I'm Miles Away

I didn't sleep much last night.

When I was actually fortunate enough to be granted sleep, I had the following two dreams:

1. I was in my bedroom in my apartment. My bed was littered with all sorts of things - this dream was very realistic. In fact, it wasn't very dreamlike at all. I suppose its just stress from not spending much time in my apartment at all. On my bed was my computer, and attached to it was my camera. As soon as I saw the camera, I remembered that I'd just seen Tiffani-Amber Thiessen at a bar! I was so excited, and immediately grabbed my camera to prove that I'd seen her. I found Roommate and said "Roommate, I saw Tiffani-Amber Thiessen tonight at a bar!" Roommate refused to believe me. She was like "NO WAY you saw Tiffani-Amber Thiessen." This was very funny, because based on the way we were acting, it was as though Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was some sort of major celebrity. Roommate wouldn't believe me, no matter what I said. I was like "Dude, I swear I saw her. She had long blonde hair, though, and I think she might have fake boobs. And she is super hot. Like way hotter than when she was on 90210." "Yeah, whatever." I scanned my camera, looking for the photos I'd supposedly taken of Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. I finally found them. They were very sultry. Suggestive. Very much focused on her breasts. When I went to show Roommate, however, the photos had disappeared and Roommate looked at me condescendingly. That was the whole dream.

(Sidenote 1: Tiffany and Amber are redundant.)

(Sidenote 2: I have no idea where this dream come from. None.)

(Sidenote 3: I don't, consciously, think that Tiffani-Amber Thiessen is hot. I have no idea why I insisted so strongly that she is super hot.)

2. Brother and I had been offered jobs working on the Muppet Show! We were very excited and couldn't contain ourselves as we walked through the streets of NY to start our new jobs. When we got to "the studio," it was no longer NY and was, like, the MGM Muppets ride. It was an outdoor Disney-esque Muppet pavilion. We were semi-disappointed. Our future boss appeared from a very tall Disney-ized skyscraper and said "So, you know what you'll be doing, right?" I actually had no idea what we'd be doing, but I knew we'd each be paid $80,000 a year to do it. Hence the excitement. And, well, the Muppet Show! "Actually, we don't know" said Brother. Our boss then handed us each a broom and said "Your responsibility is to keep the grounds neat every day. You will sweep out here, and will also maintain the entire stairwell of Muppets Headquarters (which is in the skyscraper)." Hmmm. I hadn't realized that our position was janitorial. It suddenly made sense to me that this was the job I had at the Muppet Show. It seemed too good to be true, given that I had zero qualifications to work there. I was perplexed about Brother, though, as clearly he has talent and would be a great asset to the creative forces behind the show. The boss said "Is this not acceptable?" I asked to talk to Brother in private, and said to him "Aren't we above this?" He said "No, I'll take what I can get." I said "But Brother, you're soooooo talented. Why would you settle for this?" "I'll take what I can get." "Do you think there's an opportunity for upward mobility?" "No, but I don't care." I said "I am going to call M and ask her what she thinks" and then thought better of it, because I knew she would say "Leah! THE MUPPETS! SWEEP THE DAMN STAIRS!" Then I woke up.

(Sidenote 4: This is clearly a dream about selling out. I don't know if I think I am a sellout or I worry that Brother will have to take some sort of job that doesn't fully utilize his creative genius in order to make ends meet. I'm sure its the latter. I'm just not sure why I was involved.)

(Sidenote 5: Seriously, I'd do anything for $80,000 a year. I don't know what I was thinking.)

I really need some sleep. Lots. My goal is 10 hours tonight. Will it happen? Probably not, but I'm aiming high, because then 8 hours (blissful 8 hours of sleep!) will seem like a compromise but will, in fact, be awshummmmmm.