Don't Fear A Sandwich

Date: August-ish, 2006
Genre: Musical theater, as if there's anything else these days!




Description:

Readers of My Mundane Life In Song may remember the infamous Sandwich Swap, which was not attended by yours truly due to some skepticism/cynicism on the part of visitors I had the weekend on which it took place. The entry sparked a debate regarding whether the sandwich swap was a sketchy endeavor or not.

Because I still assert that the sandwich swap would have appealed to and therefore only have been attended by nice New Yorkers and not the evil ones, I wrote a song about how there are far worse things in the world than strangers making you sandwiches.

I started writing this at a time when I was watching a lot of musicals, so its straight out of the musical of my life (My Mundane Life In Song in full effect!), complete with chorus girls who are convinced to change their minds by the end of the song.

I also used the new keyboard and am getting used to the sounds, so I didn't make all the right choices but dear god I've been sitting on this song since August and its about time I posted it. I wrote it one day in August, recorded piano and vocals the following day, and then added strings and other weird songs last night during a burst of alone-induced-productivity. And I'm not working on it ever again, because I love this song enough to make it perfect, which will never happen. There is not time.

So... enjoy!

Lyrics:

I hate everyone
And I don't trust anyone
In the city, they're all out to get me

Any New Yorker in a car would run you over in the crosswalk
Even when the little blinking guy is telling you it's safe to walk across

Still I trust strangers bearing sandwiches
Try as hard as you might to convince me otherwise
That someone who respects the awesomest lunch food known to man
Could have evil motives
Not a sandwich lover!

Any waiter you tip could be spitting on your potatoes
And even Mr. Softee could be lying about the cost of your ice cream cone

Still I trust strangers bearing sandwiches
(She trusts strangers)
Try as hard as you might to convince me otherwise
(She can't be convinced)
That someone who respects the best thing that ever happened to bread
Could be capable of evil
(They're evil)

Nobody who knows about the sandwich swap in Park Slope is the type of person who would pee on lettuce
Hipsters prefer irony to the vulgar
The only risk I see is that nobody will trade their sandwich with me
Cuz I never liked Bloc Party
(Overrated)

Every time you use your credit card identity theft might not be far off
And when you're on the subway people won't hesitate to run down the pregnant lady to steal her seat

Wallets are stolen
The cabbies drive too fast
People are groped
And the dry cleaner's a bastard
The airlines are assholes
This whole country is fucked
I saw a crazy man taking a dump on my street
Everything's scary
And really messed up
So I'll take my chances, I'll press my luck
With a sandwich
A nice stranger's making me a sandwich
Don't fear the sandwich
Don't fear a sandwich

I trust strangers bearing sandwiches
(We trust strangers)
Try as hard as you might to convince us otherwise
That someone who respects the awesomest lunch food known to man could have evil motives
No, not a sandwich lover!

Trust strangers bearing sandwiches
Trust strangers bearing sandwiches
Trust strangers bearing sandwiches

On Track

The last couple of weeks have been catch up weeks - catching up on household projects, getting organized, making lists of projects that need to be done, phone calls that must be returned, etc.

The last couple of weeks have also been heinous at work. Too much work, too much stress surrounding the work, but acceptable because the result was a thumbs up (thumbs up!) from the big guy, a handshake from The Boss, and a weird insult/compliment to the effect of "This is an instance of where your being so anal has really helped us... nobody else at this entire company could have done as good a job." Right.

The last couple of weeks have also been social. I'm settling back into my old life, and it makes me feel like I don't want to leave. There's so much to do, so much to see, so many conversations to have.

This week was busy. I spent Monday night staring catatonically at the TV. D said "You must be really bored." "Au contraire..." I said. "There are a million things I could be doing right now, but note! I am choosing to sit here and watch Friends reruns. Do not judge me!"

I was a bit fried from the weekend. I didn't do much, but I emerged from the weekend emotionally drained. I stayed in on Friday night. I finally returned JQ's phone call and waited for half an hour before I dropped the bomb and killed the conversation. D and I tried a new recipe that was an abysmal failure. Mid-recipe Father called (I didn't know what to do - why was he calling? was I happy he was calling? was I mortified?), and my heart was torn to shreds and then reassembled by my assertiveness. We tried to watch Godfather 3 to get my mind off of things, but the movie just sucks. Hard. Sophia Coppola = gross. We started watching The Happiness of the Katakuri's (a Japanese murder-mystery-musical) and fell asleep in the middle of it.

