Friday, October 22, 2004
I Wish You Saw My Room With Stuff In It
Genre: Cheesy Piano Song
Date: 9.15.04
(for those of you have forgotten how to do this, please click on the green arrow in front of Audioblog and you will be able to hear the song in very poor quality)
Description:
Much much much to say about this song.
Aesthetically, I wanted this song to be very lethargic and wistful, which is how I felt during my last few days in MA. I was so exhausted, so sentimental yet so dull to everything around me. That is why the song is so slow paced. My thoughts were so many and so sluggish during that time period.
Second, this song is the sequel to Drone, which you might remember as track 7 from Lollybanger's very first EP, Plumb Forgot. It is its successor because its pretty much about the same scenario, only with the roles reversed.
Third, I'm not going to say too much about what this song is about because its fairly obvious (and private, even though I've written a song about it and put it out there for the world to hear). My theory (now that this particular scenario has played out in my life many, many times - I am such a pattern) is that when confronted with the idea of someone leaving your life forever or with the idea that things are changing between you and someone else forever or with the idea that you might have missed out on something before the change and now's your very last chance!, people do insane things. You can't think straight when confronted with the severity and permanence of someone disappearing from your life. You do desperate, bizarre, ill-advised things.
Fourth, I don't think that these things are always desperate, bizarre, or ill-advised. I think, more likely, they are done to distract you from the fact that you are leaving everything behind or that someone is leaving you behind. You don't think about repercussions. You can only think about "now" because "now" is all that remains between you and that person.
Fifth, my last night at Hall Street was amazing fun and I will remember it crisply for the rest of my life. I will remember the subject matter of this song, as well as my darling roommates setting up a candle lit Chinese Food Vigil in the backyard, my sister and my LBF in Stah Mahket trying to find desserts that everyone could eat, MS stopping by and giving me a hug when I really needed it and telling me he was grateful to have gotten to know me, SM giving me a copy of Bjork's Medulla because he really wants me to like it, the piano movers showing up at 6:45 am and letting themselves into my apartment because I apparently drunkenly left the door open all night, sitting on my roommate's bed in the morning after an hour of sleep again feeling sentimental but sluggish while my roommates were being fabulously normal and cute as they cursed the fact that it was not a resident of Hall Street who christened the new shower curtain!
Hope you enjoy the song, and please let me know what you think. I am thrilled that there is music again. More to come soon....
Lyrics:
Is it only because I'm leaving and you no longer have to deal with me
All this time you've been wondering
I'm leaving tomorrow
I love you for taking my mind off of it
Is it only because I'm leaving and I no longer have to deal with it
All this time I've been curious
I'm leaving this morning
I love you for lying awake with me
No questions or consequences
We're just frantic to make up for lost time
We're manic and passionate
I'm leaving momentarily
Will I ever see you again?
Is it only because I'm leaving that we don't have to discuss what this is
I'd still like to know
And I'd still like to know you
They Say The Neon Lights Are Bright on Hall Street
This is me on my very last night at Hall Street. Sadness and weeping.
Friday
Friday is so good. I'm not sure I've been this tired in my entire life.
Last night I went to Happy Hour with "the cool kids" from work. I had a lovely time, but I was tired and shouldn't have been drinking again. "The cool kids" said they would come into my bay and talk about lunch for half an hour and then invite only me.
We left for Happy Hour at 6:00. They chose a place around the corner that didn't have any food or people other than us in it. By 8:30 I was dying. I was so hungry. Granted, I had too much to drink the night prior and only had a cup of butternut squash soup with a small piece of cornbread for lunch, so my body was not at its best. But I was starving by 7:00!!!! And nobody else was hungry! I don't understand! There were other women there, so they must have been hungry. Finally I said "I cannot make a meal of these pretzels!" and declared that I was leaving. Everyone was like "What? You're leaving? Why? Why can't you wait?" and I was like "Because I am going to die, and also because I can't drink anymore if I don't eat something." They said "You better come back." I promised I would, and then started walking around aimlessly and ended up somewhere (Bleecker Street somewhere?) having a foul piece of pizza. I Walking back I got completely and utterly lost. No idea. I managed to find my way back sans map and hung out until about 10:00 or so, when someone said "I'm hungry" and then the group decided to disband.
