Ex-Factor

I have another question for you, dear readers.

Is it completely irrational to feel unsettled about your significant other spending time with his/her ex?

I feel that it is irrational, but only slightly.

Is it normal not to want to meet your significant other's former lovers? I can't believe I just wrote "lovers." I am a dork.

Ah, to be secure. It's hard to explain these sorts of issues to someone who is completely secure.

I feel like I'd be thinking, the entire time, "You slept with my boyfriend!" and "I wonder what they were like together" and "She's way hotter than me" and "Why is he looking at her like that?" and "What are they saying to each other?" and "They seem to share something that we don't have!" and "Damn, she is infinitely cooler than me."

Secure people would think "What a nice girl" and "I'd like to be her friend" and "Isn't it nice that my boyfriend has such a hot friend who he's not interested in at all, even though they used to sleep together constantly, because he loves me!"

Right.

How do you just become secure? What needs to happen? What snaps that allows you to be like "Nothing can jeopardize this"?

I don't know. I don't know why I'm uncomfortable with the idea. I guess its because I've had many sordid encounters with various ex-es and I don't trust ex-es one bit.

Why, if you are a person with millions of friends, must you keep your ex around?

In my experience, people keep their ex-es around for one of three reasons:

1. source of comfort
2. source of self esteem
3. as a backup

If you're in a good relationship, why have your ex be a presence?

Unless you dated a million years ago. Fresh ex-es are scary.

Unless the ex was substantial. Then again, if the ex is super meaningful then you're tied together forever, which also makes me nervous, and is another reason the ex should not be in your life.

Unless the ex is insubstantial. Then again, if the ex is insubstantial, then the ex should not be in your life if it is a cause of stress to your significant other. What's the point?

I suppose you are supposed to trust the judgment of your significant other to know what is and is not a good idea for the relationship.

D said "I don't care if you hang out with Former Favorite-Ex-Boyfriend" and I was like "It's not a good idea." He didn't understand why. I said "Because, Former- Favorite-Ex-Boyfriend and I had something really special, whatever it was, and when I talk to him I am reminded of it and it's not good for the relationship I am in now. This relationship is more important to me than having dinner with Former-Favorite-Ex-Boyfriend." D's like "But I don't care if you do" and I had to say "But I do and you have to just accept it."

D said "But it's important to me that I show my support to Ex-Girlfriend" and I wanted to be like "Doesn't she have other people to get support from?"

Why is this so important?

Blah. I am an irrational loser.

What do you think?