.... Rollerskating.
What does it all mean?
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
A Normal Blog Post
I've felt very out of touch with myself recently. I am realizing that traumatic events can have an acute effect on personality. I don't want my personality to change, but I think it has. I want it to change back. I hope that it will.
I miss being able to blog about mundane things. I think that my day-to-day NYC life has in many ways become increasingly mundane to balance out all of the nonsense that is going on in my LIFE.
I have to make a concerted effort to continue blogging about the mundane even though there are huge things going on.
And so... here you go... a blog post about last weekend, in the style of old school My Mundane Life In Song.
***
Brother arrived on Friday afternoon, later than predicted thus allowing me to take advantage of my first actual half day Friday of the summer. I'd accumulated half day Fridays in order to have extra time in Italy (cringe) and therefore had to rush to use them at the end of the summer. I got home early and had no idea what to do, so as is typical of people with no idea what to do, I napped. I napped well. I napped long. I napped hard, with weird dreams and psychic connections, for as I was dreaming about Sister, Sister called and woke me up.
Brother arrived and we had to rush out for dinner in Williamsburg. D, Brother and I met up with MY and I expressed my deep, unmet need for tater tots. The tater tots beat out Thai food, and we ate too much but didn't mind. We met up with NR at her fabulous new apartment which was bigger than I'd imagined, and a visual wonder like no other. We laughed and shared stories, and headed to Galapagos for the worst comedy show of all time. We left early, and laughed some more.
Saturday it rained. And rained some more. It rained again. And then it also rained. We hadn't seen the sun in days. We were unmotivated and destroyed, so we watched "Reign of Fire" (oh, Christian Bale, you can do NO WRONG) and the worst movie of all time, "BloodRayne." We scrambled eggs. We made no mention of anything remotely serious.
Brother departed and I wrote an epic piece of musical theater that has yet to be finished. Pleased with myself, I finally showered and left the house for 5 minutes to buy vegetables for D's fondue.
We ate fondue - with artichokes in it! We rented "The Bourne Identity," because we hadn't handled our NetFlixes wisely. We watched it, of course, for the two minutes with Clive Owen. With glasses! Yes!
I met up with DC for brunch the following day, and we caught up and I asked him about being married and then not being married, and what is the point and is there a point and asked him to decode boy-speak. We sat on the roof where it was really hot because the roof is silver and it apparently has the capacity to turn a human into toast if the sun is just so.
I called Father to wish him a happy birthday and he was in no mood to talk to me, and got off the phone to return phone calls to other children. I didn't get a chance to ask him about the plane tickets, so my elevated heart rate and panic was all for nothing.
S came over for frisbee followed by fondue. I kicked them out so I could record the epic piece of musical theater. We then ate fondue and drank too much wine and listened to hip hop and it made me happy that D invited someone over. We watched "Duck Season" which was cute and that is all.
On Monday I brunched with PW, who I hadn't seen in far too long. More talk of weddings and gossip and families and expectations of people that are not unrealistic, dammit!
I then headed to E's friend's shoot, where I was supposed to take production skills but did no such thing because the production was too tense for an extra body. I did, however, take 10,000 photos of the crane-person and lights, and interacted with a vile but precocious child actor who made me want to cry.
Back at home I managed the photos and caught up with D, who wanted me to tell him "everything" and get caught up after his lazy day, about which he told me nothing. We watched a creepy French movie called "Lemming" that I loved, and I fell asleep immediately thereafter.
Lots of sleep, lots of lazing about, and still I was unprepared to handle the stress of this week.
And now it is the weekend again!
I miss being able to blog about mundane things. I think that my day-to-day NYC life has in many ways become increasingly mundane to balance out all of the nonsense that is going on in my LIFE.
I have to make a concerted effort to continue blogging about the mundane even though there are huge things going on.
And so... here you go... a blog post about last weekend, in the style of old school My Mundane Life In Song.
***
Brother arrived on Friday afternoon, later than predicted thus allowing me to take advantage of my first actual half day Friday of the summer. I'd accumulated half day Fridays in order to have extra time in Italy (cringe) and therefore had to rush to use them at the end of the summer. I got home early and had no idea what to do, so as is typical of people with no idea what to do, I napped. I napped well. I napped long. I napped hard, with weird dreams and psychic connections, for as I was dreaming about Sister, Sister called and woke me up.
