I Can't Believe I've Become That Girl

I had food poisoning last night which resulted in my not sleeping well which resulted in my having weird, distressing dreams when I actually did manage to get a few moments' sleep.

During one of these moments I had a dream that there was a large meeting at work, except that it was more like a high school assembly. Tons of people. Tons of chaos. Nobody paying attention. Etc.

The assembly was being given by B, an upperlevel type with whom I never interact. He's someone I know only because he is outspoken at meetings and seems very smart and therefore worthy of my neurons.

B said "D, it is time now!"

D resisted. He was sitting in the row in front of me. He was blushing and distressed and I could tell he didn't want to do whatever B had planned for him.

"Now. You have to."

The New Girl, who was seated next to D, turned around and put a hideous ring on one of my fingers. Hideous, I tell you. It was flat and square and big and had a bunch of flat, small diamonds in it. She said "I picked it out just for you."

"D is proposing to you!" B said, upon which all of my coworkers and people I knew from high school and college turned around and looked at me. They stared. They smiled. Everybody was thrilled, except for D.

He giggled uncomfortably, and tried to smile, but couldn't.

I started weeping uncontrollably. I was so upset. I was upset because he didn't just ask me. I was upset because he didn't pick out the ring. I was upset because the ring was horrific. I was upset because everyone was staring at me. I was upset because he was upset.

"Yes, yes, yes" I said anyway, as D tried to smile but couldn't.

It was awful.

I woke up and felt very unsettled. "D," I said, "I just had the most awful nightmare! I dreamt that B forced us to get engaged in front of the entire company and that The New Girl picked out this awful ring for me and it was just so very terrible!"

"Huh," he said, and I was upset because he said nothing.

Can I get a "Wierd!" or "Why would be dreaming about B?" or "It's not that terrible, is it?"

This all stemmed from my blushing at group meeting yesterday. Everyone turned around to look at me when The Big Boss commended something I'd done, which prompted my blushing. I hate being looked at, paid attention to, noticed at all. My blushing then prompted another upper level type to say, loudly, "LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE BLUSHING! WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING?" which, of course, made me blush further.

Last night, I went to D's friend's show at the Pussy Cat Lounge, which is, yes, a strip club. They didn't play in the strip club. They played in the completely separate lounge above it. Prior to the show, we went out for dinner with D's friend's girlfriend T, who rules. She rules because she is smart, honest, and has no filter.

At one point she said "So, you guys have been together for a year? Why don't you live together? Start saving money? Living together is awesome! It really helps the relationship, changes the dynamic..."

Dead silence.

A-W-K-W-A-R-D.

"Oh! I think I left my umbrella at your house!" T declared. D ran back to get it, and T said "Did I say something I shouldn't have? Have you guys been talking about it?"

"No, not at all."

"Why not?"

"Because he's not sure."

"If he wants to live together? What - are you too neat or something?"

"No, he's the one who's too neat. No, that's not it. He's just not sure... well,
he's not sure about me."

"Well, that's ridiculous. You have to tell him he's sure. You have to make him
your bitch." How I adore T.

"That's not how I am," I said. "I want us to come to the same conclusions at the same time, and if he waits too long, I'd rather walk than force him into something he doesn't want."

We piled into a cab after D retrieved the umbrella, and T began saying things like "You know how I was talking about NY being a lone bone city? (because she'd been
talking about how men can't get dates in NYC earlier that night and how women, no matter how vile, can without fail) It's true. After men hit 31, they can't get a date. Women, they can get dates, no problem. Every woman is always thinking about at least 5 guys in her life she could sleep with. Not that she would sleep with these guys, but she could! I mean, once you hit 31, you're so set in your ways, no woman would put up with you! And then you'll want a relationship, and you'll be alone forever. And you'll be thinking about the ones who did put up with your shit. I mean, if you find someone, its just stupid to be worried."

She went on and on about how the first year of any relationship is the hardest and how its unrealistic to think that everything will be perfect. I laughed and laughed. D said nothing.

I hoped for some sort of follow-up from D. At the very least "T was nuts in the
cab" or "What was she talking about?" or even a little anger, like "What did you say
to her?"

Nothing.

Of course.

Hence the dream.

Another contributor - right before we went to bed, we were talking about D spending time with my parents next week. He will be in MA for job training and I am going to
meet him at my parents' house on Wednesday night. He said "Don't worry. If you
want to come on Thursday morning, I can totally hang with your parents."

"Oh, you don't have to. I don't mind coming."

"No, seriously, you don't have to. I have plenty of things I need to talk about with your parents."

!!!!

"Maybe now I can see those videos from when you were little, and see pictures of you from middle school! Mwa ha ha!!!!"

Sigh.

Hence the dream.

I can't believe I've become That Girl.

Until tomorrow...