Bless You, Holiday Party

Tee hee. The butterflies were reciprocated at the holiday party.

Also at the holiday party was drunken R again, who slurred things such as "Yerrrr the bessssht.... yerrrr the coolessst person at the companeee.... man, yerrrr my bessssht friend...."

He was also grabbing girls and twirling them around and grinding on whoever was around.

When you're my size, oftentimes people feel the compulsion to pick you up off of the ground. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I didn't have this totally neurotic fear of being lifted off the ground. I'm not sure from where it stems. I just hate being picked up - I feel really helpless, and god forbid if someone tilts me upside down. Total freak out.

The first time R picked me up tonight he picked me up wedding-day-over-the-threshold style and spun me around. I, of course, thought I was going to die. Luckily he stopped before I died, but not before my shirt was basically lifted up over my head, which was awsshummmm because I was bra-less. Mortified. I don't think anyone saw, and if they did, they were too drunk to remember.

The second time R picked me up tonight he tried the same maneuver, except this time it was about an hour and therefore four more drinks or shots or whatever later. He started spinning me around, but my head was tilted towards the ground - I was like "Dude, fucking STOP!" and he was just out of control with the spinning, and unable to control his body, which resulted in his dropping me, face first, onto the ground.

The whole scene was in slow motion. I was scared from the start, because somehow I knew the ending would not be pretty. I basically dropped (or was thrown, actually) a few feet and slammed my jaw on the ground, which then slammed upwards in my mouth. Luckily I didn't lose any teeth, which I could have. But man. The drop was at such a fierce velocity that I couldn't even get up afterwards.

I sort of sat there, dumbfounded, unsure of what to do. Because I couldn't get up, I didn't punch R in the face.

I'm sitting there, and people run over and are like "Oh my god!" "Are you alright?" "What happened?" etc.

I was like "I am going to fucking kill R" and then "Oh man, my chin hurts..."

M said "Here's my drink - its cold - why don't you put it on your chin," so I did.

Then this woman comes rushing over and takes the drink out of my hand and says "No more drinking for you!"

And I was like "EXCUSE ME!??!"

She said "I saw what just happened" and is literally trying to pull the drink out of my hand but I won't let her "And you are CUT OFF!"

I was like "You listen to me..."

And she's like "NO, YOU listen to me... you're totally drunk... I am the VP of *** and I know what's going on..."

And I was like "Clearly you don't, and you listen to ME, because that drink isn't even mine and I am completely sober and that drunk asshole over there just picked me up and dropped me on my head, and I was using that drink, provided to me kindly by M, to ice my chin, which is in massive amounts of pain."

VP of *** kissed my ass all night, as did R, who felt really really bad and kept saying "Leah, you know how much I lufffff you and you know I'd never hurt you cuz yer the besssssssht....."

I'd never had the thought "I would exchange my left arm for an ice pack" before tonight.

My chin is awesomely swollen right now.

I had ice cubes on it all night. It was a million degrees in the club so they melted instantly all over my purple pants.

But I don't really care, because Source Of Butterflies came over having missed the entire scene and said "You still look beautiful" and smiled awkwardly and made it all better.

Karma got R, though. After the company party we headed to an after party at some stupid bar that didn't have karaoke, because the karaoke plan got squashed due to various drama, people not showing, and my chin being my priority. R was sad about this, and upon arriving at the after party bar, said to the bouncer "So... like.... can we sing Bon Jovi here?" except somehow managed to slur it and offend the bouncer in the process. The bouncer said "He can't come in," and we were all "Why?" and he said "I am making a judgment call," assumingly based on his sobriety, but really he was just being snotty because R said something about karaoke, which apparently isn't cool enough.

We were outside for a while trying to decide what to do - ditch R and hang out with the rest of the crew - or take off and do karaoke somewhere else. While this was happening, A came out and said to R "Dude, how long have you lived in this city?" and R said "Two years." A said "Haven't you learned not to ask stupid questions like that? You deserve it!" and then marched away all high and mighty.

I wish I'd said "Haven't YOU learned not to go to snotty bars where bouncers flag people for arbitrary things?"

What a stupid poser lame ass thing to do.

Some woman from work took care of things (this drama went on for about half an hour, during which some of us just went inside, others rotated to hang out with R outside, etc.) by telling the bouncer that R was her boss and a very important VP. Who has a mohawk. Heh. R had to drink water for the remainder of the evening. (I think right now he and 50 other people are eating pancakes, but I didn't want any. Well, I want (ed) some but it didn't seem like a good idea. Now I really wish I'd had some. I thought I was tired, but again - the caffeine, alcohol and butterflies have gotten the best of me!)

Then we were all together and it was lovely, and I wasn't at all mad at R because I felt very sorry for his being flagged. I felt like it was us against the man! Or, us against snotty karaoke-haters.

Stupid bar.

Other than the chin fiasco and the lovely bruise it will leave on my face, the holiday party was great fun. Lots of dancing. Fabulous food this time. Cute boys from the New Jersey facility. Converse instead of pink boots because you can't be cold and have feet in agony at the same time - only one ridiculous clothes item per outing, so the tank top won over the boots. It didn't matter.

Things worked out exactly as I'd hoped without the pink boots. My horoscope today said "Don't be surprised if today actually turns out to be the red letter day you're hoping for." I thought "Not me, nope, no siree!!! There's no way life will let me have the day I am hoping for today," but, even without pink boots, I got it.

Tee hee.