Dude

I saw Constantine last night and it didn't completely suck. It was, actually, quite good.

As we were watching it, I realized that, in some ways, D reminds me of Keanu. There's something Keanu-esque about his features.

I said "You know, you remind me of Keanu Reeves."

He seemed somewhat offended.

"I hope I remind you of the good things."

I suppose reminding someone of Keanu Reeves isn't necessarily a good thing, depending on what they're referring to.

If I had said "You remind me of Brad Pitt," I don't think he'd have taken offense because Brad Pitt's overwhelming trait is obscene good looks (second only to his amazing abs). "You remind me of Brad Pitt" = "You are freaking SO HOT I CANNOT HANDLE IT."

Keanu Reeves' overwhelming traits, however, include things like: constant bewildered look, inability to act, inability to smile, inability to chew gum convincingly according to my friend MS from college, inability to sit at a desk convincingly, stoic, rigid, ambiguously gay, dull, etc.

"No! I mean you're cute! Like Keanu Reeves! You're even cuter!!! I mean, Keanu is HOT."

"Do you think he's mixed?"

"I think he's Lithuanian."

He's not Lithuanian. He was born in Lebanon. I guess I got the two confused because last time I thought about Keanu Reeves' stats was in 8th grade when I was obsessed with Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, but back then we fought over Bill because he was cute and blonde and because that sort of thing appeals to middle-schoolers. Keanu is an acquired taste. Keanu is pretty, and you don’t understand pretty when you’re 12.

Anyway.

I just looked it up and it turns out that Keanu is 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 Hawaiian, 1/2 English, and is a Canadian citizen.

So I was right in thinking that D reminds me of Keanu. So there.

Keanu. Such an enigma. He is in two of my favorite movies - The Matrix and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. But he was also in some of the worst movies I've ever seen - Chain Reaction, Johnny Mnemonic, A Walk In the Clouds.

This is why I assumed Constantine would suck, but I had to see it anyway because, well, Keanu is cute.