I have discovered that I don't like to do things that I have to do.
Yesterday I said "How is it that people work out? It's so boring."
D answered "Yes, it is, but once it becomes part of your routine it won't seem boring. It will just be part of the routine."
"But I don't want it to part of the routine! I don't want there to be a routine!" I said.
And I realized then that I don't want a routine.
I don't want anything to be predictable. I don't want anything to be expected. I don't want anything to be required unless, of course, I get paid for it.
I said "Wait! I think I've discovered the source of all my problems in life! I don't want a routine. Maybe this is why I change jobs every couple of years and why I get bored with things after two years! Like in college I wanted to transfer after two years! And I move into different apartments a lot! And I get crazy in relationships after a couple years."
D, sullen.
"Not that I will get bored of us, of course, because you are a source of endless excitement and unpredictability, always enriching my otherwise mundane life!"
D, smiling.
Seriously, though, I think I don't like routine. This is why I don't watch TV shows. This is why I have a hard time taking classes, because I hate having to go to them. I want to go when I want to go, not because I have to. I like flexibility. I like coming and going as I please. I like making plans when I want to and not making them when I feel like doing nothing.
I don't know what any of this means. I'm wondering if I'd be a more satisfied person if my life had some sort of structure or routine. Maybe I need a minor routine - like on Wednesdays I try new recipes for dinner but they will change from week to week and will therefore seem less routine-like. Or perhaps Thursday will be piano night when I will have to write a song. Perhaps I'll feel more accomplished and less aimless.
Or maybe I'll feel all claustrophobic and enslaved to the routine and as though I have no flexibility in my own life.
OK.
I'm insane.
Until tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
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2 comments:
Well, I can definitively se why very creative people would tend to find a routine asphyxiating. Probably the notion of and immutable life would be hell on earth to you.
Unfortunately a routine makes it possible to interact with others. We do need appointments and schedules, if not, as in my case, to stand people up. Maybe a simple thing to try would be to leave some time every week to do whatever you feel like. Of course, you would probably want to make it flexible, so it won't become part of your routine either!
This coming from someone who Lived in Argentina, then Spain while working in France and latter on moved to France but yes, had to work in Switzerland to finally settle in LA (I hope). So obviously I have no idea what I'm talking about.
-P
BTW, Regards from N. We are looking forward to see you and D again, together with M and A...and all the other letters of the alphabet.
Yo, P! What's up? A and I were sorry to miss you last month when you and N were in town. Hopefully, we can all get together, you, N, me, A, D, and L. Are you going to come with N in August?
M
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