Wooze

I can't take another minute of being bored at work. The Boss doesn't feel like thinking until 2007. I respect this but I can't handle not having anything to do at work, especially when I'm not feeling my best. I've been feeling lightheaded/fuzzyheaded/woozyheaded/buzzingheaded for the past week and quite frankly I'm sick of it. I'm not sure if it is dietary, stress-related, or other (if this doesn't stop by 2007 I will make a doctor's appointment, I swear, only to be told to eat lots of nuts, because really, I'm thin and therefore there can't be anything wrong with me which is fine with me, but the nuts aren't working this time and I don't like this not one bit!), but it's wearing on me. I'd like to be alert! around the holidays, and alert! so as not to have to really really really struggle to stay awake at work when its a mere formality being here.

I don't feel Christmas-y at all this year. The weather? The lack of gifts? The holiday-related anxiety? The squashing of all holiday traditions? Not having a home to go home to? The almost-fainting all day long? Our party last week helped - I was Christmas-y for about two hours and then up all night after having had too much caffeine and rum but at least I wasn't feeling like I was going to faint. Maybe what I need to do is drink all the time and I'll be fine! Yeah!

The party was good. There was a child. She sat on the piano bench with me and demanded song after song. I felt responsible. I kept thinking "This might be something she remembers... what if she ends up turning into some nutjob who forces people to sing Christmas carols at her apartment when they're not quite drunk enough?" The pressure!

We also sang the entire late-80's, early-90's Disney catalogue. It always amazes me that the cops are not called.

I spent Friday feeling faint (yeah!). I didn't do much of anything, other than eat and nap and read. On Saturday I felt lightheaded (ooh!) and so slept in and then treated myself to a spontaneous viewing of The Drowsey Chaperone which was amazing amazing amazing! I found myself in the fourth row (thank you, TKTS) where there were other lonely people. See it, if you can. Dined with D's friends but was completely and utterly out of it due to head buzzing phenomenon. I know I keep complaining about this but I feel like I've just had a week of delirium during which I couldn't quite process anything. I think I am getting old, or suffering massive blood loss that I'm not aware of for some reason.

Sunday was phone calls and more phone calls and, again, feeling like crap. We went to see The Holiday which was the worst movie ever, because Cameron Diaz is the worst actress ever and her character was repulsive. The 3/4 of the movie that was Kate Winslet/Jack Black/Jude Law was charming, although the more and more we think about the Jude Law character the more horrified we become, even if he did cry convincingly onscreen and cause me to have a meltdown. We ate fondue and I passed out at like 10:00 due to, ahem, my head buzzing.

I was forced to take yesterday off without plans. I slept in although not as long as I'd have liked to since I was dreaming that it was 3:30 pm and I couldn't believe I'd wasted the entire day. I shopped and bought the best wallet ever that I keep taking out of my desk drawer to gaze upon. I also bought a dress (for the holidays - as in - maybe a new dress will help me feel festive!), which I am wearing now albeit over pants, because I will not show my legs at work, no matter how much crap I am given by coworkers. I didn't do much more than watch a movie and write/record the Christmas song, after which I had tapas with D, his cousin, and her friends who are 13 trillion years younger than us and are just as horrified by our age as we are by theirs. It's hilarious. I can't remember what I was like when I was 23 but I hope I wasn't like them.

We're going to see Mary Poppins tonight (hence the dress) so I ought to be applying lipstick for the big date.

Until tomorrow...