There is something truly f-ed up about having to turn on one's air conditioner at the beginning of January.
The good news is that weather.com predicts "a few snow showers" for January 17th. Please please PLEASE.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Friday, January 05, 2007
Super Hero
I can't get enough of Wesley Autrey. Every time I read or hear something about him, I cry. I just watched the entire press conference. Every time he hugged Bloomie (who I also love) I cried.
There's been all sorts of discussions about why this sort of thing makes everyone feel so good.
Is it because in the same position we wouldn't have done the same thing? Shouldn't that make us feel bad? Or does it just make us appreciate people who do these sorts of things?
Is it because he's so humble and grounded?
Is it because he called out to his daughters to let them know he was safe?
Is it because he says he's not the hero and the people in Iraq are?
Is it because he did something completely and utterly and selflessly insane and lived to tell the story about his dirty hat?
He's being showered with gifts. Trump gave him $10,000. Disney gave him and his family a trip to Disney World, tickets and backstage passes to The Lion King, Mickey ears and stuffed animals. The MTA gave him a year's worth of free subway rides (cheap - they should give him and his family free rides for life). Other organizations have given his daughters scholarship money.
I hope hope hope all of this attention and the gifts don't change him. He's so nice. He's normal. He's giving. I think this is why people are going nuts. He's a sweet, awesome guy who did something amazing on the way to work and asked for nothing in return other than for New Yorkers to always be nice to each other.
Man. I'm almost crying again.
There's been all sorts of discussions about why this sort of thing makes everyone feel so good.
Is it because in the same position we wouldn't have done the same thing? Shouldn't that make us feel bad? Or does it just make us appreciate people who do these sorts of things?
Is it because he's so humble and grounded?
Is it because he called out to his daughters to let them know he was safe?
Is it because he says he's not the hero and the people in Iraq are?
Is it because he did something completely and utterly and selflessly insane and lived to tell the story about his dirty hat?
He's being showered with gifts. Trump gave him $10,000. Disney gave him and his family a trip to Disney World, tickets and backstage passes to The Lion King, Mickey ears and stuffed animals. The MTA gave him a year's worth of free subway rides (cheap - they should give him and his family free rides for life). Other organizations have given his daughters scholarship money.
I hope hope hope all of this attention and the gifts don't change him. He's so nice. He's normal. He's giving. I think this is why people are going nuts. He's a sweet, awesome guy who did something amazing on the way to work and asked for nothing in return other than for New Yorkers to always be nice to each other.
Man. I'm almost crying again.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Danger!
Am I the only one who thinks its completely ridiculous to have a candle holder that involves a sheet of paper? I suppose its even more ridiculous to have a restaurant full of candle holders made of paper, even if that restaurant has amazing amazing amazing empanadas.
Also they didn't charge me for my sangria! Ha! I still spent $28, though, but that was with splitting my friend's drink (she was charged for her sangria), splitting an appetizer, having my own giant salad and splitting a dessert. $8 over, but many courses. When L asked me to come out to drinks with her friends afterwards, I said "No! I am being responsible and saving money. Yes, I am." I pouted but I did the right thing.
So we ordered a chocolate/pecan cake with raspberry sauce.
They brought us something else.
I said "This doesn't look like chocolate/pecan cake with raspberry sauce." It wasn't. It was like a three layer white cake with a molton chocolate mousse cake on top of it, drowned in some sort of white sauce. "Maybe, though, there are pecans in the white part?" we thought.
Needless to say we ate it. The molton chocolate part was spicey! It was amazing! Not what we ordered, but amazing.
I kept wondering if they were watching us, waiting to see if we would ever notice or mention that we'd been given the wrong dessert. I imagined us as part of a hidden-camera type show where the audience watches average people not be assertive. I wondered what the character traits are of people who don't say "Hey, this isn't what we ordered!" If it had been my main course, I would have said something. But how can you turn away such a lovely dessert?
We decided to ask the waitress what it was, because if we ever go there again, we'd probably order it again. "It's the chocolate puff..." she said. "Wait - is the chocolate puff the same thing as the chocolate/pecan cake with raspberry sauce?" "No. The chocolate puff is the special tonight."
Weird, since we didn't know there was a special. There's no way we could have ordered it accidentally, and she wasn't all like "Oh, you ordered the chocolate/pecan cake!"
Then she's like "Oh, sometimes they just switch them because of the special - the chocolate/pecan cake is chocolate so they gave you the chocolate puff instead."
?
Language barrier? We didn't know what to say. I emphasized that we weren't upset but were actually delighted by the switch.
I don't know. This is a lame story but I am telling it because I am very happy that there was either a miscommunication or a bizarro presumptuous switch, because the chocolate puff was divine!
Also they didn't charge me for my sangria! Ha! I still spent $28, though, but that was with splitting my friend's drink (she was charged for her sangria), splitting an appetizer, having my own giant salad and splitting a dessert. $8 over, but many courses. When L asked me to come out to drinks with her friends afterwards, I said "No! I am being responsible and saving money. Yes, I am." I pouted but I did the right thing.
So we ordered a chocolate/pecan cake with raspberry sauce.
They brought us something else.
I said "This doesn't look like chocolate/pecan cake with raspberry sauce." It wasn't. It was like a three layer white cake with a molton chocolate mousse cake on top of it, drowned in some sort of white sauce. "Maybe, though, there are pecans in the white part?" we thought.
Needless to say we ate it. The molton chocolate part was spicey! It was amazing! Not what we ordered, but amazing.
I kept wondering if they were watching us, waiting to see if we would ever notice or mention that we'd been given the wrong dessert. I imagined us as part of a hidden-camera type show where the audience watches average people not be assertive. I wondered what the character traits are of people who don't say "Hey, this isn't what we ordered!" If it had been my main course, I would have said something. But how can you turn away such a lovely dessert?
We decided to ask the waitress what it was, because if we ever go there again, we'd probably order it again. "It's the chocolate puff..." she said. "Wait - is the chocolate puff the same thing as the chocolate/pecan cake with raspberry sauce?" "No. The chocolate puff is the special tonight."
Weird, since we didn't know there was a special. There's no way we could have ordered it accidentally, and she wasn't all like "Oh, you ordered the chocolate/pecan cake!"
Then she's like "Oh, sometimes they just switch them because of the special - the chocolate/pecan cake is chocolate so they gave you the chocolate puff instead."
?
Language barrier? We didn't know what to say. I emphasized that we weren't upset but were actually delighted by the switch.
I don't know. This is a lame story but I am telling it because I am very happy that there was either a miscommunication or a bizarro presumptuous switch, because the chocolate puff was divine!
Oh My
I got the phone call. I guess this means I'm moving back!
Ummm. Whoa (said in my brain in the style of Keanu).
I wonder if I should stop the blog after I move, since the blog started when I was trying to move from MA to NYC. I guess that would be the tidy thing to do, but since when has life been tidy?
Oh my. This is really happening. Sometimes I feel as though I've been possessed. Various people think I am being irresponsible, but guess what! Those are the people who are old and unhappy and miserable, and if they took risks when they were younger they'd probably be far less bitter and judgmental now, and wouldn't be exerting precious energy in telling me I'm making a huge mistake and making me feel stupid.
And since when have I ever been irresponsible? These people don't know me well enough to know that I would never ever ever do something like this if it wasn't reversible and if it wasn't possible.
Whoa (again in the style of Keanu).
I guess I really thought it would fall through because I am a person with bad luck and, well, it shouldn't have been so easy. Then again, I still don't know what's going on with the apartment situation and with D and I'm sure that could all be a disaster but whatever! I have somewhere to be in May and I will be there and no stupid evil NYC landlord will stop me! Nope!
Man, I have a lot of musicals to see in the next few months.
Ummm. Whoa (said in my brain in the style of Keanu).
I wonder if I should stop the blog after I move, since the blog started when I was trying to move from MA to NYC. I guess that would be the tidy thing to do, but since when has life been tidy?
Oh my. This is really happening. Sometimes I feel as though I've been possessed. Various people think I am being irresponsible, but guess what! Those are the people who are old and unhappy and miserable, and if they took risks when they were younger they'd probably be far less bitter and judgmental now, and wouldn't be exerting precious energy in telling me I'm making a huge mistake and making me feel stupid.
And since when have I ever been irresponsible? These people don't know me well enough to know that I would never ever ever do something like this if it wasn't reversible and if it wasn't possible.
Whoa (again in the style of Keanu).
I guess I really thought it would fall through because I am a person with bad luck and, well, it shouldn't have been so easy. Then again, I still don't know what's going on with the apartment situation and with D and I'm sure that could all be a disaster but whatever! I have somewhere to be in May and I will be there and no stupid evil NYC landlord will stop me! Nope!
Man, I have a lot of musicals to see in the next few months.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
It's Merely OK To Be Back
I think I forgot that I live in NYC over break. Or perhaps I've become so adjusted to the idea of living in Boston again that I forgot about NYC entirely. I have a few more things to do and see here and then I'll be finished, and I'm not too distressed. I want to see Wicked, spend time with Brother, go to a few more museums and then never look back.
The break was good. It felt long, but not long enough. Again, I think I have adjusted to the idea of going to school, not working, and I'm cross with the world for expecting me to work. I shouldn't count the eggs before they hatch or whatever that saying is... it seems like its going to happen, but you never know. I wanted to buy equipment today but I'm not going to do anything until there is a form signed by me and money turned over. That is wise. I am so rarely overexcited about the future - its weird to me how non-skeptical I am about this - and so I want to hold onto this and be insane and irresponsible and thrilled and slacking.
I woke up this morning and felt like my eyelids were glued shut. I've grown used to too much sleep over the past week and a half.
Nobody is working today. Easy transition, no guilt. I used the Amazon gift certificate but not Barnes and Noble, because why does Barnes and Noble have to be so much more expensive that Amazon? I want to pick something that's $16 exactly so that I will spend $20 with shipping and won't have to kick in any of my own money to use the gift card. Cheap, I am, but it is the New Year and its Resolution #1 to save money. I didn't use the Victoria's Secret gift card either (can you believe that my little cousin has a job at Victoria's Secret? I am an old lady!) because I want nude-fishnets for various weddings but apparently they don't have them and I hadn't thought of anything else I might want. I mailed things and made business-y phone calls but not enough of them. I've been staring blankly and talking too much but I don't care because this won't last long.
The break was far less traumatic than I'd expected it to be. This was due, in part, to other drama that was brewing so we were all distracted. Christmas Eve Eve was spent with D's family and I love them all. I really do. His grandmother knows me better than my own grandmothers, and she's encouraging and non-judgmental and a joy to be around. Christmas Eve was too much family, the Lar side and the other side. Dear god. Sister and I were drunk, but I think we were allowed to be given all that's happened. I was surprised that more people weren't drunk in anticipation of having to talk to us. There was the usual lack-of-support and judging, and this year I didn't care. I didn't indulge. I sat in the corner and drank myself happy.
Christmas day was weird and there were tears, but not for long. We ended the night drunk again and having a dance party. Hopefully its a new Christmas tradition.
I saw few friends, because this was the first visit to new territority and it was important to spend time there. I saw friends from out of town - from CA and from England - and saw The Baby, because how can you not see The Baby? Even if I'm going to get to see The Baby on a regular basis soon, it is important to see The Baby while he's still a baby. He's cute, real cute, even if he hates me. We went to the new ICA and looked too quickly thinking there were four floors, but of the four floors only one floor has art. Weird. We went to Harvard Square. We drove around a lot. And then we came back and saw some New York friends and some good movies. We saw Children of Men and Pan's Labyrinth, both spectacular. On New Year's Eve we did nothing other than drink (too much drinking this break but its so rare and so necessary when dealing with family and weirdness) and eat and attempt a glimpse of Times Square that was thwarted at 8th Avenue. Insane. The Target confetti was silver and made the city sparkle as it drifted softly to the ground. I tried to catch them but it was difficult, but I am not above picking them up off the ground. I want to make something out of them next year. I started to doze off during Christina Aguilara and D woke me up at 11:55. I threw on my shoes and coat and we ran to the roof where I couldn't see the ball drop. D claims to have seen it. The fireworks were cute for the two seconds they were happening. We kissed and smiled at the neighbors and neighboring parties, and then went straight to bed.
