Blogging The Way I Used To Blog

Oh kids, am I emo.

There is something inherently sad about one's Boyfriend saying "I borrowed such-and-such CD from Female Friend! Do you want to hear it?" when you yourself own the CD. It is mainly sad that one and one's Boyfriend don't share a dialogue about such things, and that one's boyfriend and his Female Friend apparently do, and that one and one's Boyfriend apparently have something in common and don't even realize it because one and one's Boyfriend don't talk to each other about what one another is doing. "I have that CD," you say. "Oh." "It sucks," you say, because it really does and because you want to discredit Female Friend, even though you really like Female Friend, and actually admire her ability to elicit a reaction from your Boyfriend when you yourself can't.

I am making a new blog. He doesn't care. He doesn't ask. He never wants to hear the songs or inquire as to their progress. He asked if he could contribute a painting and to which I vindictively responded with "no" because he's not allowed to be part of it unless he's part of it. "That's not what it's about," I said, because that's not what it's about and it's not like he knows because he doesn't care.

We're all having trouble right now. Relationships are hard when things are falling apart and you need other things to be perfect in order for them to be worth it. You need men to be perfect to tolerate men at times like these. You need to feel loved and doted upon and respected when you learn that the person who made you doesn't feel these things for you. You need to have feelings returned because so many of your feelings throughout life haven't been reciprocated.

Big things are happening tomorrow. I'm trying not to think about them. I'm trying not to think about anything. I'm trying to relax. I'm trying not to have feelings or opinions about anything. When you feel like this the highs are so ridiculously high and the lows so terribly low. I drank a lot and said things I didn't mean to say but am glad that I did. I gushed with affection for new people and said "I want you to be my friends! Really, I do!" and we all smiled. I lashed out about the CD and got a lashing in return. I wasn't being personal but he was. I made a mistake but he doesn't care. I don't want to talk about it because I felt so good two hours ago and want to hold onto that because those are the feelings I need right now.

Blah.

I can't believe blog has become a vocabulary. It's a noun and a verb.

I'm going to go to bed early because I have to go to work early tomorrow.

Awshummmmm.

I have a feeling the weekend is going to suck, because I'll be being dragged around and I really don't want to be with things such as they are right now.

Until tomorrow, my dear little Pringles.