Catching Up

It's been crazy, folks, crazy! Not just with work, but with life in general. I spent this week catching up with life. I bought groceries, drank with MF who is concerned and wonderful (and who I forgot I'd made plans with and therefore had to invite to midtown where I apologized profusely and drank with him at the bar and then cooked dinner for him amidst some good gossip), dined with NR at a great find in the west village prior to attending a boring pre-season hockey game courtesty of The Boss, took a bubble bath and cleaned and relaxed and watched a movie for the first time in I can't remember how long, went to the bar with my new coworker and a million other coworkers and PW, who fits right in and tolerates science-speak, but it was ok because we talked also about tatoos and expenses and boys.

The week before I was in MA, where I was able to talk and emote around people who understand, around people who share blood, around people who are feeling many things and things that are different but still important. It was good to be immersed in the new dynamic, and to see it acknowledged. Separate is annoying logistically but it's so much better and real and far less stressful. I helped pack and organize and throw things away. I found old sheet music and cried playing the piano for the very last time. I didn't think it would hurt but it really did. I wasn't the only one who was crying. I cried too much and didn't go through the toys, which worries me because I know if I saw the Barbie heads I would think of something wonderful to do with them, but from afar may have to say "Just throw them away," sniff sniff. I felt connected to things I hadn't realized existed. I can't believe it's all going to be gone soon. I can't believe where they're going. I don't understand what it means yet. I looked at a condo and said "Buy it!" even though I'm not sure it's the best idea in general, but I think it's the best idea for her. I said things like "Ask them if you can keep the curtain rods! They're spectacular!" Others were more concerned about heat and storage space, but it felt cozy and new and that's what she needs now.

I saw friends too, met and adored the new fiance, had drinks, cuddled with a cat who is more of a stuffed animal than a living thing, dance danced revolution, ate a burrito, felt loved and like I belong somewhere which happens not to be where I live now, listened to Sister's band, ran around frantically, met someone from NYC on the commuter rail, used a Charlie Card, decided that yes I am going to go to photography school and its just a matter of when, talked to D and was missed, got a haircut with my old hairdresser who found out the day before that she has thyroid cancer, didn't miss NYC at all, slept well despite being on couches at times, spent money, had banana-peach-walnut pancakes presented to me and thanked her for being like a parent since right now it feels like I don't have any, saw all of my grandparents, ran into old friends, spent more money, and just felt good.

And of course I felt very bad when I got home and remembered what life really is, so I shut the door and cried because I wanted to be with people who matter and around things that matter and to not be more stressed out at work about things that do not matter.

But all is ok now, because I ate a lot of garlic this weekend.

Until next time...