And now its back to reality and I am going to be insane about getting a letter. And what if I don't? And will I call? What will I do? He said it was happening and welcome but that I'd receive a letter. And what about getting a job? What if what if what if? D said we should make a list of scenarios, but all of the scenarios depend on whether/when he gets a job, and if they'll negotiate. I am having a fantasy that he gets a job immediately and that they want him to start immediately, and he will be like "But I still have a lease in NYC!" and they will say "Oh - that silly thing? We'll pay it off!" and then D can move and I can live rent-free here and save a ton of money for school. Which is selfish of me, but its good for him too because that's more money I'll have to contribute to the amazing meals I will cook for him every night while I am in school.
Heh.
What will most likely happen is that we'll have to move before the lease is up and will end up carrying two apartments, or he won't get a job and we'll be homeless.
No! But I'm not worried! No way!
Instead of worrying... I am going to look for fishnets.
The break was good. It felt long, but not long enough. Again, I think I have adjusted to the idea of going to school, not working, and I'm cross with the world for expecting me to work. I shouldn't count the eggs before they hatch or whatever that saying is... it seems like its going to happen, but you never know. I wanted to buy equipment today but I'm not going to do anything until there is a form signed by me and money turned over. That is wise. I am so rarely overexcited about the future - its weird to me how non-skeptical I am about this - and so I want to hold onto this and be insane and irresponsible and thrilled and slacking.
I woke up this morning and felt like my eyelids were glued shut. I've grown used to too much sleep over the past week and a half.
Nobody is working today. Easy transition, no guilt. I used the Amazon gift certificate but not Barnes and Noble, because why does Barnes and Noble have to be so much more expensive that Amazon? I want to pick something that's $16 exactly so that I will spend $20 with shipping and won't have to kick in any of my own money to use the gift card. Cheap, I am, but it is the New Year and its Resolution #1 to save money. I didn't use the Victoria's Secret gift card either (can you believe that my little cousin has a job at Victoria's Secret? I am an old lady!) because I want nude-fishnets for various weddings but apparently they don't have them and I hadn't thought of anything else I might want. I mailed things and made business-y phone calls but not enough of them. I've been staring blankly and talking too much but I don't care because this won't last long.
The break was far less traumatic than I'd expected it to be. This was due, in part, to other drama that was brewing so we were all distracted. Christmas Eve Eve was spent with D's family and I love them all. I really do. His grandmother knows me better than my own grandmothers, and she's encouraging and non-judgmental and a joy to be around. Christmas Eve was too much family, the Lar side and the other side. Dear god. Sister and I were drunk, but I think we were allowed to be given all that's happened. I was surprised that more people weren't drunk in anticipation of having to talk to us. There was the usual lack-of-support and judging, and this year I didn't care. I didn't indulge. I sat in the corner and drank myself happy.
Christmas day was weird and there were tears, but not for long. We ended the night drunk again and having a dance party. Hopefully its a new Christmas tradition.
I saw few friends, because this was the first visit to new territority and it was important to spend time there. I saw friends from out of town - from CA and from England - and saw The Baby, because how can you not see The Baby? Even if I'm going to get to see The Baby on a regular basis soon, it is important to see The Baby while he's still a baby. He's cute, real cute, even if he hates me. We went to the new ICA and looked too quickly thinking there were four floors, but of the four floors only one floor has art. Weird. We went to Harvard Square. We drove around a lot. And then we came back and saw some New York friends and some good movies. We saw Children of Men and Pan's Labyrinth, both spectacular. On New Year's Eve we did nothing other than drink (too much drinking this break but its so rare and so necessary when dealing with family and weirdness) and eat and attempt a glimpse of Times Square that was thwarted at 8th Avenue. Insane. The Target confetti was silver and made the city sparkle as it drifted softly to the ground. I tried to catch them but it was difficult, but I am not above picking them up off the ground. I want to make something out of them next year. I started to doze off during Christina Aguilara and D woke me up at 11:55. I threw on my shoes and coat and we ran to the roof where I couldn't see the ball drop. D claims to have seen it. The fireworks were cute for the two seconds they were happening. We kissed and smiled at the neighbors and neighboring parties, and then went straight to bed.
And now its back to reality and I am going to be insane about getting a letter. And what if I don't? And will I call? What will I do? He said it was happening and welcome but that I'd receive a letter. And what about getting a job? What if what if what if? D said we should make a list of scenarios, but all of the scenarios depend on whether/when he gets a job, and if they'll negotiate. I am having a fantasy that he gets a job immediately and that they want him to start immediately, and he will be like "But I still have a lease in NYC!" and they will say "Oh - that silly thing? We'll pay it off!" and then D can move and I can live rent-free here and save a ton of money for school. Which is selfish of me, but its good for him too because that's more money I'll have to contribute to the amazing meals I will cook for him every night while I am in school.
Heh.
What will most likely happen is that we'll have to move before the lease is up and will end up carrying two apartments, or he won't get a job and we'll be homeless.
No! But I'm not worried! No way!
Instead of worrying... I am going to look for fishnets.
Another Year, Another Set of Resolutions
People keep asking me "Did you keep your resolutions from last year? What are they for this year?"
My answers have been "I don't know and I don't know."
I decided to consult the Almightly Elusive Pringle in search of last year's resolutions and will now be possibly embarrassed by my failures of the year.
Last Year's Resolutions, according to The Elusive Pringle:
1. Eat fewer cookies per unit time
Result: Success. More due to insulin than to willpower, but still!
2. Eat more salads
Result: Success. See above.
3. Possibly... gasp... join gym
Result: Um, failure. But this was a *possibly* so I don't feel too bad. I had a good spurt of lame exercise videos that I rocked prior to The Worst Day Ever, so it wasn't a total failure.
4. Play more piano (possibly get good again!)
Result: Sporadic success and focus and motivation, but overall I would say this one was a failure.
5. Watch fewer Netflixes
Result: Success! Well, I might be watching the same amount but they are not the same time-suck that they once were, so a good result, yes.
6. Read novels
Result: I definitely read more but not nearly enough, so failure.
7. Stop forgetting when exhibits end and thereby missing them entirely
Result: Success, although I feel like my overall interest in art has decreased due to media overload, but I didn't miss anything this year as I was list-maker extraordinaire!
8. Be better about keeping in touch with friends via phone
Result: Failure! I am still terrible!
9. Be better about making time to listen to original songs friends have sent me to listen to
Result: Failure, but this is because, um, people probably stopped sending me songs because I didn't listen to them.
10. Travel (more specifically: go to Europe... more precisely, do not become first ever greater than or equal to 30 YEAR OLD person who hasn't been to Europe)
Result: Well, I went to Europe, but after I turned 30, so I guess I failed. Sniff.
11. Buy and then learn how to use new fancy camera
Result: Success with bonuses!!!
12. Think about future like serious 30-year-old should
Result: Success! The future is happening, because I am thinking about it with D's assistance.
13. Buy fewer pairs of glasses
Result: Well, I bought two pairs but I didn't pay anything for them so it doesn't count.
14. Keep credit card bills to reasonable amount
Result: Failure, oh my, the worst failure. The trips (and the apartments) drained me.
15. Drink less
Result: I think this was successful, but its hard to tell.
16. Hang out less or not at all with people from work
Result: Great success without remorse. I am evil but am so much happier.
17. Make and keep friends
Result: Success, I think. I feel like I belong finally and this is due to real, true friends and not just friends of convenience.
18. Read articles in Village Voice and not just about what to do
Result: Success. Voice, I will miss you.
19. Write more songs per unit time - stop neglecting the blog!!!
Result: Failure. I neglected the blog in more ways than music, and I think I wrote fewer than ten songs this year. I am embarrassed.
20. Maintain current good course of relationship with boyfriend
Result: Wicked success! We are miraculously living together and planning a big move together. Yay!
Overall Success Rate of New Year's Resolutions for 2006: 60%.
Not bad, and some of those were ambiguous failures so the success rate is probably more like 66%. I'm proud of myself for keeping my resolutions without even realizing I was keeping my resolutions.
And now for the, drum roll, resolutions for 2007 (and note the guest appearances of certain resolutions from 2006):
1. Save money, save money, and also save money. For the love of god save money. Be responsible. Stop hemorhaging money. Stop! PLEASE!
2. Limit dinner prices to $20.
3. Only one drink at dinner, and hopefully this will be included in the $20.
4. Exercise tapes (note that I am not saying "join gym" because I know this will not happen due to hating of working out and also due to saving of money).
5. Weights.
6. Read more books/graphic novels.
7. Continue bringing own lunch to work/school in order to save money and also eat in healthy manner.
8. Keep up with magazines in a timely fashion and do not let accumulate for months and months and months.
9. Write songs for the blog goddamit.
10. Begin writing musical.
11. Play more piano and get good.
12. Avoid apartment-related drama in NYC for one year. I realize this is out of my control but please please please let us be responsible and not lose more money.
13. Get to school on time every day.
14. Stop allowing The Parents to cause me to experience all manner of madness (this has already begun and I think there will be success).
15. If there is free time and extra money, which there will not be, take dance class.
16. Not be nervous when whole life changes.
17. Ahem - this is a long shot but - ahem - attempt to get driver's license. Right. Yes. If there is time and uncharacteristic bravery, I will do this!
18. Continue to sell things on Ebay and Craigslist in order to make small fortune!
19. Keep in touch with friends via phone in more regular fashion.
20. Become amazing cook in new life when there will be time to become amazing cook.
OK! 2007! Woo hoo! Yeah! I think its gonna be a good one, or at the very least, better than last year, because really, could things get any worse? Well, I guess they have a potential to get really bad this year but I'm trying not to think about it and to instead watch a lot of Arrested Development because, really, jail can be funny, right? Right.
My answers have been "I don't know and I don't know."
I decided to consult the Almightly Elusive Pringle in search of last year's resolutions and will now be possibly embarrassed by my failures of the year.
Last Year's Resolutions, according to The Elusive Pringle:
1. Eat fewer cookies per unit time
Result: Success. More due to insulin than to willpower, but still!
2. Eat more salads
Result: Success. See above.
3. Possibly... gasp... join gym
Result: Um, failure. But this was a *possibly* so I don't feel too bad. I had a good spurt of lame exercise videos that I rocked prior to The Worst Day Ever, so it wasn't a total failure.
4. Play more piano (possibly get good again!)
Result: Sporadic success and focus and motivation, but overall I would say this one was a failure.
5. Watch fewer Netflixes
Result: Success! Well, I might be watching the same amount but they are not the same time-suck that they once were, so a good result, yes.
6. Read novels
Result: I definitely read more but not nearly enough, so failure.
7. Stop forgetting when exhibits end and thereby missing them entirely
Result: Success, although I feel like my overall interest in art has decreased due to media overload, but I didn't miss anything this year as I was list-maker extraordinaire!
8. Be better about keeping in touch with friends via phone
Result: Failure! I am still terrible!
9. Be better about making time to listen to original songs friends have sent me to listen to
Result: Failure, but this is because, um, people probably stopped sending me songs because I didn't listen to them.
10. Travel (more specifically: go to Europe... more precisely, do not become first ever greater than or equal to 30 YEAR OLD person who hasn't been to Europe)
Result: Well, I went to Europe, but after I turned 30, so I guess I failed. Sniff.
11. Buy and then learn how to use new fancy camera
Result: Success with bonuses!!!