Brother arrived and we had to rush out for dinner in Williamsburg. D, Brother and I met up with MY and I expressed my deep, unmet need for tater tots. The tater tots beat out Thai food, and we ate too much but didn't mind. We met up with NR at her fabulous new apartment which was bigger than I'd imagined, and a visual wonder like no other. We laughed and shared stories, and headed to Galapagos for the worst comedy show of all time. We left early, and laughed some more.
Saturday it rained. And rained some more. It rained again. And then it also rained. We hadn't seen the sun in days. We were unmotivated and destroyed, so we watched "Reign of Fire" (oh, Christian Bale, you can do NO WRONG) and the worst movie of all time, "BloodRayne." We scrambled eggs. We made no mention of anything remotely serious.
Brother departed and I wrote an epic piece of musical theater that has yet to be finished. Pleased with myself, I finally showered and left the house for 5 minutes to buy vegetables for D's fondue.
We ate fondue - with artichokes in it! We rented "The Bourne Identity," because we hadn't handled our NetFlixes wisely. We watched it, of course, for the two minutes with Clive Owen. With glasses! Yes!
I met up with DC for brunch the following day, and we caught up and I asked him about being married and then not being married, and what is the point and is there a point and asked him to decode boy-speak. We sat on the roof where it was really hot because the roof is silver and it apparently has the capacity to turn a human into toast if the sun is just so.
I called Father to wish him a happy birthday and he was in no mood to talk to me, and got off the phone to return phone calls to other children. I didn't get a chance to ask him about the plane tickets, so my elevated heart rate and panic was all for nothing.
S came over for frisbee followed by fondue. I kicked them out so I could record the epic piece of musical theater. We then ate fondue and drank too much wine and listened to hip hop and it made me happy that D invited someone over. We watched "Duck Season" which was cute and that is all.
On Monday I brunched with PW, who I hadn't seen in far too long. More talk of weddings and gossip and families and expectations of people that are not unrealistic, dammit!
I then headed to E's friend's shoot, where I was supposed to take production skills but did no such thing because the production was too tense for an extra body. I did, however, take 10,000 photos of the crane-person and lights, and interacted with a vile but precocious child actor who made me want to cry.
Back at home I managed the photos and caught up with D, who wanted me to tell him "everything" and get caught up after his lazy day, about which he told me nothing. We watched a creepy French movie called "Lemming" that I loved, and I fell asleep immediately thereafter.
Lots of sleep, lots of lazing about, and still I was unprepared to handle the stress of this week.
And now it is the weekend again!
The Elusive Pringle
I am not the type of person who tries new foods. I'd rather spend money on something that I am certain will taste good, rather than experiment with every newly flavored pre-exisiting snack. D, on the other hand, buys every new candy and cereal and cookie and chip.
Recently we have been cursed with an explosion of new snack foods that are ridiculously good.
It all started with the reverse fudge stripe cookie from Keebler. I can't even remember where I bought them - chocolate cookies with WHITE CHOCOLATE STRIPES. I heart white chocolate above all else. While I am not supposed to eat cookies, I couldn't resist because reverse fudge stripes! Please! Needless to say I inhaled the entire package within a week's time (which is bad given that I limited myself to one half of a cookie per day, max). And then looked for them again but they could not be found!
Then it was the white kit kat. Oh MY. WHITE. KIT. KAT. Never to be found again.
It was then the orange kit kat, delivered by D from CA. Dear god. I savored every bite. I allowed myself to eat only one half of one column a day to preserve the wonder that was the orange kit kat, as I knew immediately that there would be no orange kit kat for me ever again.
And then, oh you can't even imagine, were the guacamole Pringles that D picked up while we were in MA on The Worst Day Ever. And we ate them when we got back to NYC... and ate them... and polished off the can in two sittings. And of course they do not exist in NYC.
I have picked up some of D's habits as they relationship has evolved. I've actually been thinking about this phenomenon a lot lately (I'll get to that in another entry). D has obsessive compulsive tendencies. While he will do certain things in an incomplete mannner (the way he paints, for example), he will not rest until he's located a product. He will search for years. He will remember everything he's ever looked for and will look for it anywhere he is. I've picked this trait up, apparently, as it relates to locating foods that no longer exist.
