It's Merely OK To Be Back

I think I forgot that I live in NYC over break. Or perhaps I've become so adjusted to the idea of living in Boston again that I forgot about NYC entirely. I have a few more things to do and see here and then I'll be finished, and I'm not too distressed. I want to see Wicked, spend time with Brother, go to a few more museums and then never look back.

The break was good. It felt long, but not long enough. Again, I think I have adjusted to the idea of going to school, not working, and I'm cross with the world for expecting me to work. I shouldn't count the eggs before they hatch or whatever that saying is... it seems like its going to happen, but you never know. I wanted to buy equipment today but I'm not going to do anything until there is a form signed by me and money turned over. That is wise. I am so rarely overexcited about the future - its weird to me how non-skeptical I am about this - and so I want to hold onto this and be insane and irresponsible and thrilled and slacking.

I woke up this morning and felt like my eyelids were glued shut. I've grown used to too much sleep over the past week and a half.

Nobody is working today. Easy transition, no guilt. I used the Amazon gift certificate but not Barnes and Noble, because why does Barnes and Noble have to be so much more expensive that Amazon? I want to pick something that's $16 exactly so that I will spend $20 with shipping and won't have to kick in any of my own money to use the gift card. Cheap, I am, but it is the New Year and its Resolution #1 to save money. I didn't use the Victoria's Secret gift card either (can you believe that my little cousin has a job at Victoria's Secret? I am an old lady!) because I want nude-fishnets for various weddings but apparently they don't have them and I hadn't thought of anything else I might want. I mailed things and made business-y phone calls but not enough of them. I've been staring blankly and talking too much but I don't care because this won't last long.

The break was far less traumatic than I'd expected it to be. This was due, in part, to other drama that was brewing so we were all distracted. Christmas Eve Eve was spent with D's family and I love them all. I really do. His grandmother knows me better than my own grandmothers, and she's encouraging and non-judgmental and a joy to be around. Christmas Eve was too much family, the Lar side and the other side. Dear god. Sister and I were drunk, but I think we were allowed to be given all that's happened. I was surprised that more people weren't drunk in anticipation of having to talk to us. There was the usual lack-of-support and judging, and this year I didn't care. I didn't indulge. I sat in the corner and drank myself happy.

Christmas day was weird and there were tears, but not for long. We ended the night drunk again and having a dance party. Hopefully its a new Christmas tradition.

I saw few friends, because this was the first visit to new territority and it was important to spend time there. I saw friends from out of town - from CA and from England - and saw The Baby, because how can you not see The Baby? Even if I'm going to get to see The Baby on a regular basis soon, it is important to see The Baby while he's still a baby. He's cute, real cute, even if he hates me. We went to the new ICA and looked too quickly thinking there were four floors, but of the four floors only one floor has art. Weird. We went to Harvard Square. We drove around a lot. And then we came back and saw some New York friends and some good movies. We saw Children of Men and Pan's Labyrinth, both spectacular. On New Year's Eve we did nothing other than drink (too much drinking this break but its so rare and so necessary when dealing with family and weirdness) and eat and attempt a glimpse of Times Square that was thwarted at 8th Avenue. Insane. The Target confetti was silver and made the city sparkle as it drifted softly to the ground. I tried to catch them but it was difficult, but I am not above picking them up off the ground. I want to make something out of them next year. I started to doze off during Christina Aguilara and D woke me up at 11:55. I threw on my shoes and coat and we ran to the roof where I couldn't see the ball drop. D claims to have seen it. The fireworks were cute for the two seconds they were happening. We kissed and smiled at the neighbors and neighboring parties, and then went straight to bed.

And now its back to reality and I am going to be insane about getting a letter. And what if I don't? And will I call? What will I do? He said it was happening and welcome but that I'd receive a letter. And what about getting a job? What if what if what if? D said we should make a list of scenarios, but all of the scenarios depend on whether/when he gets a job, and if they'll negotiate. I am having a fantasy that he gets a job immediately and that they want him to start immediately, and he will be like "But I still have a lease in NYC!" and they will say "Oh - that silly thing? We'll pay it off!" and then D can move and I can live rent-free here and save a ton of money for school. Which is selfish of me, but its good for him too because that's more money I'll have to contribute to the amazing meals I will cook for him every night while I am in school.

Heh.

What will most likely happen is that we'll have to move before the lease is up and will end up carrying two apartments, or he won't get a job and we'll be homeless.

No! But I'm not worried! No way!

Instead of worrying... I am going to look for fishnets.