12. Think about future like serious 30-year-old should
Result: Success! The future is happening, because I am thinking about it with D's assistance.
13. Buy fewer pairs of glasses
Result: Well, I bought two pairs but I didn't pay anything for them so it doesn't count.
14. Keep credit card bills to reasonable amount
Result: Failure, oh my, the worst failure. The trips (and the apartments) drained me.
15. Drink less
Result: I think this was successful, but its hard to tell.
16. Hang out less or not at all with people from work
Result: Great success without remorse. I am evil but am so much happier.
17. Make and keep friends
Result: Success, I think. I feel like I belong finally and this is due to real, true friends and not just friends of convenience.
18. Read articles in Village Voice and not just about what to do
Result: Success. Voice, I will miss you.
19. Write more songs per unit time - stop neglecting the blog!!!
Result: Failure. I neglected the blog in more ways than music, and I think I wrote fewer than ten songs this year. I am embarrassed.
20. Maintain current good course of relationship with boyfriend
Result: Wicked success! We are miraculously living together and planning a big move together. Yay!
Overall Success Rate of New Year's Resolutions for 2006: 60%.
Not bad, and some of those were ambiguous failures so the success rate is probably more like 66%. I'm proud of myself for keeping my resolutions without even realizing I was keeping my resolutions.
And now for the, drum roll, resolutions for 2007 (and note the guest appearances of certain resolutions from 2006):
1. Save money, save money, and also save money. For the love of god save money. Be responsible. Stop hemorhaging money. Stop! PLEASE!
2. Limit dinner prices to $20.
3. Only one drink at dinner, and hopefully this will be included in the $20.
4. Exercise tapes (note that I am not saying "join gym" because I know this will not happen due to hating of working out and also due to saving of money).
5. Weights.
6. Read more books/graphic novels.
7. Continue bringing own lunch to work/school in order to save money and also eat in healthy manner.
8. Keep up with magazines in a timely fashion and do not let accumulate for months and months and months.
9. Write songs for the blog goddamit.
10. Begin writing musical.
11. Play more piano and get good.
12. Avoid apartment-related drama in NYC for one year. I realize this is out of my control but please please please let us be responsible and not lose more money.
13. Get to school on time every day.
14. Stop allowing The Parents to cause me to experience all manner of madness (this has already begun and I think there will be success).
15. If there is free time and extra money, which there will not be, take dance class.
16. Not be nervous when whole life changes.
17. Ahem - this is a long shot but - ahem - attempt to get driver's license. Right. Yes. If there is time and uncharacteristic bravery, I will do this!
18. Continue to sell things on Ebay and Craigslist in order to make small fortune!
19. Keep in touch with friends via phone in more regular fashion.
20. Become amazing cook in new life when there will be time to become amazing cook.
OK! 2007! Woo hoo! Yeah! I think its gonna be a good one, or at the very least, better than last year, because really, could things get any worse? Well, I guess they have a potential to get really bad this year but I'm trying not to think about it and to instead watch a lot of Arrested Development because, really, jail can be funny, right? Right.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Irresponsible
I've officially performed my last benchwork of 2007. Woo.
There was a small birthday celebration for someone I don't really know, and someone suggested we watch this past weekend's Justin Timberlake digital short from SNL. I said "I'm not sure that's appopriate..." but people were intrigued, so I left, because, really, not good. It's funny, but not at-work funny.
I'm going to see Annie tonight. Not even Kathy Lee can deter me from Annie! No sir! Three musicals in one week. Does life get any better?
I said to D last night "What I would like out of life would be to make a living taking pictures and to see a musical every day." That would be bliss.
I've been thinking about how Mary Poppins was awesome but pointless. The pointlessness didn't bother me as a child. For a child, toys coming to life is the point. When did we become so concerned with plot? Themes? Direction? Dance numbers? The dance number to Step in Time was the best thing ever, and I was thrilled that it came in the second act. I struggle post-intermission, no matter what I'm seeing. Those writers are savvy!
I've also been thinking about how the musical is based on a movie that was based on a book, and isn't there anything original left in this world? Even Annie was based on a comic strip! Or was the comic strip based on the musical? I don't know. I'm sure I'll find this all out tonight in the program.
But seriously - what have I seen this year - The Producers (first a movie, right?), Spamalot (also a movie), The Pajama Game (based on a book), Mary Poppins (based on a movie based on a book), The Drowsey Chaperone (new! exciting! but paying homage to old-timey musicals, really a grandiose spoof but so much more eloquent than something like Spamalot), and tonight Annie. I still want to see Wicked before I go, and that, of course, is based on a book. Oh - I did see The Fantasticks, and as far as I know that was a totally original exercise that the writer blurted out when he was in school or something. So 7/8 unoriginal. Sad.
I don't know what my point is. I guess my point is that we live in an era of recycling in the entertainment industry and its sort of weird, given how much unique viral content there is on the web.
Which is why I'm not perturbed by Time's declaring YOU as The Person of the Year, because, seriously, it's Joe Schmoe Blogger who's influencing the world these days, generating buzz, making and breaking careers, etc. Everyone thinks its lame, but today's innovation is happening in a new way.
Blah blah blah.
I'm really tired today. I'm afraid I may fall asleep during Annie! No! I was up late too last night.
I had sangria with NR and drunk tagged Mother afterwards. Who does that? Me! It was the right thing to do, because when I'm in a toasty mood it is easier for me to handle things and to be optimistic. I was cracking Mother up, which made me feel good. She actually thanked me for it. Imagine, Mother thanking me for being drunk on a Wednesday night while wandering New York City alone at 11:15 pm! How far we've all come.
I got home and wasn't mad anymore, even though I probably should have been. I was impressed by the first apology he's ever issued, and wow. Being apologized to apparently works! It's much easier than having a fight. Granted, I apologized first for being overly emotional, but he apologized for blowing up for no reason. He's learning! He realized that he blew up for no reason without my having to state that he blew up for no reason! Yeah!
At midnight he said "When do you want to have The Big Talk?" Ah, The Big Talk, the future, finances, when, where, what, is the resume ready, what if what if what if what if. I said "I don't know... there may not be time before my interview!" He said "We could talk in the car," and I said "I don't know... its sort of a serious conversation to be having in the car." He said as long as we had it on the highway it wouldn't be a problem. Then he said "How about now?"
Ugh. Midnight! I love that he is naive enough to think that a discussion about the future will take 5 minutes. I was like "I don't know..." groan etc. drunken distress.
He said "Well, I have some questions to ask you."
He asked questions, good ones, and I was able to answer them. Then we talked about money, and oh please for the love of god could I please be assertive enough next time to say "I'm drunk and tired and shouldn't really be talking about the future right now because I'm not coherent and I'm overemotional and insecure" because I get so overemotional and insecure when I drink, and I worry even more than usual. I either giggle and become the most confident person ever or I am plagued by thought and self-doubt and self-loathing. It was a self-loathing night that deteriorated into my ennumerating the thousands upon thousands of dollars I've lost by living in NYC for only two years, and how that was irresponsible, and how I'll never have it back, and how if I had it this wouldn't suck so bad right now, and how we were irresponsible, and how I am scared to death to basically get rid of all my remaining money when there's nothing secure in my life - family falling apart, parents who are either helpless or homeless, no safety net, relationship not set in stone, unsure of whether I'll be good at this, unsure if I'll like it, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
Differences in life philosophies. Apparently some people can dump their entire life's worth on a whim. I'm just not like that. I wish I was, but I get concerned.
The conversation ended warmly but I was up for another two hours (that's 4 am, folks!) having a crying-induced headache and worrying about turning... ahem... 31. How has this happened?
I realized this morning that the root of my concern is that I don't want to be irresponsible about this. I feel that I've been irresponsible for the last two years and it has to stop. And we will have to stop together. I articulated this before he left for work this morning, and he seemed to understand. I am not a person who does things without thinking them through, and I've been not thinking things through due to this relationship for long enough. I'm going to plan this, and have many plans about this, and nobdoy can stop me!
Mwa ha ha!
I'm still tense, but I feel resolute today.
Anyway.
Work is boring again today. Clearly. People are watching You Tube in the conference room.
And with that... I'm off. I'm off tomorrow on another forced vacation day and then I'm off to New England to visit family and friends and new babies!
I'll be back on the 2nd.
Happy Holidays to the one person who still reads The Elusive Pringle!
There was a small birthday celebration for someone I don't really know, and someone suggested we watch this past weekend's Justin Timberlake digital short from SNL. I said "I'm not sure that's appopriate..." but people were intrigued, so I left, because, really, not good. It's funny, but not at-work funny.
I'm going to see Annie tonight. Not even Kathy Lee can deter me from Annie! No sir! Three musicals in one week. Does life get any better?
I said to D last night "What I would like out of life would be to make a living taking pictures and to see a musical every day." That would be bliss.
I've been thinking about how Mary Poppins was awesome but pointless. The pointlessness didn't bother me as a child. For a child, toys coming to life is the point. When did we become so concerned with plot? Themes? Direction? Dance numbers? The dance number to Step in Time was the best thing ever, and I was thrilled that it came in the second act. I struggle post-intermission, no matter what I'm seeing. Those writers are savvy!
I've also been thinking about how the musical is based on a movie that was based on a book, and isn't there anything original left in this world? Even Annie was based on a comic strip! Or was the comic strip based on the musical? I don't know. I'm sure I'll find this all out tonight in the program.
But seriously - what have I seen this year - The Producers (first a movie, right?), Spamalot (also a movie), The Pajama Game (based on a book), Mary Poppins (based on a movie based on a book), The Drowsey Chaperone (new! exciting! but paying homage to old-timey musicals, really a grandiose spoof but so much more eloquent than something like Spamalot), and tonight Annie. I still want to see Wicked before I go, and that, of course, is based on a book. Oh - I did see The Fantasticks, and as far as I know that was a totally original exercise that the writer blurted out when he was in school or something. So 7/8 unoriginal. Sad.
I don't know what my point is. I guess my point is that we live in an era of recycling in the entertainment industry and its sort of weird, given how much unique viral content there is on the web.
Which is why I'm not perturbed by Time's declaring YOU as The Person of the Year, because, seriously, it's Joe Schmoe Blogger who's influencing the world these days, generating buzz, making and breaking careers, etc. Everyone thinks its lame, but today's innovation is happening in a new way.
Blah blah blah.
I'm really tired today. I'm afraid I may fall asleep during Annie! No! I was up late too last night.
I had sangria with NR and drunk tagged Mother afterwards. Who does that? Me! It was the right thing to do, because when I'm in a toasty mood it is easier for me to handle things and to be optimistic. I was cracking Mother up, which made me feel good. She actually thanked me for it. Imagine, Mother thanking me for being drunk on a Wednesday night while wandering New York City alone at 11:15 pm! How far we've all come.
I got home and wasn't mad anymore, even though I probably should have been. I was impressed by the first apology he's ever issued, and wow. Being apologized to apparently works! It's much easier than having a fight. Granted, I apologized first for being overly emotional, but he apologized for blowing up for no reason. He's learning! He realized that he blew up for no reason without my having to state that he blew up for no reason! Yeah!
At midnight he said "When do you want to have The Big Talk?" Ah, The Big Talk, the future, finances, when, where, what, is the resume ready, what if what if what if what if. I said "I don't know... there may not be time before my interview!" He said "We could talk in the car," and I said "I don't know... its sort of a serious conversation to be having in the car." He said as long as we had it on the highway it wouldn't be a problem. Then he said "How about now?"
Ugh. Midnight! I love that he is naive enough to think that a discussion about the future will take 5 minutes. I was like "I don't know..." groan etc. drunken distress.
He said "Well, I have some questions to ask you."
