Engaged

Hope you didn't get too excited. It is not I who am engaged!

Far from it, actually.

This girl in the bay across from mine got engaged whilst on her camping vacation earlier this week.

She returned, giddy, with a huge rock and a perma-smile. She claims she cried for an hour when he asked her.

I, for some reason, nearly cried when she told me.

I am emo today. Real emo.

As soon as I got the opportunity, I said "Congratulations!" and then wondered what, exactly, I was congratulating her for.

I've been thinking about it, and I think what I meant to say was "Congratulations on finding someone who likes you enough to spend the rest of his life with you!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who doesn't think your emotions are stupid!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who has emotions!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who respects you!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who will put up with you!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who likes you enough to stick with you through good and bad!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who can handle you!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who actually wants to handle you!" or "Congratulations on finding someone who makes you cry because you are happy and not because you are sad because you feel like he doesn't like you all that much sometimes."

Man. I said "Bench buddy, why does someone's getting engaged make me feel emo?"

He said "That's surprising. It doesn't seem like you since you're not really into the institution."

"I know, that's why I'm asking for you opinion. I don't get it."

He said "I think its hard-wired. I think that's just how girls are. You know how girls get when their friends get engaged. They just get crazy. That's just how girls are."

That's just how girls are.

I wish someone would explain this to boys.

D, apparently, is still mad at me for being uncomfortable about his ex-girlfriends. I said, recently, after defining "ex girlfriend" and making him tell me who they are and what the circumstances were and forcing him to just give me personal information, "Look, I don't mind if you hang out with them, and in turn, you can't mind that it makes me uncomfortable" but he refuses to allow me to be uncomfortable. Because he doesn't agree with it. He thinks its stupid to feel that way, and therefore so am I. He says "You don't trust me" and "It's ridiculous to be insecure" and "I am not going to cheat on you" and "Stop acting like you know stuff about how people are because your circumstances are just unusual."

I just want to scream "Some people are just like this! A lot of girls are like this! I am not abnormal!!!"

That's just how girls are.

That's just how I am and he won't accept it.

Emo, kids, emo.

D is allowed to be emo right now. I am being patient and supportive and there for him but it's not easy. He refuses to ask for help and gets overwhelmed and the result is consuming negativity about and frustration with everything. He is allowed to feel negative. He is not allowed, however, to ruin us because of things that have nothing to do with us. I won't let him. I am trying to be positive and patient and understanding, but it hurts.

It hurts when I feel that we could end and he wouldn't care, and that makes me think that maybe it should end. But I don't want it to.

EMO!!!! I hate being emo.

D hates that I am emo.

But I think its weirder not to be.