Too Good To Be True

OK.

Disposing of my former apartment has become, of course, a saga.

D said "Everything will work out. Don't worry."

I said "Look, D, there's something you may not realize about me. Things tend not to work out for me. Whenever there's a chance for something to go wrong, especially financially, things will not work out. Weird health insurance charges? Me. Weird rental situations? Me. Getting laid off almost twice? Me. Crappy stock options? Me. Piano movers not showing up to move the piano? Me. It won't work out."

Something divine happened with the former apartment last week. The Landlord's Right Hand Woman has been uncooperative and has been making things extremely difficult for me. The management entrusted the rental of the apartment to a realtor, who failed to show the apartment. Nobody has been communicating with me. When I attempt to communicate, I am met with shortness and judgment. Fine. I broke a lease. Be mean about it, but it is in everyone's best interest to get the apartment rented as soon as possible.

I decided to post an ad on Craigslist and hoped that a random, good potential tenant would present him/herself.

I got a zillion responses, narrowed the search down to three potential tenants, and showed the apartment to two of them.

Both were interested. The first girl was cool and said she'd like to apply, but only if there wasn't a fee involved. At that point in time, I'd been unable to get a straight answer from The Landlord's Right Hand Woman as to whether the potential tenant would have to go through the realtor even though the realtor would have done absolutely nothing to secure the tenant.

The second guy was even cooler, and it turned out that one of his best friends lived in the apartment upstairs from me! Small world. I love that stuff. We decided that he should apply for the apartment as a friend of my upstairs neighbor's instead of as a friend of Leah Lar, Lease-Breaker. He was giddy with enthusiasm about the apartment, and I was thrilled to find someone who was as excited about my apartment as I was.

I doubted it, of course. It seemed too good to be true.

D said "I think this is going to work out for both of us!"

D, of course, only showed his former apartment to one person, who happened to be a friend of a friend of mine. Did any of my friends find tenants for me? Of course not. Did they try? They did, but they all came up empty-handed. Of course. Because things don't work out neatly on my planet.

I said "I don't know. I'm not getting my hopes up until the papers are signed and he's living there."

I fretted all weekend. D said "There's no way something will go wrong. It's going to work out!"

"OK. I think you're right. I think this might actually have been... easy for me."

On Monday everything seemed fine. He called and said he was going to call The Landlord that afternoon. He called, which was more than I expected. I expected to hear nothing and to succomb to immense anxiety.

And then, of course, disaster. Bad credit.

He offered to have a guarantor.

They wouldn't have it.

He called again today and said "My guarantor, who is a Rockefeller, will put a year's rent aside, and will come to a meeting with me. Please give me the apartment. Please reconsider. I will do anything for this apartment." He basically begged.

They wouldn't have that either.

And of course the original girl who wanted it found another place over the weekend.

This morning I posted an ad nearly identical to the one I posted last week and I've gotten three responses, from students or subletters or other people who have no concept of what is required to get this apartment.

I called some people from last week and two of them are going to look at it tonight.

I will be sitting there in the empty apartment, reading my Village Voice, praying for good credit and stable jobs and people who appreciate the value of a sparkly renovation.

Of course they will both hate the apartment, and I will post an ad tomorrow but won't be able to show the apartment because I have class. So, best case scenario, if these people tonight don't like it, I show the place on Monday and someone falls madly in love with it and can get the paperwork squared away next week and can move in next weekend, thus sparing me May's rent.

But what will actually happen is that I'll end up renting it for the second weekend in May but will be legally obliged to pay for the entirety of May, because that's how NYC is, and that's how things are for me.

Ergh.

I am trying not to scream.