We woke up early to see Marie Antionette, which I was being dragged to as a dutiful girlfriend. For some reason incomprehensible to me, D has a crush on Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst = also gross. The movie = also gross! Oh my. One of the worst I've ever seen, and not even because of Kirsten Dunst. The only good thing about it was Steve Coogan, who I heart. D even hated it, and he loves everything. He was mortified by the wastefulness. It was a very anti-Sophia weekend.

We met up with Brother and BB at Penn Station, and headed downtown to a gallery. We went to more galleries. We shopped. We ate pizza and then more pizza with marshmallows and chocolate on it. We shopped. D and Brother enabled me to buy Fluevogs. We spent yet another weekend evening in and watched Lady Vengeance and then finished watching The Happiness of the Katakuri's, which turned out to be one of the best movies of all time.

We woke up early on Sunday morning to see the matinee of The Prestige, which was amazing. You must all run out and see it immediately! This minute! Oh! It was a life-changing movie. And OH, Christian Bale! Oh my. Really. Even with a fake beard. And Hugh Jackman can act. I'm getting all excited just thinking about the movie. The rest of the day was spent playing with the new external hard drive and burning CDs and backing up songs and cleaning and talking to NL finally and talking to Mother for hours during which I was honest and protecting and somehow managed to feel functional afterwards. We didn't watch TV and read instead.

Monday was the vegetating and then D, after I'd brushed my teeth and emerged to say goodnight to him, saying "Hey - should we talk about the vacation now?" "Ok?" and then talking and no progress and then D putting the laptop on me saying "Let's look some things up..." and then walking away and me saying "Can I please go to sleep?" an hour later and him being annoyed and all "You have to ask me to go to sleep?" and I said "No, I mean 'do you mind if I stop doing this?'" and my going to sleep way later than I'd meant to.

Tuesday was booking the trip! A resort in Cancun! No planning involved! A deal on the internet! A jacuzzi in the room! Yes! Of course now I have to shop for bathing suits. The Alaska plan was much better in that I own many many articles of clothing that obscure my body. But who cares? Cancun! WOO!!!!

We were late meeting MY at Grimaldi's for pizza because of the planning. We met there prior to checking out the hipster Hell House in DUMBO. For those of you who don't know, Hell Houses are these weird "haunted houses" set up by Evangelical Christians to freak kids out and to hopefully make them more religious. So rather than ghosts and zombies, there are scenes of abortions and suicides and gay weddings. I didn't know how I'd feel - I felt a little guilty, actually. I could go on and on about this for hours. It was an interesting experience, and I'll blog about it later. We went out for drinks afterwards at Superfine, which is awesome because it had giant (I mean GIANT) spiders all over the walls for Halloween.

I had lunch in the East Village with PW on Wednesday. I found the jackpot block for vegetarian dining as PW was a bit late. Sweet! Whole wheat goat cheese ravioli in a sage cream sauce with pieces of butternut squash. Deliciously fall. We caught up and squealed about work crushes and vented about families. I was having one of those nights where I was super excited about seeing D, and therefore nearly ran home. We had an actual conversation and then began watching American Dreamz, which turned out to be strangely entertaining.

I worked too late last night and was late meeting friends for falafel, so we ended up having amazing Thai instead in between. Afterwards we went to TM's show which wasn't as bad as he'd threatened, and D and I finished watching American Dreamz which was actually quite entertaining, mainly due to Willem Dafoe's portrayal of the Dick Cheney-esque character.

Tonight I am going to go home. And do nothing! No, not true. I am not capable of doing nothing! I am going to go to CVS, and then to the Amish market, and then home where I will do laundry (it is an emergency) and sweep and dust and watch a DVD and hopefully work on a song that's been lingering for over two months. I will finish it this weekend. I will also do one photography project that I've been procrastinating and will hopefully start the second one. I will also watch Babel with ER and hopefully dine with SK and MF. And hopefully I'll get to see NR for a bit, because she is emo and I am worried, because it is NYC and we all have those sorts of moods, especially when things are preventing us from enjoying the city. D is away this weekend, so I will spread out in the bed and get tons of sleep and not forget Daylight Savings and be absurdly productive and listen to classical music and make phone calls and be self-absorbed and exit the weekend feeling good about myself. I will be rejuvenated! I will be prepared for Halloween next week and 3D Nightmare Before Christmas.

Yes.

And now... CVS. Yay paper towels!

Boys Are Insane

One of my very best friends just had her first baby!

Needless to say I am overjoyed, bouncing off the walls with excitement, wanting to know all of the details.

I whispered to D "M had the baby!"

"Oh!" he said.

And then he started talking to someone else.

Boys are insane.

I guess men just don't care about gender or names or sizes.

I'll let you know if he ever asks.