He asked questions, good ones, and I was able to answer them. Then we talked about money, and oh please for the love of god could I please be assertive enough next time to say "I'm drunk and tired and shouldn't really be talking about the future right now because I'm not coherent and I'm overemotional and insecure" because I get so overemotional and insecure when I drink, and I worry even more than usual. I either giggle and become the most confident person ever or I am plagued by thought and self-doubt and self-loathing. It was a self-loathing night that deteriorated into my ennumerating the thousands upon thousands of dollars I've lost by living in NYC for only two years, and how that was irresponsible, and how I'll never have it back, and how if I had it this wouldn't suck so bad right now, and how we were irresponsible, and how I am scared to death to basically get rid of all my remaining money when there's nothing secure in my life - family falling apart, parents who are either helpless or homeless, no safety net, relationship not set in stone, unsure of whether I'll be good at this, unsure if I'll like it, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
Differences in life philosophies. Apparently some people can dump their entire life's worth on a whim. I'm just not like that. I wish I was, but I get concerned.
The conversation ended warmly but I was up for another two hours (that's 4 am, folks!) having a crying-induced headache and worrying about turning... ahem... 31. How has this happened?
I realized this morning that the root of my concern is that I don't want to be irresponsible about this. I feel that I've been irresponsible for the last two years and it has to stop. And we will have to stop together. I articulated this before he left for work this morning, and he seemed to understand. I am not a person who does things without thinking them through, and I've been not thinking things through due to this relationship for long enough. I'm going to plan this, and have many plans about this, and nobdoy can stop me!
Mwa ha ha!
I'm still tense, but I feel resolute today.
Anyway.
Work is boring again today. Clearly. People are watching You Tube in the conference room.
And with that... I'm off. I'm off tomorrow on another forced vacation day and then I'm off to New England to visit family and friends and new babies!
I'll be back on the 2nd.
Happy Holidays to the one person who still reads The Elusive Pringle!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
What's On My Mind
Thinking about the new Rocky movie. Experiencing great distress. I find it unsettling. I don't know why I find it unsettling, but I do.
Thinking about this weird dream I had last night, in which I was a tall, large gay man in love with D. I asked him to marry me. He said "yes."
Thinking about an equally weird dream I had the night before in which I was breast-feeding a baby that looked exactly like Sister when she was a baby. I don't think the baby was Sister, but still. Weird.
Thinking about D's voicemail that he wiped out hard and there are bruises and pains but the bike isn't damaged and that's what really matters and how am I supposed to not worry? And why doesn't he answer his phone?
Thinking about D inviting me out to a movie tonight with his female friend, a movie that I asked him to see this weekend. His response to my invite was "No, that seems more like a rental... I'll pass" but now that someone else wants to go he's all about it. Trying not to think too much about it, or think negatively. I suppose I should just be happy I'm invited, but still.
Thinking about going home to no home. I know she thinks its going to be wonderfully home-y but home is not a place to which you have to bring your own sheets and bed. It's just not. It's all wrong. Home is where you are taken care of, not where you have to do the grocery shopping and cooking and planning. I don't like this sort of visit, and I want to explain why but there are so many eggshells right now. If all goes according to plan this will be the last time I have to stay over, at least for a while, because hopefully next year we can just drive home afterwards or be in the sun somewhere else entirely, sleeping in a bed that was made and eating cereal the next morning that was already there. Sure, there may not be conversation but at least there is taking-care-of-guests happening.
Thinking about cleaning at work. I dumped a bunch of stuff today. I need to consolidate. I don't know if I'm doing it because its a new year or because I want to be organized in case I don't work here in a few months. Best to treat the wronged group right.
Thinking about the future. I have asked D if he could schedule an appointment with me to talk about possible scenarios prior to my interview. I want to know "If this, then this..." He may ask when I would enroll, and I don't know because I don't know what's going on. I don't know if we'll split up. I don't know if he'll come without a job. I don't know if I'll go without a job. I don't know about subletting. I only know the ideal scenario.
Thinking about how some people only consider the ideal scenario, and somehow their lives end up so much more ideal.
Thinking about how I wish I had that sort of confidence. I don't think he realizes that you don't just get a job the moment you apply.
Thinking about how I don't really care, because there's movement and movement is what matters. I have no patience for the stagnant when there are things that could be accomplished.
Thinking about how I wish I could be the sort of person who is still satisfied when things are stuck.
Thinking about how I need to save money.
Thinking about how I hate thinking about money. Ergh.
Thinking about how I should be trying to find a new pair of headphones, because they broke again. Third pair this year. It might be time to just invest in a good pair that costs a bit more but will last more than three months in my bag.
And with that, I'm going to google.
Until tomorrow...
Thinking about this weird dream I had last night, in which I was a tall, large gay man in love with D. I asked him to marry me. He said "yes."
Thinking about an equally weird dream I had the night before in which I was breast-feeding a baby that looked exactly like Sister when she was a baby. I don't think the baby was Sister, but still. Weird.
Thinking about D's voicemail that he wiped out hard and there are bruises and pains but the bike isn't damaged and that's what really matters and how am I supposed to not worry? And why doesn't he answer his phone?
Thinking about D inviting me out to a movie tonight with his female friend, a movie that I asked him to see this weekend. His response to my invite was "No, that seems more like a rental... I'll pass" but now that someone else wants to go he's all about it. Trying not to think too much about it, or think negatively. I suppose I should just be happy I'm invited, but still.
Thinking about going home to no home. I know she thinks its going to be wonderfully home-y but home is not a place to which you have to bring your own sheets and bed. It's just not. It's all wrong. Home is where you are taken care of, not where you have to do the grocery shopping and cooking and planning. I don't like this sort of visit, and I want to explain why but there are so many eggshells right now. If all goes according to plan this will be the last time I have to stay over, at least for a while, because hopefully next year we can just drive home afterwards or be in the sun somewhere else entirely, sleeping in a bed that was made and eating cereal the next morning that was already there. Sure, there may not be conversation but at least there is taking-care-of-guests happening.
Thinking about cleaning at work. I dumped a bunch of stuff today. I need to consolidate. I don't know if I'm doing it because its a new year or because I want to be organized in case I don't work here in a few months. Best to treat the wronged group right.
Thinking about the future. I have asked D if he could schedule an appointment with me to talk about possible scenarios prior to my interview. I want to know "If this, then this..." He may ask when I would enroll, and I don't know because I don't know what's going on. I don't know if we'll split up. I don't know if he'll come without a job. I don't know if I'll go without a job. I don't know about subletting. I only know the ideal scenario.
Thinking about how some people only consider the ideal scenario, and somehow their lives end up so much more ideal.
Thinking about how I wish I had that sort of confidence. I don't think he realizes that you don't just get a job the moment you apply.
Thinking about how I don't really care, because there's movement and movement is what matters. I have no patience for the stagnant when there are things that could be accomplished.
Thinking about how I wish I could be the sort of person who is still satisfied when things are stuck.
Thinking about how I need to save money.
Thinking about how I hate thinking about money. Ergh.
Thinking about how I should be trying to find a new pair of headphones, because they broke again. Third pair this year. It might be time to just invest in a good pair that costs a bit more but will last more than three months in my bag.
And with that, I'm going to google.
Until tomorrow...
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Wooze
I can't take another minute of being bored at work. The Boss doesn't feel like thinking until 2007. I respect this but I can't handle not having anything to do at work, especially when I'm not feeling my best. I've been feeling lightheaded/fuzzyheaded/woozyheaded/buzzingheaded for the past week and quite frankly I'm sick of it. I'm not sure if it is dietary, stress-related, or other (if this doesn't stop by 2007 I will make a doctor's appointment, I swear, only to be told to eat lots of nuts, because really, I'm thin and therefore there can't be anything wrong with me which is fine with me, but the nuts aren't working this time and I don't like this not one bit!), but it's wearing on me. I'd like to be alert! around the holidays, and alert! so as not to have to really really really struggle to stay awake at work when its a mere formality being here.
I don't feel Christmas-y at all this year. The weather? The lack of gifts? The holiday-related anxiety? The squashing of all holiday traditions? Not having a home to go home to? The almost-fainting all day long? Our party last week helped - I was Christmas-y for about two hours and then up all night after having had too much caffeine and rum but at least I wasn't feeling like I was going to faint. Maybe what I need to do is drink all the time and I'll be fine! Yeah!
The party was good. There was a child. She sat on the piano bench with me and demanded song after song. I felt responsible. I kept thinking "This might be something she remembers... what if she ends up turning into some nutjob who forces people to sing Christmas carols at her apartment when they're not quite drunk enough?" The pressure!
We also sang the entire late-80's, early-90's Disney catalogue. It always amazes me that the cops are not called.
I spent Friday feeling faint (yeah!). I didn't do much of anything, other than eat and nap and read. On Saturday I felt lightheaded (ooh!) and so slept in and then treated myself to a spontaneous viewing of The Drowsey Chaperone which was amazing amazing amazing! I found myself in the fourth row (thank you, TKTS) where there were other lonely people. See it, if you can. Dined with D's friends but was completely and utterly out of it due to head buzzing phenomenon. I know I keep complaining about this but I feel like I've just had a week of delirium during which I couldn't quite process anything. I think I am getting old, or suffering massive blood loss that I'm not aware of for some reason.
Sunday was phone calls and more phone calls and, again, feeling like crap. We went to see The Holiday which was the worst movie ever, because Cameron Diaz is the worst actress ever and her character was repulsive. The 3/4 of the movie that was Kate Winslet/Jack Black/Jude Law was charming, although the more and more we think about the Jude Law character the more horrified we become, even if he did cry convincingly onscreen and cause me to have a meltdown. We ate fondue and I passed out at like 10:00 due to, ahem, my head buzzing.
I was forced to take yesterday off without plans. I slept in although not as long as I'd have liked to since I was dreaming that it was 3:30 pm and I couldn't believe I'd wasted the entire day. I shopped and bought the best wallet ever that I keep taking out of my desk drawer to gaze upon. I also bought a dress (for the holidays - as in - maybe a new dress will help me feel festive!), which I am wearing now albeit over pants, because I will not show my legs at work, no matter how much crap I am given by coworkers. I didn't do much more than watch a movie and write/record the Christmas song, after which I had tapas with D, his cousin, and her friends who are 13 trillion years younger than us and are just as horrified by our age as we are by theirs. It's hilarious. I can't remember what I was like when I was 23 but I hope I wasn't like them.
We're going to see Mary Poppins tonight (hence the dress) so I ought to be applying lipstick for the big date.
Until tomorrow...
I don't feel Christmas-y at all this year. The weather? The lack of gifts? The holiday-related anxiety? The squashing of all holiday traditions? Not having a home to go home to? The almost-fainting all day long? Our party last week helped - I was Christmas-y for about two hours and then up all night after having had too much caffeine and rum but at least I wasn't feeling like I was going to faint. Maybe what I need to do is drink all the time and I'll be fine! Yeah!
The party was good. There was a child. She sat on the piano bench with me and demanded song after song. I felt responsible. I kept thinking "This might be something she remembers... what if she ends up turning into some nutjob who forces people to sing Christmas carols at her apartment when they're not quite drunk enough?" The pressure!
We also sang the entire late-80's, early-90's Disney catalogue. It always amazes me that the cops are not called.
I spent Friday feeling faint (yeah!). I didn't do much of anything, other than eat and nap and read. On Saturday I felt lightheaded (ooh!) and so slept in and then treated myself to a spontaneous viewing of The Drowsey Chaperone which was amazing amazing amazing! I found myself in the fourth row (thank you, TKTS) where there were other lonely people. See it, if you can. Dined with D's friends but was completely and utterly out of it due to head buzzing phenomenon. I know I keep complaining about this but I feel like I've just had a week of delirium during which I couldn't quite process anything. I think I am getting old, or suffering massive blood loss that I'm not aware of for some reason.