Which was good, because they were all very drunk from having been drinking for four hours with no food.
Crazy people! I demand that we choose a place with food for Happy Hour next week.
After Happy Hour, I returned home to find that we now have functional DSL! Yipee!
Thus, when next we meet, dear reader, there will be music on the blog. Try to contain your excitement.
All I can think about right now is 6:00 so I can leave, buy some groceries, and then sleep sleep sleep for 14 hours straight. Sleep. Friday. Good.
Last night I went to Happy Hour with "the cool kids" from work. I had a lovely time, but I was tired and shouldn't have been drinking again. "The cool kids" said they would come into my bay and talk about lunch for half an hour and then invite only me.
We left for Happy Hour at 6:00. They chose a place around the corner that didn't have any food or people other than us in it. By 8:30 I was dying. I was so hungry. Granted, I had too much to drink the night prior and only had a cup of butternut squash soup with a small piece of cornbread for lunch, so my body was not at its best. But I was starving by 7:00!!!! And nobody else was hungry! I don't understand! There were other women there, so they must have been hungry. Finally I said "I cannot make a meal of these pretzels!" and declared that I was leaving. Everyone was like "What? You're leaving? Why? Why can't you wait?" and I was like "Because I am going to die, and also because I can't drink anymore if I don't eat something." They said "You better come back." I promised I would, and then started walking around aimlessly and ended up somewhere (Bleecker Street somewhere?) having a foul piece of pizza. I Walking back I got completely and utterly lost. No idea. I managed to find my way back sans map and hung out until about 10:00 or so, when someone said "I'm hungry" and then the group decided to disband.
Which was good, because they were all very drunk from having been drinking for four hours with no food.
Crazy people! I demand that we choose a place with food for Happy Hour next week.
After Happy Hour, I returned home to find that we now have functional DSL! Yipee!
Thus, when next we meet, dear reader, there will be music on the blog. Try to contain your excitement.
All I can think about right now is 6:00 so I can leave, buy some groceries, and then sleep sleep sleep for 14 hours straight. Sleep. Friday. Good.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Today I Miss Boston
The Red Sox won. I can’t believe it.
I kept waiting for badness to happen, but it never did.
I went to class last night and couldn’t pay attention, because I was excited about baseball. After class, the kid on whom I have a friendship crush from class was chatty, and I had to be like “I’m sorry, I have to run and watch the baseball game.” I don’t know what’s come over me. Apparently my Boston-Red-Sox-gene has been activated in response to living somewhere other than MA.
(Sidenote 1: class was awesome again! We talked about The Fantastic Four and how and why it was revolutionary, and how it’s symbolic. Also there was a new kid, who makes the entire class, including the professor, feel awkward, because he’s read every comic ever made and because he is your quintessential having-no-social-skills-eyes-going-in-two-directions-gross-dungeons-and-dragons-playing-awkward-not-funny-but-thinks-he’s-funny-and-talks-all-the-time-nasty dude.)
I got to Riviera Café at about 8:30. There was a crowd of Red Sox fans outside watching the game. It’s actually a good set up because the walls of the bar are glass (like a green house) so you can be part of things without actually being in the bar. The place had been filled to capacity as of 3:30, so I didn’t have a chance of getting in. What with the job.
I was by myself and didn’t really know what to do, so I was thrilled when two girls suggested a movement to take over a Yankees bar. Fabulous idea! The three of us rallied some other people, mainly others who were there by themselves, to descend upon this bar around the corner.
When we walked in en masse, there was a murmur of people saying “Those are Red Sox people! Grumble grumble.” We picked the right place because their martinis were on sale two for $10! I spent time with these two adorable chicks, one of whom was from Newton. They are probably 22, but I love them anyway. They want to hang out and take me to a vegetarian restaurant nearby.
(Sidenote 2: SuperFly was in town and drunk again, and the girls felt bad for me when they saw him. One of their friends said “Why do you even know that guy?” and I started explaining how I met him after college when I was on the rebound and this same girl interrupts me and says “Look, I have to ask you something – are you like 22 or 32 because seriously you can’t tell at all. Seriously. You like can’t tell. Seriously.” And then the others nodded. Didn’t know how to take that. Did she really think I could be 32!?!??!)
