On Hold

Oh my god. I have been on hold for 23 minutes waiting to see if the accursed fondue set has shipped. I want to know if it's on it's way. I want to be excited if it is. It's not like there's anything I can do if it hasn't been shipped, but I just need to know.

I know, I know, all of your agents are busy serving other customers! I KNOW!

Now that I have decided to stay in New York City, I am trying to figure out ways to guarantee my sanity. Basically, I want to stop being a New Yorker.

This place changes a person. I'm more uptight, stressed, frantic, unnerved, and suspicious than I was in Boston. I'm more judgmental. I'm more jaded, if that is even possible!

I need these things to go away in order for me to be a sane, productive, happy person.

Some things that I will do to be sane:

1. Blog while on hold.

2. Be better about keeping up with phone calls. I spent two hours on the phone with Mother last night and then another house on the phone with M. It was delightful to talk to both of them. Mother and I had profound discussions about parents and parenting style and The Depression and philosophy and happiness and not judging other people even though you just want them to be happy. M and I laughed about wedding insanity.

3. Avoid things that stress me out. For example, attempt to commute at non-peak times when possible. Avoid areas with high tourist concentration. Avoid restaurants in which snotty people eat.

4. Stop reading listings so as not to feel like I have to do everything.

5. Stop feeling guilty about not reading things like The New Yorker, The Onion, and other publications with information that I feel like I have to know just because other people do. Admit that I do not care about these things and that life is not necessarily better when there is more information in it. Realize that people will not think less of me if I am not on top of every type of media. Realize that these people are wasting their time reading things that do not actually enrich the quality of life. Realize there are other ways to be smart that don't involve being a master of trivia.

6. Stop comparing myself to other people. Live life like I used to. Do not feel pressured to be into art, music, fashion, politics, policies, etc. just because others are.

7. Play more piano. Practice. Record more songs. Make time for this.

8. Sign up for photography class (es).

9. Buy exercise videos. Abominable, yes, but cheaper than gym. Realize that flatter stomach will not lead to higher quality of life BUT will allow consumption of more cookie and ice cream products.

10. Move out of the city, preferably to area that permits regular sleep and does not carry with it the constant threat of fire/explosion.

11. Read more fiction. Do not feel guilty about reading fiction.

12. Watch more movies at home.

13. Avoid shopping when possible.

(Oh my god. It's been another 15 minutes on hold!)

(Oh my god again! Just as I wrote that, the woman got on the phone and said "The item you ordered has been discontinued!" Oh my god! When were they going to tell me this? I ordered it two weeks ago! Were they going to call? Or were they just waiting for me to call them? Bastards! This is my New York self rearing its ugly head. This is only a problem because I live in NYC, where I do not know where to even purchase a fondue pot, and even if I did, there would not be time to buy one and even if there was it would not be affordable! NO! No no no no no. NO!!!)

14. Avoid talking to customer service people when possible.

15. Do not have overambitious plans regarding birthday presents.

16. Do not have aspirations to actually be adequate girlfriend to superhuman boyfriend.

17. Do not shop. Ever.

18. Do not go to doctor's appointments. Ever. This will only result in evil treatment by others, wasting of insane amounts of time, and gigantic medical bills that your insurance will not cover.

19. Do not interact with people unless it is absolutely necessary.

20. Hang out with like-minded people so as not to feel inferior, stupid, ugly, poorly dressed, non-creative etc. Oh how I miss my Boston friends who were normal, reasonable, nice, wonderful, dependable, sweet, devoted, rational, deep, real people who possess the ability to discuss their feelings and fears and lives instead of hiding behind Pitchfork's latest review.

Ummmmmm.

Right.

I started this entry off in such a good mood and the blue, minimalist, tiny, perfect fondue set has ruined everything. I devoted 10 hours of my life to searching for this thing and it all turned out to be a lie. They never even had it to begin with! I am so disappointed.

Everything in this city is a project. Everything you do here requires 10x more effort than it does in normal places. You can't just go to one place to buy your groceries. No. You have to go to three different places to get 3/4 of your list, and you just give up on the rest of it. There are no gnocchi in this damn city, and I can't even make them myself because I don't have counter space.

OK. I'm done.

I am going to look for fondue sets in the city.

Until tomorrow...