Glasses, glasses, and then more glasses

After work last night I went into Union Square to replace my somewhat broken glasses. I first went to a place called Union Square Optical which accepts my vision insurance. They were utterly disinterested in helping me find glasses, which is absurd when all of the glasses are in cases. Frustrated with the salesforce, I walked across the street to a less-than-sophisticated place with many deals on glasses.

Their selection wasn't fabulous, but the salesforce was hilarious. I was initially working with one chick who was annoyed that I wanted to try on more than five pairs of glasses. Now. This woman wears glasses so she must understand the importance of having a good pair. It's your face. You have to see it every day. It is crucial that you have glasses you like. The five I tried on were all hideous. She dished me off to another woman.

This woman was a riot. There was a very well-dressed and attractive British man in the store who I kept asking for advice about my glasses since the women in the store weren't, well, the most stylish of folks. He disappeared around the corner to have his eyes checked, and this woman says "Man, would I like to do him!" Heh. I said, quietly, "Me too, actually." She said "Yeah, but his lips are thin. I have no use for thin lips. I'm Italian." I agreed. Then she said "He's gay, anyway, and has thin lips. Who needs 'im?"

She was patient with me and told me her life story while I stared at myself for hours in different pairs of glasses. I narrowed it down to two. I chose the pair that most people in the store preferred and had her charge me for it. After she charged me, she whispered "Because you're a guinea I'll cut you a deal - I'll give you that second pair for $200." Shit. That is a good deal, but the first pair wasn't a good deal. I talked them down on the first pair by threatening to go elsewhere with my vision insurance. And its not like I need more glasses because I clearly already have too many. But $200 for an adorable pair of glasses? You can't beat that!

I gave in and she whispered "I'm only doing this for ya because your Sicilian," which is weird, because I never told her I was Sicilian. I said "How can you tell?" and she said "I've dated your kind."

She ran my credit card through again, and it wouldn't go through. She tried many times with no luck. She finally called Master Card and the Master Card dude wanted to talk to me on the phone. He asked me my mother's maiden name and then said they just wanted to make sure everything was fine since there'd been an unusual amount of activity on my card that day. I confirmed my Amtrak purchase (Thanksgiving!) and then my double glasses purchase.

So how awesome would it be if someone stole your credit card and used it to buy tons of glasses? I'd be psyched. A glasses-buying rampage scheme of mass proportions! Purple frames! Wire frames! Perscription sunglasses! Freaking awesome.

After my purchase I grabbed a slice of pizza at Pronto Pizza and Chinese Food. While there, a homeless man approached me and asked me for some money. Since I'd just spent a ton of money, I thought "Well, I can't be that selfish. I'll give the dude a dollar." I gave him a dollar and then watched him walk around the rest of Pronto asking for money, and realized the dude had a really nice walkman and a better coat than me. Right.

I then went to see The Incredibles which was perfect. And timely considering the class I am taking right now. I got a lot of the comic jokes that I'd probably have missed had I not taken this class.

Normally I like to go to movies by myself (and will most likely be doing a lot of that here), but I noticed last night some bad things about going to movies by oneself. Such as:

1. You can't multitask - I got there a bit later than I'd have preferred, and when that happens, you usually say "You get seats, you get food, while I run to the bathroom." But I could only do one of those things at a time, which caused me to ....

2. End up sitting on the side of the theater (no aisle seats remaining!) where I was seated under one of those overheard lights and felt like I was either on stage or going blind and I had nobody to complain to!

3. When you are by yourself, you look even more ridiculous spazzing out to the preview for Revenge of the Sith than you would if you were with your dorky friends.

4. You have nobody to say "Man, I can't freaking wait for the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" to.

And as far as more glasses go, today is our Health and Safety Fair where I will be getting prescription safety glasses! And a cholesterol test, if there's enough time.