I have walked into every bodega I've seen. I have gone to every supermarket. I have checked every market. I am unstoppable.
I've found none of them. NONE!
E was over one night, and we were talking about food or something and I mentioned the elusive orange kit kat and E said "You know that they sell those around the corner from your apartment? I almost bought one the other night on the way to your party..."
Check!
Father picked up reverse fudge stripes for me at a real grocery store in MA and sent them to NYC with Mother two weekends ago.
Score!
D is adorable and apparently located white kit kats at a secret location and put one in my mailbox at work today.
Yes!
This only leaves guacamole Pringles, which I am certain are not available in NYC. I plan to buy ten cans while in MA next week.
And then, and only then, will I be able to stop my obsessive quest for unavailable foods.
Woop!
Recently we have been cursed with an explosion of new snack foods that are ridiculously good.
It all started with the reverse fudge stripe cookie from Keebler. I can't even remember where I bought them - chocolate cookies with WHITE CHOCOLATE STRIPES. I heart white chocolate above all else. While I am not supposed to eat cookies, I couldn't resist because reverse fudge stripes! Please! Needless to say I inhaled the entire package within a week's time (which is bad given that I limited myself to one half of a cookie per day, max). And then looked for them again but they could not be found!
Then it was the white kit kat. Oh MY. WHITE. KIT. KAT. Never to be found again.
It was then the orange kit kat, delivered by D from CA. Dear god. I savored every bite. I allowed myself to eat only one half of one column a day to preserve the wonder that was the orange kit kat, as I knew immediately that there would be no orange kit kat for me ever again.
And then, oh you can't even imagine, were the guacamole Pringles that D picked up while we were in MA on The Worst Day Ever. And we ate them when we got back to NYC... and ate them... and polished off the can in two sittings. And of course they do not exist in NYC.
I have picked up some of D's habits as they relationship has evolved. I've actually been thinking about this phenomenon a lot lately (I'll get to that in another entry). D has obsessive compulsive tendencies. While he will do certain things in an incomplete mannner (the way he paints, for example), he will not rest until he's located a product. He will search for years. He will remember everything he's ever looked for and will look for it anywhere he is. I've picked this trait up, apparently, as it relates to locating foods that no longer exist.
I have walked into every bodega I've seen. I have gone to every supermarket. I have checked every market. I am unstoppable.
I've found none of them. NONE!
E was over one night, and we were talking about food or something and I mentioned the elusive orange kit kat and E said "You know that they sell those around the corner from your apartment? I almost bought one the other night on the way to your party..."
Check!
Father picked up reverse fudge stripes for me at a real grocery store in MA and sent them to NYC with Mother two weekends ago.
Score!
D is adorable and apparently located white kit kats at a secret location and put one in my mailbox at work today.
Yes!
This only leaves guacamole Pringles, which I am certain are not available in NYC. I plan to buy ten cans while in MA next week.
And then, and only then, will I be able to stop my obsessive quest for unavailable foods.
Woop!
The Blog Lives On
I swear I've not forgotten about the blog.
My time is at a premium these days. I am suddenly high profile which means high levels of pressure and therefore less time to spend on things like emails and blogging. While I appreciate the attention and enthusiasm, I'd prefer a return to the days when I knew what was going on.
My mood these days has been bad, which is another reason I haven't been writing.
Life has become ragingly insecure. Work is normally a source of self esteem even in the most severe of circumstances, but lately work has been nothing but stress and pressure and long meetings and longer hours and bitterness and low morale and being pissed off that nobdoy else works and that everyone else can take 16 coffee breaks and an hour for breakfast and two hours for lunch and three hours to chat with friends and an hour to buy shoes while I'm working like a maniac. I am angry and oppressed. I am forced to do things I don't want to do. I get aggressive emails from someone I disrespect. I want to declare "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" but fear I'll be fired, but then again, apparently not working isn't grounds for being fired so I guess I can make declarations.