Sunday was phone calls and more phone calls and, again, feeling like crap. We went to see The Holiday which was the worst movie ever, because Cameron Diaz is the worst actress ever and her character was repulsive. The 3/4 of the movie that was Kate Winslet/Jack Black/Jude Law was charming, although the more and more we think about the Jude Law character the more horrified we become, even if he did cry convincingly onscreen and cause me to have a meltdown. We ate fondue and I passed out at like 10:00 due to, ahem, my head buzzing.
I was forced to take yesterday off without plans. I slept in although not as long as I'd have liked to since I was dreaming that it was 3:30 pm and I couldn't believe I'd wasted the entire day. I shopped and bought the best wallet ever that I keep taking out of my desk drawer to gaze upon. I also bought a dress (for the holidays - as in - maybe a new dress will help me feel festive!), which I am wearing now albeit over pants, because I will not show my legs at work, no matter how much crap I am given by coworkers. I didn't do much more than watch a movie and write/record the Christmas song, after which I had tapas with D, his cousin, and her friends who are 13 trillion years younger than us and are just as horrified by our age as we are by theirs. It's hilarious. I can't remember what I was like when I was 23 but I hope I wasn't like them.
We're going to see Mary Poppins tonight (hence the dress) so I ought to be applying lipstick for the big date.
Until tomorrow...
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I Heart You, The Weather Channel Dot Com
Weatherchannel.com has new weather icons for the hourly forecast! Awesome!
Ligamentia
I'm not entirely thrilled with having a torn ligament in the toe. Not one bit. I don't have the luxury of keeping the stupid thing elevated. It's fine in the morning, but after a day at work dear god. Complain complain. More complaining because I have to clean, make spinach artichoke dip and bruschetta and pesto tonight, pick out an outfit and practice Christmas carols for the big soiree tomorrow night, during which I plan to drink away the toe pain.
The mid-week party is wonderful and without expectation, but it is occurring to me that I have invited 30 people over for 7:00 pm and that I will probably be getting out of work at 6:00. This means that there will be approximately half an hour to become presentable, straighten my hair, eat something, change outfits 18 times even though I will theoretically pick one tonight that I will of course hate by tomorrow and don't even mention what to do about shoes when your foot is grotesque!, cook four dishes, put stuff out, get organized, get Christmas-y, etc.
D and I agreed not to get each other presents, but last night he said "I have something to cheer you up about your toe!" and presented to me a present which could not be opened at that moment because its for Christmas. Bless him, but the pressure! Now I have to get him something but shopping and going for long walks when there exists the possibility that someone could step on my foot is not on my list of things-that-seen-pleasant right now. Plus, since we agreed not to get presents for one another I have put zero thought into what to get him.
Pressure! I nearly got away with not buying a single gift. Oh well.
Ah, the holidays.
Until tomorrow...
The mid-week party is wonderful and without expectation, but it is occurring to me that I have invited 30 people over for 7:00 pm and that I will probably be getting out of work at 6:00. This means that there will be approximately half an hour to become presentable, straighten my hair, eat something, change outfits 18 times even though I will theoretically pick one tonight that I will of course hate by tomorrow and don't even mention what to do about shoes when your foot is grotesque!, cook four dishes, put stuff out, get organized, get Christmas-y, etc.
D and I agreed not to get each other presents, but last night he said "I have something to cheer you up about your toe!" and presented to me a present which could not be opened at that moment because its for Christmas. Bless him, but the pressure! Now I have to get him something but shopping and going for long walks when there exists the possibility that someone could step on my foot is not on my list of things-that-seen-pleasant right now. Plus, since we agreed not to get presents for one another I have put zero thought into what to get him.
Pressure! I nearly got away with not buying a single gift. Oh well.
Ah, the holidays.
Until tomorrow...
Monday, December 11, 2006
Googling
Why do I insist on googling people from my past? No good can come from this! You might not find the person - bad result. This is always the case with introverted people from high school with whom I am still fascinated and still cannot gain access to. You might find the person you miss - bad result! It's not like you're going to contact them because that would be weird. Or is it? I found someone from college - someone who I shouldn't even remember but I was telling a story a while back that involved him and I thought "What ever happened to that guy?" Now I know where he works. And his email address. You might find the person you hate - and find out that they are happy! - and be forced to look at a picture of that asshole. Ergh.
Anyway.
I was watching a documentary this weekend and I swear that someone I used to work with was in it, so I googled him to see if I could find any indication of whether it was him, and now I am vexed, because I could email him, but do I want to? No! Should I? Yes! Because his email is on the web for all to see!
The weekend was good.
I slept in on Friday, then went to the dentist where I learned that I do not have any cavities as suspected. Woot! I was told to floss every day. Really. I was given a zillion small flosses and a toothbrush that won't fit in my toothbrush holder. It was freezing out, which made my failed quest for a nativity set that much more frustrating. I tried KMart (I haven't been in a KMart in years, I think, and KMart is becoming Target-ized - there are actually nice things, thanks to Martha, I imagine) but there were no mangers. Only piles and piles of beautiful Martha-designed Christmas ornaments and tree skirts and other things I wanted to buy. I managed to convince myself that having a Christmas tree this year is unrealistic due to cost - lights, stand, skirt, garland, ornaments, ahem. Yes, these things are one-time purchases but its just not the right year. I left KMart without sparkly blue bulbs and walked across the street to Macy's, which was beautiful but lame because there were no nativity sets. I had to battle tourists on the escalator and then elevator for 8.5 floors to find this out. The horror, the horror. Back at home I ate a lame sandwich and practiced Christmas carols in preparation for the party this week! When D came home from his half day, we braved the cold and made a huge decision. We celebrated by watching Clerks 2 and going to bed early as we were spent from big decisions, cold, and the apartment being 55 degrees.
Saturday was not terribly productive. Unplanned phone calls, missed brunch, Bust craft fair in Williamsburg (where I purchased no gifts as this is going to be a giftless Christmas by design so instead bought the best. butter. dish. ever.) where I felt terribly uncool and old and disgusting, soup and hot chocolate with NR, cleaning the apartment to immaculateness, more decisions but this time smaller and EBay-related (I have become addicted!), more cleaning, documentary, sleep and lots of it.
I opted not to go to a movie yesterday in favor of staying in, sleeping more, and practicing carols. I was unproductive due to stomach issues and also the fact that my toe might be broken. I got out of bed and jammed it on the keyboard in my bedroom. I have stubbed my toe approximately 4,324 times in my bedroom - either on D's side of the bed or on the keyboard, but this time my toe is purple and seems not to want to move anymore. Also it hurts. All the time. Hmmmm. I read a bit, and then headed out with D to the Matt Damon taping of Inside the Actor's Studio, which was awesome and insightful and the MA-pride level is insane right now, which is timely given that soon I will most likely be a resident again. He had wonderful anecdotes and I feel like I could direct a movie now. Best was his humbleness. We went for drinks afterwards and I had a martini in the manner of organic vodka/ginger/carrot juice/lime juice and mint that was not very good. The salad was, however. The conversation took a turn for the ugly when the subject was changed from "I was thinking about if we move and the rent because I won't have any income I was thinking..." to "Did I ever tell you about how in Saudi Arabia my friend and I used to shake soda cans and then open them and throw them into the air?" and then red flags going up and of course "You can't make these huge decisions without talking to me about them!" It ended well and I always know that our life philosophies are so very different but sometimes I have to think about my own life. I take my time with big decisions. He makes up his mind instantly and then delivers. And doesn't tell anyone that his mind has changed and that their lives will change accordingly. I admire this in many ways, I just want to be part of it instead of tagging along. He says "I can't be held to things I said before." I say "Unless you tell me that your mind has changed you can't expect me to be psychic - I would just assume that what you told me last about the topic still holds."
The conversation was constructive and I feel better. I feel part of things. I know he has me in mind when he makes these decisions. He makes assumptions about what I want, and that's very sweet, but per his point, things change and the last time we talked about this was, like, March. The Worst Day Ever hadn't happened yet, and moving now is very different from moving before. I think its the right thing, but I need to understand what it is before I commit to it.
I have to sell the piano. I have to buy another one. I need to look for a job. Or not. I don't know when we'd go. I don't know if he's looking for a job. He said he'd leave as soon as he got one. What would we do with our current apartment? Would I stay and work?
He knows it will be fine. It will be, but I want to be prepared. I want to make the most money possible before I stop making money. I want to be excited. I want to apply to school if this is really happening. I want to be able to talk about finances because you need to be able to talk about finances before you do something like this. Like what sort of apartment can we afford? What do we each want?
What is going on?
Anyway.
It's fine. It's going to be fine. It's just overwhelming and I am unprepared. And if its really happening, I want to prepare.
Did you know that it came upon a midnight clear? That's what the radio keeps telling me, over and over again.
Anyway.
I was watching a documentary this weekend and I swear that someone I used to work with was in it, so I googled him to see if I could find any indication of whether it was him, and now I am vexed, because I could email him, but do I want to? No! Should I? Yes! Because his email is on the web for all to see!
The weekend was good.
I slept in on Friday, then went to the dentist where I learned that I do not have any cavities as suspected. Woot! I was told to floss every day. Really. I was given a zillion small flosses and a toothbrush that won't fit in my toothbrush holder. It was freezing out, which made my failed quest for a nativity set that much more frustrating. I tried KMart (I haven't been in a KMart in years, I think, and KMart is becoming Target-ized - there are actually nice things, thanks to Martha, I imagine) but there were no mangers. Only piles and piles of beautiful Martha-designed Christmas ornaments and tree skirts and other things I wanted to buy. I managed to convince myself that having a Christmas tree this year is unrealistic due to cost - lights, stand, skirt, garland, ornaments, ahem. Yes, these things are one-time purchases but its just not the right year. I left KMart without sparkly blue bulbs and walked across the street to Macy's, which was beautiful but lame because there were no nativity sets. I had to battle tourists on the escalator and then elevator for 8.5 floors to find this out. The horror, the horror. Back at home I ate a lame sandwich and practiced Christmas carols in preparation for the party this week! When D came home from his half day, we braved the cold and made a huge decision. We celebrated by watching Clerks 2 and going to bed early as we were spent from big decisions, cold, and the apartment being 55 degrees.
Saturday was not terribly productive. Unplanned phone calls, missed brunch, Bust craft fair in Williamsburg (where I purchased no gifts as this is going to be a giftless Christmas by design so instead bought the best. butter. dish. ever.) where I felt terribly uncool and old and disgusting, soup and hot chocolate with NR, cleaning the apartment to immaculateness, more decisions but this time smaller and EBay-related (I have become addicted!), more cleaning, documentary, sleep and lots of it.
I opted not to go to a movie yesterday in favor of staying in, sleeping more, and practicing carols. I was unproductive due to stomach issues and also the fact that my toe might be broken. I got out of bed and jammed it on the keyboard in my bedroom. I have stubbed my toe approximately 4,324 times in my bedroom - either on D's side of the bed or on the keyboard, but this time my toe is purple and seems not to want to move anymore. Also it hurts. All the time. Hmmmm. I read a bit, and then headed out with D to the Matt Damon taping of Inside the Actor's Studio, which was awesome and insightful and the MA-pride level is insane right now, which is timely given that soon I will most likely be a resident again. He had wonderful anecdotes and I feel like I could direct a movie now. Best was his humbleness. We went for drinks afterwards and I had a martini in the manner of organic vodka/ginger/carrot juice/lime juice and mint that was not very good. The salad was, however. The conversation took a turn for the ugly when the subject was changed from "I was thinking about if we move and the rent because I won't have any income I was thinking..." to "Did I ever tell you about how in Saudi Arabia my friend and I used to shake soda cans and then open them and throw them into the air?" and then red flags going up and of course "You can't make these huge decisions without talking to me about them!" It ended well and I always know that our life philosophies are so very different but sometimes I have to think about my own life. I take my time with big decisions. He makes up his mind instantly and then delivers. And doesn't tell anyone that his mind has changed and that their lives will change accordingly. I admire this in many ways, I just want to be part of it instead of tagging along. He says "I can't be held to things I said before." I say "Unless you tell me that your mind has changed you can't expect me to be psychic - I would just assume that what you told me last about the topic still holds."
