Merry Christmas from My Mundane Life In Song

Title: New York at Christmas (Epic Version)



Title: New York at Christmas (Concise Version)



Genre: Christmas Carol
Date: 12.21.05

Description:

I got some good submissions for Christmas carols but, as usual, I didn't have time to write a song, let alone record one.

After getting home last night after a long, annoying commute, during which I decided to sing songs by The Shins at the top of my lungs to combat all of the zillion confused commuters in Midtown, I met with disdain the task ahead of me - packing for my week and a half off for the holidays in MA.

Devoted readers all know that packing is my most loathed activity, especially after battling tourists and commuters alike. I can't even explain to you the chaos that is Midtown around the holidays. I live in Midtown and getting home after a long day's work is torture. And I can't even explain to you the chaos that is me trying to figure out outfits and makeup and jewelry and shoes for over a week in the winter.

I began to pack and then, as is customary, began to devise clever ways to procrastinate. I finished reading my book for book club, swiffered the hell out of my apartment, did the dishes, perused a photography book I've been meaning to look at, and then thought "Wait! I should write a song about the PATH train!"

I've been taking the PATH to and from work during The Strike. It is so very slow. It's so slow that sometimes I don't even realize that it has stopped, since the difference between movement and being stopped is barely noticeable. I've been torn, because walking to the PATH from my apartment, waiting in line to take the PATH, taking the PATH, and then walking from the PATH to work actually takes longer than walking to work from my apartment. But I'd rather have twenty minutes of walking broken up with ten minutes on the PATH than 40 minutes of straight walking, which would be really boring and really cold.

I am grateful for the PATH. I'd be much more irritable about The Strike were it not for this option. I am very, very lucky.

My intention was to write an Ode to the PATH, praising its existence.

It became, instead, an epic Christmas carol. A medley!

First things first, there's a line that says something about my not knowing that the PATH existed. This is not true. I knew about the PATH. I just didn't know, until recently, that it went into Midtown.

Second, this is all one take. I wanted to procrastinate, but I didn't want to lose hours of valuable time during which I could be staring at clothes on my bed trying desperately to figure out what I might want to wear on New Year's Eve. Things therefore get a bit messy towards the end, but I only had an hour and a half to write the lyrics, write the music, record it, mix it, upload it, etc. So patience! This is some really bad singing, and messy piano playing.

Third, this is a medley.

Fourth, this is really long. I've posted two versions - The Epic Version and The Concise Version, which is comprised only of the end of the song, which is the part I like best.

Fifth, I think this song is a good representation of my Love/Hate relationship with New York City.

Sixth, I don't even know why I was packing last night since we're not leaving until late tonight to avoid The Strike related traffic out of the city. I think the plan is to leave at 9:00 or so. I could have just focused on the song and done a better recording.

Seventh, I probably wouldn't have sat down at the piano at all unless I was trying desperately to procrastinate, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Eighth, I didn't finish packing. What am I supposed to wear on New Year's Eve!?!?


Lyrics:

It's mayhem in Midtown this time of year
All the tourists walking with their noses in the air
Christmas in New York is a lovely thing
As long as you're not a native you'll find it amazing

But not this year
The tourists can't go Christmas shopping
The Union doesn't want them to see the tree
In Rockefeller Center, they won't be able to go ice skating
Trapped in their hotel rooms
They're missing everything

I am pro-labor
I empathize
But it's hard to be patient when it's this cold outside
Negotiations aren't going well
Because Toussaint is a diva
He's asking for too much
He's breaking the law
We're all in agreement that the workers should see the surplus
But this is ridiculous

It's even worse in Midtown
I know it's hard hard to believe
There's even more confusion
You should see Penn Station

But I don't care
Cuz the city gave me a gift
It is called the PATH train
I didn't know it even existed
Thank you, New Jersey
Thank you, Mass Transit
Thank you Moishe for kicking us out
Cuz it would really suck to walk across the Williamsburg Bridge
It would really suck to commute with the hipsters
Merry Christmas...

Who has annoying tourists
New York has annoying tourists
Where will shopping make you throw a fit
New York shopping makes you throw a fit

Must be New York, must be New York, must be New York at Christmas

Who's got a mass transit strike
New York has a mass transit strike
Who has the most commuters on bikes
New York has the most commuters on bikes

Must be New York, must be New York, must be New York at Christmas

Who has Radio City
New York has Radio City
Who has the best Christmas tree
New York has the best Christmas tree

Must be New York, must be New York, must be New York at Christmas