Boomerang

The most bizarre thing just happened.

I was in the middle of this huge experiment in the hood when I was approached by a woman from my group.

She said "I know we don't talk very much..."

I got very excited! I thought "Ah ha! Somebody is finally confronting me about me and D! I have been waiting for this moment!" I haven't really been waiting for it, as much as I've considered it because it will probably happen, and I'm always wondering what I will do and say. It is of particular concern this week, as D and I are departing, together, for Buenos Aires on Friday. People on my floor keep asking me with whom I am going to Argentina, and I say "I am meeting my friend M and her husband at JFK - they will be coming from MA because its less expensive to fly out of New York..." I then, in all further conversation, refer to the group as "we" without mentioning that D is part of it.

I digress... as usual.

She then said "... but I have to ask of you a favor."

"Oh, ok," I said, disappointed by the lack of drama and confrontation.

"What do you need?" I asked, expecting her to request a reagent or time in the hood or maybe some relevant gossip as she has recently started working with my boss on a side project.

"Well, I know you're artistic... I'd like to request your artistic help."

Oh no.

OK. Not the end of the world. I am super busy at work this week, but whatever. I enjoy making slides. Maybe she wants help with an animated slide! Yipee!!! I could make time for an animated slide.

"OK - what do you need?"

"I need you to draw me a boomerang."

"What?"

"I need a drawing of a boomerang. I've been looking online but I can't find anything good."

Oh. My. God.

"A boomerang? I'm not very good... I don't think I can draw a boomerang..."

"No, I've seen you doodling in lab meeting. I know you can draw."

"No, I can't."

"Yes, you can. I've seen you." This woman is the same woman who, when she went into labor, walked a couple of miles to the hospital instead of being driven. She's nice, but a bit... well... severe.

I wasn't being modest. I can't draw. I really can't. I said "Look, yeah, I can draw, no, I can doodle the occasional face, but I don't think I can draw a boomerang."

If she'd asked me for a cute little blonde girl walking down the streets of NYC, fine. I could draw that. I could draw a phone, or a car, or a computer. I could draw a receptor. I could draw anything I looked at. I could find a picture online and draw something, but it wouldn't be better than what I'd found online!

And really. Drawing a boomerang is hard. It's also weird. It's like if someone said "Draw a box." It's more of a shape than a thing, right? You would draw a square. Drawing a boomerang is the same as drawing the shape of a boomerang. I wanted to be like "Dude, you can draw a boomerang just as well as I can! It's like drawing a triangle or something!"

"I don't know..." I said.

She kept insisting. "I have seen you draw. You can do it. And if its not as good as anything I found online, I won't use it."

"OK," I gave in, "But can I ask you... what do you need it for?"

Reluctantly, as though she was about to say "Actually, Leah Lar, I have been sent to your planet by The Master and I have found the key to the universe right here in this incubator but, well, it is very tragic because you and everyone on your planet will die unless you can draw a perfectly symmetrical boomerang on this piece of graph paper," she said "I have to show it to someone. I have to show someone what a boomerang is."

The pressure! First of all, who doesn't know what a boomerang is? Second of all, I don't want to be responsible for explaining to someone what a boomerang is! It's going to look like a freaking piece of macaroni! Or a moon! Did she want someone throwing the boomerang? Did she want context? Did she want Crocodile Dundee?

My guess is that they do not have boomerangs in Afghanistan.

But why does she need to be so secretive? Who doesn't know about the boomerang?

I tried. I really did. But it just looks like a drawing of a boomerang, and I feel like if you don't already know what a boomerang is, the drawing isn't going to help.

I googled "Boomerang" and sent her some links after saying "I tried, but I can't draw a boomerang better than an actual photo of a boomerang, or any of the boomerang schematics I found online."

Hilarious.

OK. Work now.