endlessly about Colin Firth but I will not, as I have other things to tend to such as a doctor's appointment, lunch, fretting about stupid new health insurance that seems to have caused a slight accumulation in bills at a time when I really can't be spending money, lamenting not being able to go to the bowling world championship, performing damage-control on D's new haircut (more later), and staring at my face in fabulous new glasses in any possible reflective surface.

Snakes On A Plane

There's a movie coming out called Snakes On A Plane.

I wonder what it's about.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Hockey

This past weekend was nice, aside from the three episodes of crying.

After Round 1 of Shopping for the dress for the last-minute wedding (during which I wished for a different job or body so as to be able to wear delicious clothes from SoHo, although I did buy an amazing coat marked down from $148 to $38 - yeah!), I decided that I needed to have a calm conversation with D about some things that have been bothering me. The things were not new, but hadn't been articulated as well as they should have been. The things were fresh after I was being tortured by last-minute shopping for his last-minute wedding invite while D went to the gym and frolicked and enjoyed free time. He'd planned to go to the movies by himself, but I wanted to talk to him before he left as I was afraid lunacy would prevail through the weekend if I didn't voice my concerns.

It started off the normal way - defensive, angry, etc. that causes me to cry etc. - but resulted in D turning into Super Boyfriend. It's as though the relationship has been completely transformed! He implicated my suggestions by Saturday afternoon. I was flabbergasted. He even suggested going out for dinner on Saturday night to "follow up on" what had been discussed the previous night. Miraculous! And the good news is that the wonderful, nice, supportive, normal-boyfriend things have continued into the week. Weee!

I spent Saturday morning still feeling a bit beat down by our conversation. I wasn't sure how we left things, I wasn't sure where his head was, and was therefore fantasizing about moving out of NYC even before I talked to R who told me he is definitely moving out west by the summer. Sniff.

I met PW by the fountain. He'd procured sweet free seats to the New York Philharmonic. We were seated in the row behind his coworker, whose real name is the fake name that I use for various things I sign up for! I said "Your name is my alias!" and I think I scared her. Seeing PW is always a treat. My mood was much improved, especially after eating cherry pie.

Round 2 of shopping followed, this time at Macy's where the accursed One Day Sale was happening. The horror, the horror. Normally the Macy's in Herald Square is manageable, but on Saturday night it was gridlock. I tried on a couple of things but didn't want to wait in line to buy them.

At home I talked to D, who was being Super Boyfriend and trying to include me in the planmaking instead of just declaring what was going on. He suggested dinner, but the plan ultimately didn't allow for any time for the two of us. We met up at his friend T's show (where we were all cute and not at all awkward), and then went out for scrumptious vegetarian dinner with our friend T and her friend G.

We spent the entirety of Sunday together (yay! we are a good couple! yay!), during which D, as promised, accompanied me on Round 3 of Shopping for the Last-Minute wedding. We devoured a huge brunch Chez Leah Lar, and then hit Bleecker Street.

I bought a dress that I thought I loved. Relieved that I only had to go into four stores before finding it, and therefore faced with a ton of extra time, D and I went back to his apartment, re-grouped, and then met up with R at the Donut Plant to reward our shopping efforts. D and I then went to see Brokeback Mountain (my second time - I cried even more this time!) and then back to my apartment for a fashion show and dinner.

At my apartment was shoe-throwing and wanting to tear clothes to shreds and being disappointed in myself and wondering how could I be so irresponsible? And "This is inappropriate for a mysterious Sunday afternoon wedding!" And "I am not spending any more money on this wedding - I will not buy other shoes and other accessories when I've already spent so much!" And "This sort of thing can't happen because of going back to school and $800 a class! and going on the trip for your birthday in two weeks! and and and it's such a pain to live in this ridiculous city and you don't have to worry about this sort of thing in Boston and I am such an idiot and I don't want anything else from that obnoxious store and I can't believe I did this because I want to look pretty who do I think I am going over my dress budget like that when classes and trips and rent and bills?"

Thankfully, the Friday evening conversation with D made everything fine, because he was perfect. I don't think I'd ever cried about anything non-relationship-related in front of him before. He was awesome and did everything right. He let me cry instead of explaining to me why I was being ridiculous and how a perfect person should be, and tried to (successfully) cheer me up only when I was finished acting mental. I don't think I've ever felt more loved, and that's what I'd hoped to accomplish by talking about things on Friday.

Ah, communication.

I calmed down, we danced like idiots, I cooked dinner, we tried to watch this lame movie called World, and then read and continued to enjoy each other's company even though we'd been together for over 24 hours.

Work has been stressful, uncertainty aside. I had to throw together a presentation yesterday with only a few hour's notice. I decided to make it funny to help myself get through it, and it was met with much laughter and clapping. I wish I could make funny powerpoint presentations as a job.

I went to my first-ever hockey game last night!!!! The Boss, a season-ticket holder, gave me two tickets to see The Rangers play The Bruins as a Christmas gift. D and I, both completely ignorant hockey viewers, had a great time.

Neither of us had any idea what was going on - we could follow the game but didn't understand any of the penalties, didn't understand why people boo-ed when they did, didn't understand why the players and refs were unphased by dropped and broken sticks. There was one awesome fight. I wondered if a ref had ever been killed in the line of duty. The Bruins got demolished. I pretended not to care so as not to ignite the anger of any crazed Rangers fans.

The best thing about the game, though, was the email that The Boss sent me yesterday afternoon. It was a hockey cheat-sheet with information about some of the most common penalties (fouls?) as well as some pointers for enjoying the game.

For example:

"So and so, #X, skates really fast."

"You can't get a puck away from so and so."

"So and so, who used to play for The Rangers and was adored by New York fans, now plays for The Bruins."

I think I may be a hockey fan.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Does This Seem Illegal?

Say, for example, a person suffers from buyer's remorse and wants to return something to a store that issues only exchanges or store credits. In this scenario, the person doesn't really want anything else from the store.

Since the credit is for a lot of money, is it illegal (or morally questionable) to:

Post an ad online that says "If you shop at X, I will meet you there and buy your items in the amount of $X in exchange for $X-40 in cash."

This way, a person would only be out $X-40 instead of $X, and the person who responded to the ad would be making $40. It's like giving away money. The only person who loses is the person who placed the ad, but that person is going to lose anyway because if they don't place the ad, they will be stuck taking, because of the credit, overly priced pants and belts and possibly shoes that they don't really want in a self-financed shopping spree at a place they don't really like because of overly aggressive obnoxious salespeople that brainwash shoppers into buying things that they don't really want for insane amounts of money.

For example.