The conversation was constructive and I feel better. I feel part of things. I know he has me in mind when he makes these decisions. He makes assumptions about what I want, and that's very sweet, but per his point, things change and the last time we talked about this was, like, March. The Worst Day Ever hadn't happened yet, and moving now is very different from moving before. I think its the right thing, but I need to understand what it is before I commit to it.
I have to sell the piano. I have to buy another one. I need to look for a job. Or not. I don't know when we'd go. I don't know if he's looking for a job. He said he'd leave as soon as he got one. What would we do with our current apartment? Would I stay and work?
He knows it will be fine. It will be, but I want to be prepared. I want to make the most money possible before I stop making money. I want to be excited. I want to apply to school if this is really happening. I want to be able to talk about finances because you need to be able to talk about finances before you do something like this. Like what sort of apartment can we afford? What do we each want?
What is going on?
Anyway.
It's fine. It's going to be fine. It's just overwhelming and I am unprepared. And if its really happening, I want to prepare.
Did you know that it came upon a midnight clear? That's what the radio keeps telling me, over and over again.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Holiday Party #3 - NYC Has Become Unromantic
Michael Bolton is singing about Christmas right now.
***
I witnessed the most atrocious thing this morning. After getting off the subway at Spring Street, I was trailing a woman - tall, glamorous, perfectly groomed, walking with complete determination. So determined, in fact, that she decided to bust right through the emergency door rather than negotiate the turnstile with we plebians. I watched her do this, certain she'd turn around, horrified after having set off the alarm, apologetic to her fellow commuters. But did she? Oh no. She didn't even flinch.
I suppressed my commuter rage and looked to fellow commuters for a shared roll of the eyes or shrug of the shoulders, but they were nonresponsive, typical New Yorkers, completely withdrawn so as not to go insane.
***
The sort-of company party was last night. We paid for it ourselves since things are a mess and the party has been cancelled. The DJ wasn't starting until 9:00, so we hooked up our IPods in the bar. As we got more and more drunk, people wanted to dance, so I volunteered mine and put on the Going Away Dance Mix, September 2004.
Awwww yeah.
There's nothing better than hearing your IPod rocking the bar, seeing people smile, watching people dance.
It was a little weird, though, for a variety of reasons. Weirdness #1: Summer 2004. Old school. Toxic. People seemed unphased by the datedness. It tripped me out and reminded me of Boston. Weirdness #2: Thinking of being back in Boston because of music that reminded me of leaving Boston at my last company function before being back in Boston.
***
I know there are things that he doesn't know that everyone else in the whole world knows, and that these things are not personal. I know he loves me and I know he doesn't mean anything by these things. But lord sometimes I reach explosion points, and I reached one last night.
Ironic given that our anniversary is the company party.
People in relationships behave in certain ways. No, I take that back. People in good relationships behave in certain ways. I always thought that maybe I was being insecure or hyper-sensitive but when other people point things out to you, you realize you've been underreacting.
It's fine now, but it wasn't last night.
***
I am off tomorrow because they force you to use your unused vacation time or otherwise it disappears. Sweet!
***
Until next week...
***
I witnessed the most atrocious thing this morning. After getting off the subway at Spring Street, I was trailing a woman - tall, glamorous, perfectly groomed, walking with complete determination. So determined, in fact, that she decided to bust right through the emergency door rather than negotiate the turnstile with we plebians. I watched her do this, certain she'd turn around, horrified after having set off the alarm, apologetic to her fellow commuters. But did she? Oh no. She didn't even flinch.
I suppressed my commuter rage and looked to fellow commuters for a shared roll of the eyes or shrug of the shoulders, but they were nonresponsive, typical New Yorkers, completely withdrawn so as not to go insane.
***
The sort-of company party was last night. We paid for it ourselves since things are a mess and the party has been cancelled. The DJ wasn't starting until 9:00, so we hooked up our IPods in the bar. As we got more and more drunk, people wanted to dance, so I volunteered mine and put on the Going Away Dance Mix, September 2004.
Awwww yeah.
There's nothing better than hearing your IPod rocking the bar, seeing people smile, watching people dance.
It was a little weird, though, for a variety of reasons. Weirdness #1: Summer 2004. Old school. Toxic. People seemed unphased by the datedness. It tripped me out and reminded me of Boston. Weirdness #2: Thinking of being back in Boston because of music that reminded me of leaving Boston at my last company function before being back in Boston.
***
I know there are things that he doesn't know that everyone else in the whole world knows, and that these things are not personal. I know he loves me and I know he doesn't mean anything by these things. But lord sometimes I reach explosion points, and I reached one last night.
Ironic given that our anniversary is the company party.
People in relationships behave in certain ways. No, I take that back. People in good relationships behave in certain ways. I always thought that maybe I was being insecure or hyper-sensitive but when other people point things out to you, you realize you've been underreacting.
It's fine now, but it wasn't last night.
***
I am off tomorrow because they force you to use your unused vacation time or otherwise it disappears. Sweet!
***
Until next week...
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
It Has Begun
8.5 hours a day of Christmas music.
It's acceptable now, but next week... prepare for the madness.
It's acceptable now, but next week... prepare for the madness.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Annoyed
It's not so much what he did that's bothersome to people. It's what he was like before it even happened, and what he's still like. This is what he doesn't understand, and this is why he will always find himself alone. He can't accept responsibility for any of it, and there is so much he has done wrong over decades.
It is complicated, annoying, and right now I'm enraged about money. I'm freaking out about the future. D and I had a conversation about the rent issue (and yes, it seems that the landlord is breaking the law but at this point we're so fried from being New Yorkers that it might just be time to leave) and things are going to change. And change requires money, and lots of it.
He owes me money. He is very good at playing the victim, but he owes me money, and to me its a big sum, a sum that could really help in this transition. To me it's more than money - it means less worrying, less stress, feeling less trapped, and remorse.
We have been talking about lines in the sand. We all have different lines. I drew mine a long time ago, before everyone else did. I said "This is what it is" and accepted it. But sometimes the line becomes a wall, and I don't want my wall to be money but I think the wall isn't money itself but what the money represents.
Because don't normal parents try to help their kids out with downpayments and things like that rather than contribute to their being nervous about money?
I think this is a valid wall, because why should I be kind and supportive and sympathetic when he can't be generous and reasonable to his own child? After all that he's done?
I am going to demand the money, and the result will hopefully be retribution. The result might be a wall, and that's not what I want. What I want is to feel about him the way so many people about their fathers, and he makes it impossible. And then he gets all pitiful and sad and wants us to pity him when its his own fault.
Ah, I love these sorts of moods on Monday mornings!
A better entry later...
It is complicated, annoying, and right now I'm enraged about money. I'm freaking out about the future. D and I had a conversation about the rent issue (and yes, it seems that the landlord is breaking the law but at this point we're so fried from being New Yorkers that it might just be time to leave) and things are going to change. And change requires money, and lots of it.
He owes me money. He is very good at playing the victim, but he owes me money, and to me its a big sum, a sum that could really help in this transition. To me it's more than money - it means less worrying, less stress, feeling less trapped, and remorse.
We have been talking about lines in the sand. We all have different lines. I drew mine a long time ago, before everyone else did. I said "This is what it is" and accepted it. But sometimes the line becomes a wall, and I don't want my wall to be money but I think the wall isn't money itself but what the money represents.
Because don't normal parents try to help their kids out with downpayments and things like that rather than contribute to their being nervous about money?
I think this is a valid wall, because why should I be kind and supportive and sympathetic when he can't be generous and reasonable to his own child? After all that he's done?
I am going to demand the money, and the result will hopefully be retribution. The result might be a wall, and that's not what I want. What I want is to feel about him the way so many people about their fathers, and he makes it impossible. And then he gets all pitiful and sad and wants us to pity him when its his own fault.
Ah, I love these sorts of moods on Monday mornings!
A better entry later...
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Apartment Issues, As Always
I am back from Playa Del Carmen and things have quickly become the usual. Busy at work, stressed out in the city, smothered by socializing, freaking out about the lack of free time. I would give an arm to be reading on the beach right now.
We got a letter in the mail last night indicating that we have 30 days to decide whether or not we want to renew our lease on April 6th, 2007.
Wtf?
First of all, I think the landlord is doing something sketchy. The rent increase is a high percentage, and I am pretty sure our apartment is still stabilized given what we pay for it.
Second of all, it's not even December! How am I supposed to know what I want to do four months from now?
Third of all, how can I commit to this without knowing if I'm getting a raise this year? The increase is a significant amount of money, and combined with finally becoming legitimate and paying for internet, its enough to make me nervous.
Fourth of all, I feel like this is an intimidation tactic by the landlord. I don't like it. It really rubs me the wrong way. I've been reading a bit about it and it seems that with regards to rent stabilized apartments, the landlords are legally obliged to send this letter (albeit 60 - 90 days in advance, not 180) but we don't necessarily have to respond to it. Websites recommend leaving a paper trail because more often than not landlords are trying to screw you.
Fifth of all, the relationship pressure. For the love of god I have no idea how things will be in freaking April! How can I commit to something in April? As if it wasn't bad enough having every single person in Cancun ask us if we were married, and the resultant nervous shuffling, and the "Uhh... heheheh... " and the uncertain giggling. And then coming back and being asked if I'm engaged. And then being demanded to commit to living together for another 16 months.
I'm cross. I wish I was rich so (a) rent increases wouldn't be an issue and (b) I had a lawyer with whom I could discuss the potentially shady dealings of my landlord.
And I'm cross because I'm back at work, and busy.
And I'm cross because I'm already exhausted. New York destroys me instantly.
Much work to do.
Until tomorrow...
We got a letter in the mail last night indicating that we have 30 days to decide whether or not we want to renew our lease on April 6th, 2007.
Wtf?
First of all, I think the landlord is doing something sketchy. The rent increase is a high percentage, and I am pretty sure our apartment is still stabilized given what we pay for it.
Second of all, it's not even December! How am I supposed to know what I want to do four months from now?
Third of all, how can I commit to this without knowing if I'm getting a raise this year? The increase is a significant amount of money, and combined with finally becoming legitimate and paying for internet, its enough to make me nervous.
Fourth of all, I feel like this is an intimidation tactic by the landlord. I don't like it. It really rubs me the wrong way. I've been reading a bit about it and it seems that with regards to rent stabilized apartments, the landlords are legally obliged to send this letter (albeit 60 - 90 days in advance, not 180) but we don't necessarily have to respond to it. Websites recommend leaving a paper trail because more often than not landlords are trying to screw you.
Fifth of all, the relationship pressure. For the love of god I have no idea how things will be in freaking April! How can I commit to something in April? As if it wasn't bad enough having every single person in Cancun ask us if we were married, and the resultant nervous shuffling, and the "Uhh... heheheh... " and the uncertain giggling. And then coming back and being asked if I'm engaged. And then being demanded to commit to living together for another 16 months.
I'm cross. I wish I was rich so (a) rent increases wouldn't be an issue and (b) I had a lawyer with whom I could discuss the potentially shady dealings of my landlord.
And I'm cross because I'm back at work, and busy.
And I'm cross because I'm already exhausted. New York destroys me instantly.
Much work to do.
Until tomorrow...
Thursday, November 16, 2006
SPF 15 Packets From Work
I planned a light day at work so I would have time to contemplate fluid ounces and party cloudy weather reports.