I've been not doing work on purpose. I was inspired by a late night conversation about the origin of work ethic, and decided that I too can be like everyone else and work minimally and not suffer from low self esteem! So I didn't do a few things this week that could have been done, and it feels terrible. This is my own issue, not the issue of others. Work is not rewarded. Popularity is. I don't want to be popular and I want to work hard, so I suffer and am not rewarded.
I am normally not the sort of person who is affected by work, but I think this sort of issue is indicative of how the world in general works and it is more about a sense of justice than the specific issue itself.
I am also normally not affected by work because I normally use my job to have a kick-ass life outside of work.
My life outside of work, as of late, has been slipping.
My mood is causing me to be unmotivated, so I haven't wanted to do anything.
Even if I wanted to do anything I couldn't because I am "saving money."
When I decide not to "save money," I end up drinking too much and crying while watching something sad on the news and regret having gone out at all.
The future is uncertain, in many ways.
Things that were once a source of comfort and stability no longer exist.
I am trying to switch careers but I can't do it myself. Other people are involved but they are incapable of talking about it concretely. This is not done on purpose, its just a personality conflict that neutralizes me because I am not going to make executive decisions that affect other's lives so completely. I don't want to do something like this lightly because it is not a light thing.
I was supposed to be in Italy last week and this week, and guess what? I didn't go.
So I'm bored and hungry (because I'm too unmotivated to cook) and I feel like life is passing me by and there are things in the future to dread and nothing to actually look forward to.
But its Friday and people are getting married this weekend and for them I am happy, and I am happy that D will race, and I am happy that I will get to see Sister next week and some friends I haven't seen in ages. I just wish that was all I had to do next week.
I'm going to post a normal blog entry now, because dear god these sorts of editorials don't make anyone happy.
My time is at a premium these days. I am suddenly high profile which means high levels of pressure and therefore less time to spend on things like emails and blogging. While I appreciate the attention and enthusiasm, I'd prefer a return to the days when I knew what was going on.
My mood these days has been bad, which is another reason I haven't been writing.
Life has become ragingly insecure. Work is normally a source of self esteem even in the most severe of circumstances, but lately work has been nothing but stress and pressure and long meetings and longer hours and bitterness and low morale and being pissed off that nobdoy else works and that everyone else can take 16 coffee breaks and an hour for breakfast and two hours for lunch and three hours to chat with friends and an hour to buy shoes while I'm working like a maniac. I am angry and oppressed. I am forced to do things I don't want to do. I get aggressive emails from someone I disrespect. I want to declare "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" but fear I'll be fired, but then again, apparently not working isn't grounds for being fired so I guess I can make declarations.
I've been not doing work on purpose. I was inspired by a late night conversation about the origin of work ethic, and decided that I too can be like everyone else and work minimally and not suffer from low self esteem! So I didn't do a few things this week that could have been done, and it feels terrible. This is my own issue, not the issue of others. Work is not rewarded. Popularity is. I don't want to be popular and I want to work hard, so I suffer and am not rewarded.
I am normally not the sort of person who is affected by work, but I think this sort of issue is indicative of how the world in general works and it is more about a sense of justice than the specific issue itself.
I am also normally not affected by work because I normally use my job to have a kick-ass life outside of work.
My life outside of work, as of late, has been slipping.
My mood is causing me to be unmotivated, so I haven't wanted to do anything.
Even if I wanted to do anything I couldn't because I am "saving money."
When I decide not to "save money," I end up drinking too much and crying while watching something sad on the news and regret having gone out at all.
The future is uncertain, in many ways.
Things that were once a source of comfort and stability no longer exist.
I am trying to switch careers but I can't do it myself. Other people are involved but they are incapable of talking about it concretely. This is not done on purpose, its just a personality conflict that neutralizes me because I am not going to make executive decisions that affect other's lives so completely. I don't want to do something like this lightly because it is not a light thing.
I was supposed to be in Italy last week and this week, and guess what? I didn't go.
So I'm bored and hungry (because I'm too unmotivated to cook) and I feel like life is passing me by and there are things in the future to dread and nothing to actually look forward to.
But its Friday and people are getting married this weekend and for them I am happy, and I am happy that D will race, and I am happy that I will get to see Sister next week and some friends I haven't seen in ages. I just wish that was all I had to do next week.
I'm going to post a normal blog entry now, because dear god these sorts of editorials don't make anyone happy.
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