Validation

I was in a bad mood today. I wasn't sure why. You know how it is. General malaise, moodiness, questioning everything, questioning happiness, doubting things. Thinking about Boston. Wanting friends. Wondering if you made the right decision. Thinking you look like shit even though people like your new haircut. Experiencing a mood because for the first time since you moved you have time to experience a mood.

I thought "Why ever am I in a bad mood?"

I looked at my calendar. Right. PMS.

Of course.

As M says, usually the acknowledgment of PMS's existence is enough to combat PMS, but this time it wasn't.

D asked me on the phone "How are you doing?" and I said "I don't know, I'm in a bad mood, but I think it might be PMS."

He said "How do you know?" and I said "Well, I don't." I explained that sometimes its hard to tell, especially in times of major life transitions.

Because I was in a bad mood, he said "Well, I should probably let you go..." and because I was in a bad mood I was like "Yeah, I guess..." even though I didn't want to get off the phone. Darn PMS! Where has my mind gone? I am psychotic. I wanted to cry. Why? No freaking idea.

When I got off the phone with him, I checked my email. I'd been checking neurotically all weekend for some sort of confirmation of the receipt of my comic, which I'd sent in rough form for feedback. I hadn't heard back from the dude all weekend (I sent it on Friday) and was concerned that he hated it and was trying to figure out a polite way to tell me that it sucked and that he never wants to hear from me again.

But! This time there was an email from him! And he liked the comic! He had some suggestions, and said it was "great" and "funny." YEAH!!!! My bad mood was conquered! Maybe all I needed was validation for all the work I've been doing, and strife I've been experiencing, and uncertainty I've been wrestling with about this project.

I called D back immediately to announce that my bad mood was indeed a bad mood and not PMS, and that it was over!

D wasn't as excited as I was.

We talked for two seconds, and now I am moody again. And want to cry for no reason at all.

Which is because I obviously have PMS.