I am trying to decide if I should check a bag or purchase zip loc bags. I don't even know if everything I want to bring will fit in a carry-on. The accursed camera(s) ruin(s) everything. As do the six books I am bringing. But I am bringing only bathing suits and light clothes and flip flops and possibly one extra pair of sneakers, because I refuse to pack fancy clothes and fancy shoes when going on a relaxing vacation. I think it will all fit in the small suitcase. But then the zip loc issue. I have to bring sunscreen and it kills me to have to buy it again when I already have enough to last me eternity given how much New Yorkers go swimming in the summer.
We leave tomorrow at 7:15 for my first ever relaxing vacation. I will be swimming up to the pool to get drinks and won't think that I am a dweeb, because I won't be thinking about anything at all! I would be really excited about this if I had any energy, but boring days at work drain me.
I am also busily contemplating a pet peeve of mine, which is when someone says "I will call you on such-and-such-a-day at such-and-such-a-time" and then don't! Why do that to someone? I realize this is to make the person feel better about himself or herself, but it makes the other person feel terrible because they will ultimately be disappointed after looking forward to something. Someone promised something yesterday and we are all freaking out today because we still haven't heard. I really wanted to wrap this up before leaving for vacation, but I guess I'll have to remain hanging. I hate when people tease.
Teasing is definitely in my top 5 pet peeves.
Another pet peeve of mine is when there are 4 zillion available seats on the subway and someone chooses to sit right next to me.
Still another is the promise of a petite line online, only to learn that most pants are not available in petite, and even when they are, and you put them in your cart at 6:00 one night because you don't have time to order them, they are no longer available by the following morning. Where can a girl get a pair of black pants for the love of god!?
I'm not sure how I feel about skinny pants. Inherently I think that they are hideous, but I have this suspicion that they may look half decent on me because they might not actually be skinny. I wouldn't know, though, because I can't find any that fit.
One pet love is when a CD you ordered arrives way sooner than you expected, and before vacation! Yeah!
Another pet love is online quizzes. Apparently I know nothing about the factors that predict whether or not a marriage will work. I think the only question I got right was about whether it was easier for a person who grew up with divorced parents or a person who grew up with fighting/lame/mismatched/neurotic/codependent/poor role model parents to maintain healthy relationships/marriages as adults.
One pet peeve is poor communication, and another is sole responsibility for communicating. There are so many things that I don't know about him that he knows about me, such as career aspirations. How can I not know these things?
Another pet love is jokes at work. Somebody sent me an email yesterday just to mess with me, and it made my week. Of course I subsequently had a dream about him that woke me up with a start. And then, of course, I had another and another. I know what it all means.
I was thinking about Father Figure as a concept (not as a song) on the way to work this morning. Why do some people look for it and others retreat from it? If you're not used to being taken care of, you either desperately want someone to take care of and pay attention to you or you get annoyed when someone takes care of you or pays too much attention to you. I think in relationships I end up being the latter and choose men who won't even notice me because that's what I grew up with (and then ultimately get annoyed that he's too busy or not listening to what I say or not paying attention to the relationship, even though this is ultimately what I selected him for in the first place), but then I dream about someone totally different.
A pet love is doting fathers. I wonder how wives feel about that. It must be hard at the beginning, but maybe you don't even notice because you're too busy doting too.
OK. I am going to stop now because I need to walk a bit so I don't fall asleep.
I'm off to Mexico, kids, so the blog won't be back until the Monday after Thanksgiving as I am officially without internet at home. Darn you, savvy neighbors, for shutting me out! I deserve it, and I shouldn't complain, but its making me sad. So no blog, no photos, no music. Nothing. I had no idea how much of my existence had been transferred to the web. Weird.
Enjoy Thanksgiving and time with your families!
Until next time...
I am trying to decide if I should check a bag or purchase zip loc bags. I don't even know if everything I want to bring will fit in a carry-on. The accursed camera(s) ruin(s) everything. As do the six books I am bringing. But I am bringing only bathing suits and light clothes and flip flops and possibly one extra pair of sneakers, because I refuse to pack fancy clothes and fancy shoes when going on a relaxing vacation. I think it will all fit in the small suitcase. But then the zip loc issue. I have to bring sunscreen and it kills me to have to buy it again when I already have enough to last me eternity given how much New Yorkers go swimming in the summer.
We leave tomorrow at 7:15 for my first ever relaxing vacation. I will be swimming up to the pool to get drinks and won't think that I am a dweeb, because I won't be thinking about anything at all! I would be really excited about this if I had any energy, but boring days at work drain me.
I am also busily contemplating a pet peeve of mine, which is when someone says "I will call you on such-and-such-a-day at such-and-such-a-time" and then don't! Why do that to someone? I realize this is to make the person feel better about himself or herself, but it makes the other person feel terrible because they will ultimately be disappointed after looking forward to something. Someone promised something yesterday and we are all freaking out today because we still haven't heard. I really wanted to wrap this up before leaving for vacation, but I guess I'll have to remain hanging. I hate when people tease.
Teasing is definitely in my top 5 pet peeves.
Another pet peeve of mine is when there are 4 zillion available seats on the subway and someone chooses to sit right next to me.
Still another is the promise of a petite line online, only to learn that most pants are not available in petite, and even when they are, and you put them in your cart at 6:00 one night because you don't have time to order them, they are no longer available by the following morning. Where can a girl get a pair of black pants for the love of god!?
I'm not sure how I feel about skinny pants. Inherently I think that they are hideous, but I have this suspicion that they may look half decent on me because they might not actually be skinny. I wouldn't know, though, because I can't find any that fit.
One pet love is when a CD you ordered arrives way sooner than you expected, and before vacation! Yeah!
Another pet love is online quizzes. Apparently I know nothing about the factors that predict whether or not a marriage will work. I think the only question I got right was about whether it was easier for a person who grew up with divorced parents or a person who grew up with fighting/lame/mismatched/neurotic/codependent/poor role model parents to maintain healthy relationships/marriages as adults.
One pet peeve is poor communication, and another is sole responsibility for communicating. There are so many things that I don't know about him that he knows about me, such as career aspirations. How can I not know these things?
Another pet love is jokes at work. Somebody sent me an email yesterday just to mess with me, and it made my week. Of course I subsequently had a dream about him that woke me up with a start. And then, of course, I had another and another. I know what it all means.
I was thinking about Father Figure as a concept (not as a song) on the way to work this morning. Why do some people look for it and others retreat from it? If you're not used to being taken care of, you either desperately want someone to take care of and pay attention to you or you get annoyed when someone takes care of you or pays too much attention to you. I think in relationships I end up being the latter and choose men who won't even notice me because that's what I grew up with (and then ultimately get annoyed that he's too busy or not listening to what I say or not paying attention to the relationship, even though this is ultimately what I selected him for in the first place), but then I dream about someone totally different.
A pet love is doting fathers. I wonder how wives feel about that. It must be hard at the beginning, but maybe you don't even notice because you're too busy doting too.
OK. I am going to stop now because I need to walk a bit so I don't fall asleep.
I'm off to Mexico, kids, so the blog won't be back until the Monday after Thanksgiving as I am officially without internet at home. Darn you, savvy neighbors, for shutting me out! I deserve it, and I shouldn't complain, but its making me sad. So no blog, no photos, no music. Nothing. I had no idea how much of my existence had been transferred to the web. Weird.
Enjoy Thanksgiving and time with your families!
Until next time...
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
My Tuesday Night
6:00 Left work, starving, but excited about low-carb broccoli casserole!
6:10 Went to CVS and in order to use fabulous $4 off any purchase of $20 or more ended up buying more than intended.
6:30 Took train to Amish Market.
6:45 Lugged CVS bags to Amish Market in the rain.
6:46 Maneuvered around Amish Market like insane person with CVS bags.
6:55 Denied cream of celery soup!
7:00 Purchased potato/leek soup as substitute as potato/leek soup tends to be more creamy than potato-y when purchased in can or box form.
7:05 Lugged CVS bags and many Amish Market bags home in the now pouring rain.
7:13 Changed clothes.
7:15 Set stove for 325. Encountered difficulty when actual temperature of oven was 450. Screamed a few times.
7:30 Assembled broccoli casserole with finesse!
7:40 Screamed a few times more when opened potato/leek soup only to learn that brand of potato/leek soup purchased was basically a solid. Curses!
7:45 Shut off oven (now a perfect 325).
7:55 Walked to three convenience stores in torrential downpours.
8:00 Swam to Food Emporium and bought only cream of celery soup, and thought I should be allowed to steal it because dear god I didn’t want to wait in line to purchase one freaking can of soup given the night I’d been having.
8:04 Greeted by annoyed look by cashier who perhaps disapproved of single can of soup purchase.
8:10 Swam home.
8:12 Changed again.
8:13 Turned stove dial to point where temperature had previously yielded 325.
8:15 Finished casserole half-recipe only to learn that it wasn’t nearly enough food for a meal (or volume to actually fill the small casserole dish).
8:20 Remade casserole.
8:25 Waited for stupid freaking stove to be 325, because at this point it decided not to go above 250.
8:30 Put casserole in.
9:15 Checked with knife – hadn’t cooked at all! OF COURSE!
9:16 Turned up heat.
9:36 Still hadn’t cooked at all!
9:40 – 9:50 Checked again! And then again! And then still again!
STARVING TO DEATH!
10:00 Ate Lucky Charms and salad and cooked casserole for another half an hour on 425 (because yes, 325 actually seems really low and no, I will never ever ever make a broccoli casserole involving eggs ever ever again).
10:20 D ate casserole and didn’t die, so eggs were most likely cooked.
Last night I made goat cheese ravioli with a sage/butter/cream sauce with chunks of butternut squash and was reassured that at time cooking works.
6:10 Went to CVS and in order to use fabulous $4 off any purchase of $20 or more ended up buying more than intended.
6:30 Took train to Amish Market.
6:45 Lugged CVS bags to Amish Market in the rain.
6:46 Maneuvered around Amish Market like insane person with CVS bags.
6:55 Denied cream of celery soup!
7:00 Purchased potato/leek soup as substitute as potato/leek soup tends to be more creamy than potato-y when purchased in can or box form.
7:05 Lugged CVS bags and many Amish Market bags home in the now pouring rain.
7:13 Changed clothes.
7:15 Set stove for 325. Encountered difficulty when actual temperature of oven was 450. Screamed a few times.
7:30 Assembled broccoli casserole with finesse!
7:40 Screamed a few times more when opened potato/leek soup only to learn that brand of potato/leek soup purchased was basically a solid. Curses!
7:45 Shut off oven (now a perfect 325).
7:55 Walked to three convenience stores in torrential downpours.
8:00 Swam to Food Emporium and bought only cream of celery soup, and thought I should be allowed to steal it because dear god I didn’t want to wait in line to purchase one freaking can of soup given the night I’d been having.
8:04 Greeted by annoyed look by cashier who perhaps disapproved of single can of soup purchase.
8:10 Swam home.
8:12 Changed again.
8:13 Turned stove dial to point where temperature had previously yielded 325.
8:15 Finished casserole half-recipe only to learn that it wasn’t nearly enough food for a meal (or volume to actually fill the small casserole dish).
8:20 Remade casserole.
8:25 Waited for stupid freaking stove to be 325, because at this point it decided not to go above 250.
8:30 Put casserole in.
9:15 Checked with knife – hadn’t cooked at all! OF COURSE!
9:16 Turned up heat.
9:36 Still hadn’t cooked at all!
9:40 – 9:50 Checked again! And then again! And then still again!
STARVING TO DEATH!
10:00 Ate Lucky Charms and salad and cooked casserole for another half an hour on 425 (because yes, 325 actually seems really low and no, I will never ever ever make a broccoli casserole involving eggs ever ever again).
10:20 D ate casserole and didn’t die, so eggs were most likely cooked.