The game was exciting. I am not concerned with details. You saw the game. You know how it was. I don’t remember the details because the martinis were on sale. The Red Sox fans were rowdy with martinis. The Yankees fans were mostly silent.
I met a lot of transplants. People from different places in MA – I met someone from Ashland. I met someone from San Francisco. A bunch of people from Chicago. I would say “And you’re a Red Sox fan?” and they’d say “No, I just hate the Yankees.” We are all united against a common enemy, against the Evil Empire, against arrogance and big mean bullies. Many people in New York hate the Yankees, because they are “the man.” The represent money and all that is wretched.
By the bottom of the 9th things seemed safe, so I suggested we head back to The Riviera to celebrate with the other folks on the street. It was chaos. Police in riot gear. People jumping up and down, screaming, crying. Total happiness, aside from this one lone man in the crowd who was a Yankees fan and kept yelling “You should all just move back to Boston!” He should have watched the game at any one of the 8 million bars in NYC with Yankees fans. He was amusing, though, when he said “The Yankees fans look stressed. Like about-to-deliver-a-baby stress.”
Once it was official, the crowd was officially nuts. I couldn’t stop smiling. I chanted “Yankees suck!” I hugged everyone. I cried a little.
I hung out on the street for a bit to soak it all in, to enjoy happiness, and eventually decided to head home. When I opened the door to the cab, I said “Will you take us to Williamsburg?” In response, the driver said “You a Yankees fan?” and I was like “Hell no!” He said “Then I won’t take you.” I said “Are you serious?” and he said “Yes, I am.” Very stern. Started driving away. I was like “You’re serious?” He said “Are you a Yankees fan? Say you like the Yankees and I’ll take you.” I said I liked the Yankees and then proceeded to say "I can't believe the Red Sox won!" for the entire ride home. The driver was pissed. Whatever. I don’t care. He’s just an evil big bully. I gave him a huge tip because I felt bad for him and his defeated big bully ways.
I couldn’t stop giggling once I got back to The Loft.
I couldn’t stop giggling, but I also felt really sad, because there was nobody there to enjoy it with. Alone again.
All night I had half-awake dreams of baseball and antibodies and Coyote Ugly (no idea!) and Spiderman-shaped-Spiderman-decorated birthday cakes and when I was mostly awake felt nauseous and sad and elated.
Today I miss Boston for the first time since I moved. I miss that everyone on the T had shit-eating grins. I miss that everyone was hungover. I miss being able to go into work late or not at all and that people would understand. I am sad that I can’t say “The World Series is coming to Fenway!” and have people know why that’s exciting. I am sad that I can’t watch the games with friends.
But mostly I am happy, because the Red Sox won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kept waiting for badness to happen, but it never did.
I went to class last night and couldn’t pay attention, because I was excited about baseball. After class, the kid on whom I have a friendship crush from class was chatty, and I had to be like “I’m sorry, I have to run and watch the baseball game.” I don’t know what’s come over me. Apparently my Boston-Red-Sox-gene has been activated in response to living somewhere other than MA.
(Sidenote 1: class was awesome again! We talked about The Fantastic Four and how and why it was revolutionary, and how it’s symbolic. Also there was a new kid, who makes the entire class, including the professor, feel awkward, because he’s read every comic ever made and because he is your quintessential having-no-social-skills-eyes-going-in-two-directions-gross-dungeons-and-dragons-playing-awkward-not-funny-but-thinks-he’s-funny-and-talks-all-the-time-nasty dude.)
I got to Riviera Café at about 8:30. There was a crowd of Red Sox fans outside watching the game. It’s actually a good set up because the walls of the bar are glass (like a green house) so you can be part of things without actually being in the bar. The place had been filled to capacity as of 3:30, so I didn’t have a chance of getting in. What with the job.
I was by myself and didn’t really know what to do, so I was thrilled when two girls suggested a movement to take over a Yankees bar. Fabulous idea! The three of us rallied some other people, mainly others who were there by themselves, to descend upon this bar around the corner.
