Short Cuts

As I walked down 8th Street last night, holding D's hand, I nearly bumped into a girl who was holding Matthew Modine's hand!

Gasp.

"Oh my god! That was Matthew Modine!" I said to D, who quickly turned around and tried to get a look. He had missed him. I hate the short millisecond celebrity sighting that cannot be shared.

"What did he look like?" he asked.

I explained that he was wearing a white t-shirt, shorts, and a white baseball cap that was only mostly covering his terribly bleached hair.

"Wow. Matthew Modine. Man."

I had such a crush on Matthew Modine. When I was a medical-school bound pre-teen, I watched Gross Anatomy repetitively. I enjoyed watching Matthew Modine transform into a hot but sensitive medical student, and imagined myself as the future Mrs. Dr. Modine.

When we got back to D's apartment after wandering the city aimlessly for hours in order to enjoy the nice weather and make up for being shut out of sold-out MOMA short films, I said "You know, it's weird. If Matthew Modine had wanted to trade, I'd have said no."

It wasn't the most articulate compliment. What I'd meant to say was "I used to have such a crush on Matthew Modine, but now that I am with you, I have no interest in him. If he'd said 'Swap - D can have my girlfriend and I'll take you,' I'd have been like 'No way, Matthew Modine! I have D now! I don't need to think about you in the 'Memphis Belle' and salivate any more! Take that, Matthew Modine."

"You wouldn't have traded what?"

"I'm saying that I'd have to think about it if he offered me $1,000,000 to sleep with him. Because, well, you're awesome."

D said "Huh. He's pretty awesome, though. You really don't think his Modine-itude could sway you?"

No, D, it is precisely because you say things like "Modine-itude" that I will never sleep with Matthew Modine.

Because, really, Matthew Modine was about to say "Dude, let me take your girlfriend!" but we were walking too fast.

Matthew Modine would never say cute things like "Modine-itude."

Or, maybe its just because I am a grown up now and don't have crushes on celebrities.

Right.

This all would have gone down differently had we encountered Christian Bale on the street, because right now D would be saying "I thought you said he was giving you a million dollars to sleep with him! Where's the money? What are we going to do with all that money? This is awesome!" and I'd be saying "Oh, well, actually, ummm, right. Remember that million dollars? Yeah. I made that up," and D would say "Oh, ok, cool."

So yeah.

Celebrity Sighting: Matthew Modine With Bad Hair.

Aweshummmmm.