You Can't Take Them Back

It's Thursday. I just said to someone "Man, am I tired!" and she said "I know! And it's only Wednesday!" I nearly started to cry. Then I said "Please, please, please tell me its Thursday..." and she said "Oh, yeah, it is."

So its Thursday.

Last night, Wednesday night, I went to see Closer.

My thoughts include:

The movie flew by. It was a little over an hour and a half and when it ended I thought "Wait, isn't there another hour?"

The acting was amazing.

The actressing was not.

Jude Law is beautiful, as is Clive Owen, who was the best part of the film. Good acting is delicious.

It was provocative. We couldn't stop discussing it. We couldn't stop discussing it because we didn't understand any of the characters' motivations other than the Clive Owen character. Does that mean the movie was bad? Possibly. But it was still enjoyable, and it had Jude Law. Wearing glasses. Growl.

I still hate Natalie Portman. I just can't get over her bad dancing from years ago. I also can't get over the fact that she looks exactly the same as she did when she was in The Professional, which was an amazing movie. It disturbs me when men say "Natalie Portman is hot," because I think "Did they think that she was hot when she was 12?, because she looks exactly the same!" She looks like a child. Her head-to-body ratio doesn't help things. Every time she spoke in this movie I cringed. I didn't understand her character at all. R, who is in love with her, said she "was amazing," but when I asked him what her character's deal was in the movie, he had no idea. He must have thought it "was amazing" when she stripped.

I adore Julia Roberts, but she wasn't particularly good either. Really inconsistent aside from her first scene, in which she was overflowing with sexy tension.

The lovely thing about my viewing this movie was that I had no personal reaction to it. Had I seen this movie two years ago I'd most likely have left the film numerous times to cry like an idiot in the restroom. Time really does help things.

After the movie I went to N's birthday party at a drag bar. It was fun. The Hostess for the evening referred to our table as "The United Colors of Benetton, with their Token Black Friend." I'm not really sure how I feel about that, but I contributed money to the Save A Queen Fund anyway. I had a decent time. I was tired. And feeling a little moody. I don't know why. There was karaoke going on downstairs but everybody wanted to make trains or call their girlfriends who were acting weird.

A friend was telling me last night that the girl's he been dating for 3.5 months told him that she loved him, to which he responded "thank you." There has been all sorts of fallout - sabotage on her part, communication breakdown, etc. He doesn't see what the big deal is. He doesn't understand why she's acting weird. He doesn't understand why she's being emotional. I got really mad at him.

Once those words are out there, you can't take them back.

I'm wondering, today, if its worth it, then, to put it out there at all. Like when is it worth it? Is it ever worth it?

The consequences can be disastrous.

And if you have feelings for someone, should you tell them? What makes it worth it? What if you tell them and they can't handle it and you've ruined everything? Is it worth ruining everything just to get something off your chest? For the chance?

I'm so bad at receiving and making confessions of this nature. I suck.

How many opportunities are missed because people are wimps?

And how many situations are ruined because someone wasn't?

Sigh.

I feel bad for this girl I don't know, because I can imagine how she must feel.

I am also grieving with a friend today who lives in MA, and its killing me that I can't be there.

I want to cry for everyone else's feelings around the holidays because I am too overwhelmed to have any of my own this year.

Maybe that's why I'm moody.

I have no plans tonight and I am psyched. I am going to work on music. I'm doing a cover. I want to write a cute and happy song about butterflies while they're still alive but can't because I am pessimistic and disaster-izing already, so I'm stealing one. Which reminds me that I have to print out lyrics.

Until tomorrow.....