Dentist Rant

Dear faithful readers,

I went to my dentist appointment this morning. As you know, making this appointment, like all things in NYC, was an ordeal. I called and made an appointment with the bitchy lady on the phone who said "Would you also like to make an appointment for a cleaning?" I responded "Wait - what did I just make an appointment for?" "The dentist." "They're separate?" "Hmmm-hmmmm." She transferred me to someone, and I said "I'd like to make an appointment for a cleaning?" She said "When?" and I said "Well, I am seeing the dentist on 10/25 at 9:00 am so after that?" She made an appointment for me at 9:30. Never have I had to make two appointments, but they seemed to think I was being insane for being confused so whatever. I should have known!

I arrived this morning at 9:00 am. On the nose. I was proud, because I thought I was running really late. I get in there and its chaos. Tons of irritable people waiting for appointments, as well as tons of women waiting behind the desk just looking bitchy.

I walked up to the desk and stood there for about four minutes while all of these women ignored me. I figured one of them would acknowledge me, look up, say something. But no. They kept looking through me, answering phones, talking to one another, speaking in Spanish to patients who were clearly irate about something. The vibe in there was foul and impatient.

Finally I said "Um? Excuse me?" and this one girl looked at me, put out that I was speaking. "I have an appointment at 9:00 with the dentist and then at 9:30 for a cleaning." "Which dentist?" she snapped, and I said "I don't know. I'm new. Maybe you can look it up?" All put out, she threw some forms at me and told me to fill them out. Like literally threw them. Well, more like slid them at me on the counter and then rolled her eyes. I filled them out and brought them back, and said "I don't know the address of my insurance" and she yelled at me and said "You don't know the address of your employer?" and I said, "No, my insurance" and she was like "SO!?!?" and I said "Well, there's this box here that asks for the address of your insurance and I'm just letting you know that I didn't fill it in" to which she responded "You don't know your employer's address?"

She snatched the paperwork out of my hands and stomped away.

I waited. During this time period, an older gentleman stormed out. Another gentleman was huffing and puffing. Another woman stormed off. Then another gentleman said "I'm not sure if the dentist knows I'm here. Nobody alerted him." "Did you sign in?" one woman barked. "I did, but nobody told him." "Oh, he KNOWS." I said "Wait - I didn't sign in?" and another woman barked "You don't have to because you're new." Meanwhile another woman was on the phone and said to the gentleman "Oh, well, now he knows you're here." Bitches.

I waited for 35 minutes. I looked up from my book and made eye contact with another woman behind the desk, who was, surprise suprise!, bitchy!, who summoned me over. She said "Do you know your work phone number?" I said I didn't (lame of me, yes, I know). It occurred to me then that she hadn't done anything with my paperwork before I looked up.

I waited another ten minutes, looked up, made eye contact again, and she summoned me. This time she said "What about your work address zip code?"

I made one up and then sat back down. Another ten minutes passed (it was now 10:00 am) and finally I stormed over to the desk and said "Look, I had a dentist appointment at 9:00 am. I've been waiting for an hour and I haven't been called in for the dentist or for my cleaning."

"Did you put in your paperwork for your cleaning?"

"I filled out the paperwork you gave me."

"It's different."

"Excuse me?"

"You have to fill out paperwork for your cleaning. That's why you haven't been CALLED," she snapped, and pointed around the corner.

I walked around the corner to the unmarked cleaning office? WTF?!?!??!?! A woman gave me more paperwork and said I'd be called in a few minutes after I saw the dentist.

I nearly started to cry. I'd been there for over an hour and everyone was mean and bitchy. I said "Do you have any idea when this might happen?" and she didn't.

I waited another fifteen minutes, after which I was called in for x-rays which were adminstered by a bitchy woman who told me to relax and who I couldn't really understand through her accent.

Then I had to wait another fifteen minutes for "the dentist."

Then I got called back to see "the dentist," where yet another bitchy woman, who gave me dirty looks for no reason, set me up. After sitting in the chair in silence for ten minutes while she stomped around and spoke on her cell phone, I said "Do you have any idea when he might turn up?" and she said "HE'LL BE HERE IN A SECOND!" and then stormed off.

The dentist was nice enough, but I hated him anyway. He was trying to be chatty, asked me if my family was in the mafia, but I couldn't be bothered. I wanted to kill him. He told me I don't have a cavity and told me I should get my teeth whitened because they are running a deal for $150, which is actually fairly cheap and which I'd have considered if I wasn't adamant about never setting foot in that place again.

I put my coat on at 10:45 and stormed into the cleaning office and declared "I can't take this anymore! I've been here for an hour and 45 minutes and I have a job!" The woman understood and told me to call to reschedule my appointment, but clearly I won't be doing that.

Now.

I'm not irate that I had to wait. Sometimes these things happen. There are dental emergencies. I understand that someone's tooth falling out is far more important than my yearly cleaning.

But.

What I can't tolerate is gross incompetence, the fact that they clearly didn't do anything with my paperwork because they were sitting around being bitchy for the first 45 minutes I was there, the fact that they ignored me when I walked in (and ignored everyone else there, for that matter), the fact they they rolled their eyes every time a patient would call on the phone. They were the antithesis of helpful. Would it have been so difficult for them to say "Here, fill out this paperwork, and when you're finished, walk to the unmarked office around the corner and fill out paperwork there." If they'd said that, I could have had my teeth cleaned during the wait. But no! They can't possibly be proactive or nice.

I hate them all.

And now I have to make yet another cleaning appointment and fill out new paperwork at another dentist's office. Man. I am never calling 1-800-DENTIST again.