When we walked in en masse, there was a murmur of people saying “Those are Red Sox people! Grumble grumble.” We picked the right place because their martinis were on sale two for $10! I spent time with these two adorable chicks, one of whom was from Newton. They are probably 22, but I love them anyway. They want to hang out and take me to a vegetarian restaurant nearby.
(Sidenote 2: SuperFly was in town and drunk again, and the girls felt bad for me when they saw him. One of their friends said “Why do you even know that guy?” and I started explaining how I met him after college when I was on the rebound and this same girl interrupts me and says “Look, I have to ask you something – are you like 22 or 32 because seriously you can’t tell at all. Seriously. You like can’t tell. Seriously.” And then the others nodded. Didn’t know how to take that. Did she really think I could be 32!?!??!)
The game was exciting. I am not concerned with details. You saw the game. You know how it was. I don’t remember the details because the martinis were on sale. The Red Sox fans were rowdy with martinis. The Yankees fans were mostly silent.
I met a lot of transplants. People from different places in MA – I met someone from Ashland. I met someone from San Francisco. A bunch of people from Chicago. I would say “And you’re a Red Sox fan?” and they’d say “No, I just hate the Yankees.” We are all united against a common enemy, against the Evil Empire, against arrogance and big mean bullies. Many people in New York hate the Yankees, because they are “the man.” The represent money and all that is wretched.
By the bottom of the 9th things seemed safe, so I suggested we head back to The Riviera to celebrate with the other folks on the street. It was chaos. Police in riot gear. People jumping up and down, screaming, crying. Total happiness, aside from this one lone man in the crowd who was a Yankees fan and kept yelling “You should all just move back to Boston!” He should have watched the game at any one of the 8 million bars in NYC with Yankees fans. He was amusing, though, when he said “The Yankees fans look stressed. Like about-to-deliver-a-baby stress.”
Once it was official, the crowd was officially nuts. I couldn’t stop smiling. I chanted “Yankees suck!” I hugged everyone. I cried a little.
I hung out on the street for a bit to soak it all in, to enjoy happiness, and eventually decided to head home. When I opened the door to the cab, I said “Will you take us to Williamsburg?” In response, the driver said “You a Yankees fan?” and I was like “Hell no!” He said “Then I won’t take you.” I said “Are you serious?” and he said “Yes, I am.” Very stern. Started driving away. I was like “You’re serious?” He said “Are you a Yankees fan? Say you like the Yankees and I’ll take you.” I said I liked the Yankees and then proceeded to say "I can't believe the Red Sox won!" for the entire ride home. The driver was pissed. Whatever. I don’t care. He’s just an evil big bully. I gave him a huge tip because I felt bad for him and his defeated big bully ways.
I couldn’t stop giggling once I got back to The Loft.
I couldn’t stop giggling, but I also felt really sad, because there was nobody there to enjoy it with. Alone again.
All night I had half-awake dreams of baseball and antibodies and Coyote Ugly (no idea!) and Spiderman-shaped-Spiderman-decorated birthday cakes and when I was mostly awake felt nauseous and sad and elated.
Today I miss Boston for the first time since I moved. I miss that everyone on the T had shit-eating grins. I miss that everyone was hungover. I miss being able to go into work late or not at all and that people would understand. I am sad that I can’t say “The World Series is coming to Fenway!” and have people know why that’s exciting. I am sad that I can’t watch the games with friends.
But mostly I am happy, because the Red Sox won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
The Crazy Things Scientists Will Do
There is currently a problem with the plumbing in my building. No use of bathrooms or sinks. No obsessive compulsive hand-washing for those who do that. It's amazing how much you use a sink for experiments.
Not to mention the fact that there is flooding. And a lovely aroma on floors other than my own. And water leaking through floors onto people's desks below. And there is "a problem" in the animal facility.
Yet, of course, we are still here.
Not to mention the fact that there is flooding. And a lovely aroma on floors other than my own. And water leaking through floors onto people's desks below. And there is "a problem" in the animal facility.
Yet, of course, we are still here.
There Will Be A Game 7!
