In Desperate Need of Vacation from Vacation

Hey kids,

I'm back and just realized I forgot to pay my July rent.

That is so unlike me.

I realized, being back in Boston this past week, that I am generally unlike me in the present. Being in Boston made me realize that I am not myself.

New self? Different self? Better self? I am afraid it is, instead, wrong self.

I am very scattered these days. Prior to my leaving, work was frantic and I was experiencing feelings of dumbness and inability and stress. I had visitors for a week solid prior to leaving, which explains my failure to pay rent or really engage in any sort of normal activity that requires being at home, such as the paying of rent.

My "vacation" ended up causing me more stress.

I was thrilled to see so many people, catch up with old friends, and to remember the old self and miss it. I am stressed, though, because it seems that D is not enamored with Boston and this poses a challenge. I have been back in NYC for about two hours and already am fed up with the loudness of the traffic and my lack of expertise.

I mastered Boston and apparently that's something I value.

I am feeling a lot of things right now and I don't understand any of them.

I thought that I'd experienced and felt everything there was to feel, but I was wrong.

Anyway, because I am stressed and flustered and confused and, gasp, homesick, I will leave you with a vague synopsis of my vacation. Hopefully I'll have time to tell some stories, but with work being such as it is and with life being still frantic and with Argentina less than two weeks away, I will most likely not have time for anything.

Left on Tuesday - no traffic! Spent the night on Sister's futon after watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and drinking wine coolers.

Ate lunch with former coworkers on Wednesday after touring former coworkers' new facility. I left nearly in tears. I miss them. I miss the way I am with them. I miss having people take an interest in me and taking an interest in other people. I miss smiles in the workplace and quirkiness. I was gratified after shocking the subject of a My Mundane Life In Song song to the point where he fell off his chair when I said "Hi!" with atypical confidence. Hah. I love how time actually does heal wounds.

Had Indian food on Wednesday night with A and J after D and I hit the hot tub in the Hyatt. Met up with friends at Orleans afterwards and was surprised that people had come out to see me and not to get a look at D. Again, I forgot what it feels like to be noticed, to be considered, to be something more than an appendage. After Orleans went back to Hall Street and, again, nearly left in tears because love feels so nice.

D said "All of your friends love you so much," and I thought "We settle for so much less in New York."

Had lunch with Brother and Aunt J on Thursday afternoon in the North End and then took a trolley around the city to convince D that Boston rules! I'd never done this before and learned a lot. D, however, was not convinced.

On Thursday night Brother, D and I met up with LBF and her posse at the Courtside and I remembered how much I love locals, and how much less intimidating and therefore more fun karaoke is in Boston. We then went to see Sister's band play in PA's Lounge in Somerville. We only got minorly lost.

On Friday afternoon I went for lunch at Emma's with former former coworkers and nearly left in tears because I'd forgotten what community feels like.

We then saw an exhibit on emotion at the ICA and then headed up to NH. The moment my parents arrived to pick us up I was stressed, and this stress continued throughout the weekend.

Every decision requires four hours of discussion.

Every option is a catastrophe.

Every word has the potential to cause an explosion.

Did I mention I forgot to pay my rent?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I hope I don't get evicted.

We spent time at the sandbar (got a raging sunburn), had a cookout, went to Funspot and were joined by LBF - woo hoo!, went to Meredith and Weirs Beach, had dinner at D's friend's house, saw War of the Worlds and Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the drive in, listened to Mother gush about how happy she is that there are now 8 of us instead of 5 as though rings have been exchanged and sometimes I am more worried about her heart breaking than my own.

Spent the 4th of July drinking Ice Bowls at Fire and Ice in Harvard Square and then watching American Psycho at Sister's instead of watching fireworks. This could be the start of a wonderful tradition.

Now I am back and am experiencing no relief/happiness about it. I don't know why.

Do I miss things?

I think I miss me.

I think I have no idea what I think.

Well, its at least good to be back on My Mundane Life in Song.

Here are some photos from my vacation! Enjoy.