Last night I made goat cheese ravioli with a sage/butter/cream sauce with chunks of butternut squash and was reassured that at time cooking works.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Umbrellas
Why do all the awesome umbrellas have to be from the UK? I just found foud umbrellas that I really want but it costs more to ship them than the cost of four umbrellas. I can rationalize buying four umbrellas because I will lose them all within one year's time, and a girl needs replacement umbrellas in this town!
The weekend was good. Real good.
It started Thursday night with D's friends, one visiting from Madrid and one from Santa Barbera. Both were delightful. We ate dinner out and had drinks and walked through Times Square and went to the Mac Store where they both bought the new Shuffle and then to Max Brenner(if there is such a thing as too much chocolate, this is it) and then home where their attitudes were lovely about participating in my new art project.
I took a half day on Friday as Sister originally planned to arrive by noon. She didn't, so I had time to read and clean the bathroom.
The main theme of the weekend (aside from Sibling Awesomeness!) was piss poor service. We ate dinner at Roberto Passon, which was previously awesome but is now low on the list. Well, not so. I'll still eat there because the food is amazing - pumpkin sage ravioli, folks - but still. We waited for 20 minutes for a table, and when we sat down, weren't served for 30 minutes. Which would have been acceptable given how crowded it was, except that the table next to us, which was seated ten minutes after us, received their drinks, bread, spreads, and appetizers before anyone even gave us water. There was also the Curb Your Enthusiasm moment when the waiter was chatting with them and had his butt on my bread. The waiter never brought us an ice bucket for our white wine (again, not a big deal except that he said he'd bring one), we had to ask for spreads for the bread, and when we asked for more it never came. Sister and I are lightweights, and were asleep by 10:30 thanks to the wine.
We slept in on Saturday (Sister got 11 hours!), chatted, listened to old mix CDs and remembered how things used to be. We got dressed and had brunch at 44 SW, which is great because of homemade mini muffins but we got stranded because the absentee waitress never came to get my credit card. Brother was waiting for us at Penn Station and we were late because of the bill issue. We ended up tipping less with the cash we had so we could get out of there.
We met Brother at Penn Station and took the 3 to The Brooklyn Museum, which was unbearable because it was running local. I had a New York moment where I nearly kicked a woman who's train etiquette offended me. The Ron Mueck show was amazing. We stayed to watch the documentary. The Annie Liebovitz show was also amazing, but it was too crowded to see everything. The watercolor exhibit was nuts in a good way, which makes me sad because nobody was looking at it.
Back in the city, we decided on an early dinner because we were all starving to death. We met D and his friend from Madrid at the newly renovated Film Center Cafe. We were seated immediately and nobody came to our table for half an hour. No water, no waitress, nothing. Poor Brother nearly died of starvation! When we finally ordered, we waited for a long time before the appetizer came. And then 45 minutes between appetizer and main course. We left a small tip, and did I feel bad? No! Because no restaurant experience that starts at 5:45 pm on a Saturday night should require two hours when there are no drinks and desserts involved.
We ended up being half an hour late meeting people for drinks at Hi Fi. I was blissed out by friends meeting friends, friends from high school, friends from MA, family, friends I'd only had for two days, friends from class, friends of friends, friends from work... I caught up with a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while, and we headed to Sing Sing for the karaoke party of the century.
Amazing time had! Lionel Ritchie's All Night Long! NKOTB! Hot Hot Heat! Milli Vanilli! 80's songs galore! Drunkenness! Loudness! Shy people grabbing the mic! I kept saying "I have such an amazing life..." and realized that I don't want to move. Being settled is such a wonderful feeling.
Of course there was drama with the bill. I don't recommend trying to count $700 in cash while drunk in a karaoke bar when you're pissed off about having to pay an automatic 18.75% gratuity on a room where the freaking waiter only showed his face twice in 5 hours' time. We were freaking out. Sister was being assertive. I was appreciative but couldn't deal. NR told them that things were "unacceptable" but we had no proof that people had or had not checked out, and we had no idea how many drinks had been consumed. I won't go back there again. There are plenty of places in the city that may be more money but most likely have better attitudes.
We headed to the Automat where I had a fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I could have stayed out for hours, but other people were tired, and I couldn't complain because it was 4 am. The Siblings and I took a cab home and everyone fell asleep instantly except me, buzzed from too many Captain and Diet's. My brain wouldn't shut off. I hate men when I drink and I was mad at all of them and therefore D for something inconsequential that was resolved within two seconds the following day.
The Siblings woke up and the three of us brunched at 44 1/2. We talked about family issues, the topic du jour these days that we all try desperately to avoid and had successfully avoided for the previous 24 hours. We're not on the same page but support each other anyway. We left an exorbitant tip because the food and service were exquisite. Brother actually shook the waiter's hand on the way out.
Sister headed to Grand Central to grab a train and Brother headed back to my apartment briefly to avoid the rain. I napped for about three minutes before D and his friend returned. I had a salad. D and I talked, as we hadn't been alone in what seemed like eternity.
AH and TE came over at around 7:30 to practice. Anxiety was high, but we have a plan despite not even being sure that we need one. We ate burritos, chatted off topic, and disbanded at the right time. I read for about 7 minutes and fell asleep by 10:30.
Tonight I shall cook a broccoli casserole and engage in the bizarre ritual of cooking a separate meal for myself while D has someone over for an entirely different dinner. They are having french toast, which is death for me without something else. I try to eat healthy when I am at home because I can control my diet in the house, which causes problems when D invites people over. I think its awkward for everyone, because once someone said "Couldn't you just cook something that your girlfriend can eat?" It was a very unhealthy weekend meal-wise, so I shall abstain from french toast. Plus, I had french toast for breakfast yesterday but rationalized it because it was smothered in fruit and stuffed with marscapone and didn't have syrup. My having the french toast is what inspired D to have it for dinner, but I think french toast, even if you could eat it all the time, is better saved for special occasions because its not the sort of thing you can eat all the time. I said "Do you think S would want the casserole instead?" "Probably," he said, but he never said I should also cook for S. I don't know. I'm not going to worry about it.
OK. I am going to stop blogging about french toast because I just wrote an entire paragraph about french toast.
Until tomorrow...
The weekend was good. Real good.
It started Thursday night with D's friends, one visiting from Madrid and one from Santa Barbera. Both were delightful. We ate dinner out and had drinks and walked through Times Square and went to the Mac Store where they both bought the new Shuffle and then to Max Brenner(if there is such a thing as too much chocolate, this is it) and then home where their attitudes were lovely about participating in my new art project.
I took a half day on Friday as Sister originally planned to arrive by noon. She didn't, so I had time to read and clean the bathroom.
The main theme of the weekend (aside from Sibling Awesomeness!) was piss poor service. We ate dinner at Roberto Passon, which was previously awesome but is now low on the list. Well, not so. I'll still eat there because the food is amazing - pumpkin sage ravioli, folks - but still. We waited for 20 minutes for a table, and when we sat down, weren't served for 30 minutes. Which would have been acceptable given how crowded it was, except that the table next to us, which was seated ten minutes after us, received their drinks, bread, spreads, and appetizers before anyone even gave us water. There was also the Curb Your Enthusiasm moment when the waiter was chatting with them and had his butt on my bread. The waiter never brought us an ice bucket for our white wine (again, not a big deal except that he said he'd bring one), we had to ask for spreads for the bread, and when we asked for more it never came. Sister and I are lightweights, and were asleep by 10:30 thanks to the wine.
We slept in on Saturday (Sister got 11 hours!), chatted, listened to old mix CDs and remembered how things used to be. We got dressed and had brunch at 44 SW, which is great because of homemade mini muffins but we got stranded because the absentee waitress never came to get my credit card. Brother was waiting for us at Penn Station and we were late because of the bill issue. We ended up tipping less with the cash we had so we could get out of there.
We met Brother at Penn Station and took the 3 to The Brooklyn Museum, which was unbearable because it was running local. I had a New York moment where I nearly kicked a woman who's train etiquette offended me. The Ron Mueck show was amazing. We stayed to watch the documentary. The Annie Liebovitz show was also amazing, but it was too crowded to see everything. The watercolor exhibit was nuts in a good way, which makes me sad because nobody was looking at it.
Back in the city, we decided on an early dinner because we were all starving to death. We met D and his friend from Madrid at the newly renovated Film Center Cafe. We were seated immediately and nobody came to our table for half an hour. No water, no waitress, nothing. Poor Brother nearly died of starvation! When we finally ordered, we waited for a long time before the appetizer came. And then 45 minutes between appetizer and main course. We left a small tip, and did I feel bad? No! Because no restaurant experience that starts at 5:45 pm on a Saturday night should require two hours when there are no drinks and desserts involved.
We ended up being half an hour late meeting people for drinks at Hi Fi. I was blissed out by friends meeting friends, friends from high school, friends from MA, family, friends I'd only had for two days, friends from class, friends of friends, friends from work... I caught up with a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while, and we headed to Sing Sing for the karaoke party of the century.
Amazing time had! Lionel Ritchie's All Night Long! NKOTB! Hot Hot Heat! Milli Vanilli! 80's songs galore! Drunkenness! Loudness! Shy people grabbing the mic! I kept saying "I have such an amazing life..." and realized that I don't want to move. Being settled is such a wonderful feeling.
Of course there was drama with the bill. I don't recommend trying to count $700 in cash while drunk in a karaoke bar when you're pissed off about having to pay an automatic 18.75% gratuity on a room where the freaking waiter only showed his face twice in 5 hours' time. We were freaking out. Sister was being assertive. I was appreciative but couldn't deal. NR told them that things were "unacceptable" but we had no proof that people had or had not checked out, and we had no idea how many drinks had been consumed. I won't go back there again. There are plenty of places in the city that may be more money but most likely have better attitudes.
We headed to the Automat where I had a fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I could have stayed out for hours, but other people were tired, and I couldn't complain because it was 4 am. The Siblings and I took a cab home and everyone fell asleep instantly except me, buzzed from too many Captain and Diet's. My brain wouldn't shut off. I hate men when I drink and I was mad at all of them and therefore D for something inconsequential that was resolved within two seconds the following day.
The Siblings woke up and the three of us brunched at 44 1/2. We talked about family issues, the topic du jour these days that we all try desperately to avoid and had successfully avoided for the previous 24 hours. We're not on the same page but support each other anyway. We left an exorbitant tip because the food and service were exquisite. Brother actually shook the waiter's hand on the way out.
Sister headed to Grand Central to grab a train and Brother headed back to my apartment briefly to avoid the rain. I napped for about three minutes before D and his friend returned. I had a salad. D and I talked, as we hadn't been alone in what seemed like eternity.
AH and TE came over at around 7:30 to practice. Anxiety was high, but we have a plan despite not even being sure that we need one. We ate burritos, chatted off topic, and disbanded at the right time. I read for about 7 minutes and fell asleep by 10:30.
Tonight I shall cook a broccoli casserole and engage in the bizarre ritual of cooking a separate meal for myself while D has someone over for an entirely different dinner. They are having french toast, which is death for me without something else. I try to eat healthy when I am at home because I can control my diet in the house, which causes problems when D invites people over. I think its awkward for everyone, because once someone said "Couldn't you just cook something that your girlfriend can eat?" It was a very unhealthy weekend meal-wise, so I shall abstain from french toast. Plus, I had french toast for breakfast yesterday but rationalized it because it was smothered in fruit and stuffed with marscapone and didn't have syrup. My having the french toast is what inspired D to have it for dinner, but I think french toast, even if you could eat it all the time, is better saved for special occasions because its not the sort of thing you can eat all the time. I said "Do you think S would want the casserole instead?" "Probably," he said, but he never said I should also cook for S. I don't know. I'm not going to worry about it.
OK. I am going to stop blogging about french toast because I just wrote an entire paragraph about french toast.
Until tomorrow...
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