Normal Blogging Resumes...

... for the time being.

I've been trying to be very dismissive of work at work, to "work" in the way that everyone else "works," which is not to drive themselves mad. It worked for a few days, and I thought (hoped!) that it would continue through this week. I planned a light week, with little stress, full of errands and side projects but alas! No! Of course not! A meeting at 4:45! More work discussed! For tomorrow! Or else!

I am supposed to be working now but my brain hurts. Oh how it hurts. I can't wait for the call from MF for dinner, which for me will be more liquid than solid.

Nevertheless...

I am feeling more sane these days. Last weekend was revelatory. I harnessed anger instead of sadness and felt mostly functional by the middle of last week. I know these things take time, but I am impatient by nature and also far too self aware. I put pressure on myself to solve my own problems quickly, but I think something like this takes a long time to process and I have to allow myself to do that in whatever way possible. I have to do whatever it takes, and if anger is what it takes, then so be it.

Hence was I functional enough to go out every night last week (thank you, rage, for making me not want to be sedentary), even though my cold was raging and I needed sleep and also more sleep.

I had diner food with PW on Tuesday night. I asked for asparagus in the scrambled eggs and they somehow managed to strip the asparagus of all its wonderful asparagine (heh) properties. I didn't mind, though, as the conversation rendered the cuisine unimportant.

On Wednesday I met D's friend A from Arizona, and her crazy friend D from NYC whose apartment has bed bugs. I loved them both, and cringed only when A said "So I've heard nothing about you so tell me about you!!" which isn't her fault, but oh. How can anyone be dating someone for two years and tell good friends nothing? She said "Well, I've heard that one thing," she said and glanced slyly at D. What? What one thing? How am I not supposed to ask "What one thing?" I am a girl and must know such things! Did she hear the thing about how I was annoyed that he ignored my emails? Does she think I'm insane? Is she angry with me for wanting D to tell me about his days? I repressed all girl-like tendencies and somehow managed not to ask. I wanted to counter with "Well, I've heard nothing about you either," again incriminating D who hadn't mentioned her before and then said "You have to meet my friend A! She's such a good friend!" I had originally deemed her visit unimportant since he'd never mentioned her, but then thought better of it and realized that I can't tell who is and is not important to D since he doesn't ever talk about the people in his life. I was glad that I decided to do the right thing and meet her despite my being sick because she rocks. Hard.

On Thursday CJ arrived with flowers in hand. I haven't seen him since I moved to NYC as he'd been banned from the country until recently. I told him everything, got over it quickly and we went to the roof where we talked relationships and NYC. We ate, drank, returned to the apartment, played with Star Wars figures, and went to bed. Early. Because I was still sick. Sick (drunk?) enough to incorrectly inflate the air mattress which of course deflated and left CJ's elbow on the hard wood floor. Me = worst hostess ever. Well, worst drunken/deliriously ill hostess ever.

Friday was my first ever massage, a gift from D! Yes! I nearly cried when he told me about it. He told me on Tuesday and I was counting down all week. I realized during the massage that I am incapable of relaxing my body and mind. My body felt tense. I had to concentrate on being relaxed. I had to concentrate on not thinking. I had to concentrate on not hearing the sounds of the city outside. I found myself thinking about trees covered in snow. About half an hour through it I was jelly, and was mortified when my hour was up. Euphoric, I called NR and couldn't muster up the energy to plan a location for dinner, so we decided to cancel. I walked the 30 blocks home in the cold because my senses were alive, my stress was low, and I didn't want to ruin my calm state by dealing with the subway.

At home I had a lame dinner, and started to watch Road to Perdition with D but we both fell asleep by 10:15. Bliss. We are lame, and do we care? No! Because we no longer have to impress anyone.

On Saturday morning D and I decided to deconstruct our entire apartment in order to Get Rid of Stuff. Everyone is constantly telling us that we have no stuff, but we are both bothered by how much stuff we have. I think what inspired us most was The Parents' having kept everything for 30 years. Not that we have accumulated much, but there's always room for improvement. I threw away VHS tapes (yes, I did it!) and my Jem wig. We shuffled drawers around and re-organized the closets. Mid-process I left to have lunch with SK, who I haven't seen in way too long. We caught up and were girlie and happy and making lavish plans for our New York selves. Back at the apartment I threw away old bills and MA tax booklets from 1999. I began photographing all the nostalgia I want to get rid of and was surprised when CJ popped in. I was even more surprised when he gave me $60 for four Star Wars commemorative plates. Yes! I took more photos and did more reorganizing when D returned. I even convinced D to utilize the vast space beneath our bed for storage purposes. We tried to finish Road to Perdition but the DVD was scratched. I posted items on Craigslist and some collector websites, read Wired and was asleep by midnight. That's two weekend nights in, folks.

Yesterday I woke up early and took more photos of things to sell. I posted more ads. I scrambled eggs with shallots and felt healthier. D and I headed to the East Village, where we searched for Halloween costumes and met up with NR. I had a fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich for a snack. The three of us then met up with MY and saw The Departed, which was doubly awesome because (a) it was a really good movie (more Tarantino than Scorsese, if you ask me) and (b) Frank Mallicoat was in it. FRANK MALLICOAT from the evening news in Boston! I love Leo. I admit it. It's taken me many years to admit but I admit it. He's a good actor. And hot. He can't not be. He does not age. He's brilliant always. Matt Damon was the ultimate weasle. Run out. See it. UMass represents in it. As does the Dedham Mall. And Somerville! We went out for dinner and rehashed what confused us about the movie. Back at the apartment, I finished up my photography project (goals for the weekend exceeded - all that remains now are the books! woop!), and was asleep, again, by 11:00.

It was the perfect weekend. Relaxed yet ridiculously productive, solitary at times but also social, movie watched, Halloween costume thought of and portion of Halloween costume acquired, emotions mostly ignored (other than anger and how dare they keep calling me about these things?), new project conceived. The only downside was that I still haven't returned phone calls to NL or JQ, and I want to call AS and RR but there is no time and the time difference makes it even more difficult. But I will... I feel things calming down, I feel myself calming down. I am digging the calm to the extent that I declared "I don't think we should go to the Galapagos and Machu Pichu and Easter Island... while that would be the best thing ever, I think it might be a little nuts for us to try to do three different trips in two weeks... many flights... possible stress... what about going to a spa resort instead?" Massages every day! Jacuzzi in the room! Possibly wilderness or ocean outside our door! I think relaxing is in order, and I am nearly certain D will consent.

Heh. Me at a spa. Hilarious, but I think it is the right thing for right now.

Until the next time that I have a spare moment at work....