I watched the game last night. I was convinced (and bizarrely enough semi-disappointed) that there wouldn't be one because it was nasty nasty nasty out there. Roommate was having boyfriend-troubles so we drank lots of wine while we simultaneously watched the game, and the Real World, and other things to take away from the boringness of baseball.
Bronson Arroyo is the best name in the world.
Anyway. The wine caused me to pass out during the bottom of the ninth, so I just went to bed because I could no longer function.
This morning I desperately tried to find a radio station that would tell me the outcome of the game.
I managed to hear Color Me Badd's I Want To Sex You Up as well as someone talking about how LL Cool J has suggested buying a new shower curtain and smearing it with baby oil before putting it on your bed to spice up your sex life. Finally I found a channel that was playing some sort of Red Sox bashing reggae song which allowed me to conclude that they'd won!
Yippee!!!
My plan for tonight is to go to this Safe For Red Sox Fans bar in the Village after class to watch the game.
Someone at work just said "I think the Yankees let them win on purpose to get people to watch the series, for advertising, you know." Right. The Yankees let them win.
Collective stress is such a weird phenomenon.
OK. Back to the blot.
Bronson Arroyo is the best name in the world.
Anyway. The wine caused me to pass out during the bottom of the ninth, so I just went to bed because I could no longer function.
This morning I desperately tried to find a radio station that would tell me the outcome of the game.
I managed to hear Color Me Badd's I Want To Sex You Up as well as someone talking about how LL Cool J has suggested buying a new shower curtain and smearing it with baby oil before putting it on your bed to spice up your sex life. Finally I found a channel that was playing some sort of Red Sox bashing reggae song which allowed me to conclude that they'd won!
Yippee!!!
My plan for tonight is to go to this Safe For Red Sox Fans bar in the Village after class to watch the game.
Someone at work just said "I think the Yankees let them win on purpose to get people to watch the series, for advertising, you know." Right. The Yankees let them win.
Collective stress is such a weird phenomenon.
OK. Back to the blot.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Red Sox
I was talking to my former roommate last night, and she said "You really should watch the game. It's 4 - 3 in the bottom of the 7th. It will be over soon."
I resisted at first, but then thought "Will it really kill me to watch two innings of baseball?"
Heh.
I kept thinking "I've made it this far... I might as well watch another inning... after all, it can't go on forever."
Finally I said "I can't take it anymore!" and brushed my teeth to start preparing for delicious sleep.
I finished brushing my teeth, walked back into the loft, and the Red Sox had won while I was in the bathroom. Of course. The one moment I step away.
Because I am from Boston and am therefore superstitious about sports, if they are tied again tonight, and yes, I will most likely be watching the game tonight because once you start you can't stop, I will exit to brush my teeth because I am nearly certain my brushing my teeth is what caused them to win.
I resisted at first, but then thought "Will it really kill me to watch two innings of baseball?"
Heh.
I kept thinking "I've made it this far... I might as well watch another inning... after all, it can't go on forever."
Finally I said "I can't take it anymore!" and brushed my teeth to start preparing for delicious sleep.
I finished brushing my teeth, walked back into the loft, and the Red Sox had won while I was in the bathroom. Of course. The one moment I step away.
Because I am from Boston and am therefore superstitious about sports, if they are tied again tonight, and yes, I will most likely be watching the game tonight because once you start you can't stop, I will exit to brush my teeth because I am nearly certain my brushing my teeth is what caused them to win.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Milestone 1: Check!
My first weekend of sleep was blissful.
On Friday night I took a nap after getting home from work, after which Roommate and I went to the East Village to hang out with the Depeche Mode Cover Band girls. Roommate called me at midnight and was all "Get your ass out of bed!" so I did. We called a cab service and headed over to the island. The woman who picked us up kept saying "Ay yai yai!" and told us we were "so cute" when we got out of her cab. She most likely thought this because for the entire trip over the bridge we kept saying "I can't believe we live here!" "We live here!" "We live here!"
On our way over, I said "I am very excited to go to the East Village and see some new bars!" because the bar we were going to wasn't at an address I recognized. I said "No, man, I have no idea where that is." Turned out to be one of the bars that R and I went to on Thursday. Of course.
