Wall

I met my neighbor the other night!!!

I have been sharing walls with this man since May, and I'd seen him only once in passing.

I've fantastized about him - I've wondered what he does for a living, what hours he keeps, what he thinks about the sounds coming from my apartment. I've wondered if he purposefully avoids me because he hates me due to my constantly listening to music or playing piano or talking loudly in my bedroom which, for all I know, could keep him up because maybe his bedroom is right alongside mine and he's trying to sleep at 9pm because he works a bizarre shift at his mystery job.

As I was leaving my apartment the other night at around 9pm to go to D's to watch the Netflix DVD that ultimately wouldn't play, I bumped right into him!

We stared at each other.

My first response was panic. I thought "Oh my god, he's going to KILL ME!" because obviously he hates me because I am loud and he has been working out his evil plan to kill me as soon as he found out who I was!!!

He stared at me, I stared at him, and finally, enthusiastically, he blurted out "DO YOU LIVE HERE?!"

"Yes?" I said, timid.

"OH MY GOD! FINALLY! WE'VE BEEN NEIGHBORS LIKE FOREVER AND I'VE BEEN DYING TO MEET YOU!!!!"

B is a 40-ish fellow who works in fashion. He is extremely excited about everything. He asked me what I did for a living. I said "I'm a scientist" and he said "I love that."

He unlocked his door, and I took a peak inside his apartment. D and I are constantly trying to figure out the layout of the apartment next to mine. Clearly it would have to be nothing like mine, but we couldn't decide if it was microscopic or huge.

I looked around him as he said "You know, I had a friends visiting from Rhode Island the other day and they kept saying how small my apartment is, but I just love living here! I mean, I have two bedrooms..."

"You have two bedrooms?" I asked. Eureeka! I only have one bedroom, how dare he have two?

"Well, they are small," he said, "And your apartment - I saw when they were renovated it. I would kill for your floors."

"They are quite fabulous," I said, trying to see into his apartment. I couldn't, because he has a very long hallway that cuts to the left so you can't see a damn thing from the doorway.

He said "Well, I work for Isaac Mizrahi," he said, "You must have heard of him."

"Oh yes," I said, unimpressed.

"It's been a pleasure living near you," he said. "I hope I don't make too much noise," he said.

"Oh, no, I never hear you. I wasn't even sure that anyone lived here!"

"Well, I'm usually quiet. I sometimes have friends over. Hopefully we're not too loud. The models, you know, it can be crazy."

"Models?"

"Yes, models."

"Oh. I'm taking a photography class. Maybe when we have to do portraits you can hook me up with some models."

"Well, there are some in here right now! Do you want to meet them?"

Models! Yes! I was in!

He invited me in, and I couldn't contain my excitement. I met my neighbor! I was going to get to see the mystery apartment! I was going to meet models!!!!

His apartment looks nothing like mine. At all. It's not renovated, and the layout is strange. His "bedrooms" are both microscopic. It is his living room that is behind my bedroom, and his bedroom is adjacent to mine. Which is weird, but whatever. Things I didn't need to know.

But best of all... his shower is in the kitchen!!!

He was apologetic about that. Not only is it in the kitchen, but it is elevated in the kitchen, so it just hangs there next to the stove! You have to climb a stool to get into it! Insane!

We gushed about our apartments and renovations and models, and I said that I had to get going. He wants to eat lunch or drink wine at some point.

I am just satisfied knowing what lies beyond my walls.

Thrilled, folks.

And with that, have a good loooooooong weekend!