Strong Teeth

I went to the dentist this morning.

What better way to ease back into life after being away, relaxed, for a long weekend? How I love being welcomed back into Normal Life by bloody gloves in your face and the Steve Martin remake of Cheaper By the Dozen!

My dentist shows movies in the waiting room, and then while you're having your teeth cleaned, they show that same movie without sound.

I am ashamed to admit that I was starting to get into Cheaper by the Dozen in the waiting room, and was annoyed when I didn't know what was going on whilst having my mouth excavated. Bizarre, no? Bizarre that I couldn't really tell what was going on without the sound. I'd imagined it to be far more predictable. There was something with Hillary Duff, in a towel, being mortified after stepping out of the shower only to find that the high school football team was in her house. I have no idea.

At any rate, while I was having my teeth cleaned, I was thinking about two things:

1. My original NYC Dentist Experience. I found out today that those bastards didn't send my x-rays to the new dentist. Bastards!!!

2. How in the future going to the dentist will be like something out of Star Wars, with a cute robot dentist that is programmed to say things like "Fabulous lack of plaque!" and "This isn't the worst thing ever, you know" and will then list all of the more torturous things you could be doing prior to work on a Tuesday. This will be helpful in avoiding the awkwardness of staring into your hygenist's pretty eyes and being observed by a human being while you choke on your own spit.

Could the dentist suck any more?

The hygenist with pretty eyes said "Your face is going to get really wet but don't worry. I'll wipe it for you." She wasn't kidding! I'd never experienced having water shot up my nose during a dentist appointment. As if it wasn't already bad enough!

When the dentist came in to look things over, she said "Did you ever have braces?" "No." "You have remarkably straight teeth!" Awww, shucks. I finally admitted that I'd had a retainer. I try so desperately to block out those years.

She then said "Your teeth are so strong. You have solid teeth. Good for you."

Do people have non-solid teeth?

She said "But don't let that stop you from taking care of them. Sometimes people with teeth like yours stop taking care of things. You still have to floss, and brush well."

What?

First of all, how do people with solid teeth know that their teeth are unusual? Is this unusual? Solid teeth? What? And second of all, why would that prevent one from brushing one's teeth well? Do solid teeth imply some sort of immunity? Am I gifted in having solid teeth?

I don't know.

I do love the sensation of smooth, polished teeth.

I do, however, hate dentists.

But I hate the thought of a root canal more, so I force myself to go.

OK. This dentist talk is boring.

I'll write more later.