We had a lovely time. The girls were adorable and friendly and we got good and drunk and talked about stuff. The cab driver who took us home told us his life story. Ah New York.
On Saturday I went shopping in The City for books for class. I mention this not because I purchased books for class, but because I have officially reached New Life Milestone 1! While in Forbidden Planet, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was taken off guard, because who on earth could be tapping me on the shoulder in a city where I know nobody? I turned around, and it was someone from my class! Milestone 1: Check! Have officially run into someone I know! Yippee!!!!
Got back from shopping and hung out with Roommate. She was flipping channels for the first time since we got cable, since we've literally been watching either MTV or the Surreal Life 3, and she came upon HBO, which we had! I said "Perhaps it is a free preview?" Turns out we have, like, 7 HBOs, 8 Showtimes, Cinemaxes, Sundances. Pretty much everything. And we're not paying for it. Word. My theory is that perhaps the cable guy hooked us up. Curious.
And then Roommate dyed my hair black (sorry Peaches!). Thank god. Blonde was peaking through. We can't have that. It looks lovely.
Yesterday did laundry, hung out on the Upper East Side with my friend blind date where I found the most fabulous bag for $179 which I am actually considering buying because I am a New Yorker and $179 for bag doesn't seem ridiculous to me anymore, and then came home and watched Desperate Housewives and Surreal Life 3. Flava Flave!!!! Actually, when LBF visited last weekend we went shopping and found this store that had the Flava Flave alarm clock, which I haven't stopped thinking about. I might buy it, because, as Roommate said last night, we feel like Flava is our friend and its going to be weird when he's not around anymore. Maybe I'll ask my parents for it for Christmas. That would be hysterical.
And now it is Monday.
Oh well.
On Friday night I took a nap after getting home from work, after which Roommate and I went to the East Village to hang out with the Depeche Mode Cover Band girls. Roommate called me at midnight and was all "Get your ass out of bed!" so I did. We called a cab service and headed over to the island. The woman who picked us up kept saying "Ay yai yai!" and told us we were "so cute" when we got out of her cab. She most likely thought this because for the entire trip over the bridge we kept saying "I can't believe we live here!" "We live here!" "We live here!"
On our way over, I said "I am very excited to go to the East Village and see some new bars!" because the bar we were going to wasn't at an address I recognized. I said "No, man, I have no idea where that is." Turned out to be one of the bars that R and I went to on Thursday. Of course.
We had a lovely time. The girls were adorable and friendly and we got good and drunk and talked about stuff. The cab driver who took us home told us his life story. Ah New York.
On Saturday I went shopping in The City for books for class. I mention this not because I purchased books for class, but because I have officially reached New Life Milestone 1! While in Forbidden Planet, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was taken off guard, because who on earth could be tapping me on the shoulder in a city where I know nobody? I turned around, and it was someone from my class! Milestone 1: Check! Have officially run into someone I know! Yippee!!!!
Got back from shopping and hung out with Roommate. She was flipping channels for the first time since we got cable, since we've literally been watching either MTV or the Surreal Life 3, and she came upon HBO, which we had! I said "Perhaps it is a free preview?" Turns out we have, like, 7 HBOs, 8 Showtimes, Cinemaxes, Sundances. Pretty much everything. And we're not paying for it. Word. My theory is that perhaps the cable guy hooked us up. Curious.
And then Roommate dyed my hair black (sorry Peaches!). Thank god. Blonde was peaking through. We can't have that. It looks lovely.
Yesterday did laundry, hung out on the Upper East Side with my friend blind date where I found the most fabulous bag for $179 which I am actually considering buying because I am a New Yorker and $179 for bag doesn't seem ridiculous to me anymore, and then came home and watched Desperate Housewives and Surreal Life 3. Flava Flave!!!! Actually, when LBF visited last weekend we went shopping and found this store that had the Flava Flave alarm clock, which I haven't stopped thinking about. I might buy it, because, as Roommate said last night, we feel like Flava is our friend and its going to be weird when he's not around anymore. Maybe I'll ask my parents for it for Christmas. That would be hysterical.
And now it is Monday.
Oh well.
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