I was making a toasted cheese last night (this is the technique wherein you are too lazy to make a grilled cheese so instead you put the bread plus cheese in the toaster oven) after round one of packing. I glanced quickly to check the status of the cheese/bread and saw the following: one of those small roach-like things IN THE TOASTER OVEN WITH MY SANDWICH being cooked.

Awshummmm.

Yeah. Not a real big cockroach. One of those smaller, fast-moving bastards that look like less aesthetically pleasing crickets. This is the third time I've seen one in three weeks. I am not yet worried - if I see more I'll do something about it.

The last one I saw decided to make its home on my camera battery charger and when I unplugged it the bug crawled on my hand and then landed on the floor. It turned into a showdown with me shouting "D! D! Hand me my shoe! QUICK!" and the roach just still until D appeared with the shoe. Then it ran under the piano at the speed of light.

But. DEAR GOD.

Probably grossest kitchen incident thus far in life.

No. Second grossest. There was the time I forgot about some potatos for about a year and when I found them... yeah. Alien potatos with red eye trees growing out of them. I nearly vomited.

The roach only made my stomach churn. A lot.

I removed the roach with a spoon. Now the idea of my spoons make my stomach churn.

Why are we so afraid of bugs? I have no idea.

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On my way to work this morning I was lamenting not calling my short-lived "band project" Leah and Issues. One of the boys in the short-lived "band project" suggested it as a joke, but I really liked it.

Because its sort of cute in a homage to Huey Lewis and the News sort of way.

And obviously, issues.

I probably was thinking this because on my way to work I was also thinking "I have issues."

I am having all sorts of issues. About the future. About finances. About decisions. About kids.

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Which reminds me that I have come up with a good idea for a Post Secret.

I am going to make it and send it in when I get back from Buenos Aires.

I'm not going to tell you what it is, because its a secret.

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I am exhausted today because I got no sleep last night.

Not because of packing or insomnia or because of forcing myself to stay up so that I will be guaranteed sleep on the overnight flight, but because of a three hour conversation that has me feeling only slightly better.

I don't want to have secrets. I want to know everything. I want to know everything about him that touches us. I don't want to feel guilty about things I don't know about.

This has me feeling something I haven't felt in a long time - that feeling in the pit of your stomach that is caused by the fear of losing something that you're not sure should be lost.

Things will be fine. Sometimes, though, it doesn't feel that way.

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I wish emotional distress didn't go to the stomach.

Why can't it accumulate in, say, the wrist?

No, then I couldn't blog or play piano.

No extremities. Because when emotionally distressed it is important to write and to go for long walks by oneself during which one thinks severely about things.

But it is also important to eat.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I just wish I was the type of person who consumed endless containers of ice cream when sad instead of being the type of person who doesn't want to eat at all.

Not that I'm not eating. I just couldn't care less about eating, but it could be because of almost having a cockroach with my dinner.

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So yes! Leaving for Buenos Aires tonight and am thinking mainly about what less-expensive-than-NYC haircut I will get and whether that haircut will be blonde or black or a combination of both. Right now I am leaning towards both, although I am slightly concerned because I do not speak a word of Spanish and how will I communicate my hair desires with hand motions?

The packing went relatively smoothly. Since we have no plans, I had no idea what to bring, so I brought everything. I overpacked. Not my usual style, but I think overpacking is the easier option and ease is a priority right now.

I am excited.

Not in a tangible way, though.

I'm sure once I see M and A I'll be excited, because they will be excited and prepared and will arrive with all sorts of goodies designed to entertain humans on 11 hour flights.

So.

I'm off, readers!

Until next Monday....

Have good weekends and weeks.