I have a theory. Well, its not really a theory. Just an inconclusive observation.
I think I have more dreams - or am more likely to remember dreams - when I read before going to bed.
This being said, I read before going to bed when I have time to read before going to bed, which generally means that tons of sleep is had on this sort of night. So it could be that I remember more dreams because I have more dreams when I get more sleep.
Regardless, it seems like my dreams are most complex when I've read prior to falling asleep.
Last night I had a recurring dream. I have this dream maybe once or twice a year, and have been having it since I was a child. It's gotten more developed and elaborate as I've grown up. It involves dinosaurs, which I love. I do, after all, sleep with a stuffed dinosaur that I've had since 5th grade. In the dream, however, dinosaurs are coming! It's on the news and we are all warned to stay inside and fight them off if we can, but we really don't have a chance.
When I was little, the dinosaurs would come to my parents' house, and we'd all be huddled in the basement as a family, helpless, watching their feet pass by the skinny basement windows as our house shook. Eventually a dinosaur (think velociraptor) would get in and make its way down the stairs and into the basement, cornering us. Usually it would attack one or all of my family members, except me, and I'd wake up shortly thereafter.
As I grew up, the dreams would take on a more aggressive approach. We'd try to come up with ways to get out of the house to avoid the dinosaurs or we'd try to devise weaponry out of household objects to take them down. Sometimes we'd just watch them from inside and they'd never get in, sometimes they'd get in and be upstairs and we'd just be freaking out downstairs, sometimes they'd actually get down into the basement and we'd be screwed, sometimes we'd climb onto the roof and watch them from above.
In all scenarios, I am in awe. I love dinosaurs. I am in awe, but the most scared I've ever been. I am scared for my family and afraid that my home will be torn apart by dinosaurs.
In all scenarios, its usually my siblings and I battling, devising plots, holding onto each other tightly. I think in the more recent instances of the dream, my parents are away on vacation or at work or busy with other things.
In last night's episode, my siblings and I were trying to figure out ways to battle the dinosaurs, as usual. It was raining this time - which was new - so our observation was obstructed. We had no idea if/when they would be arriving. We couldn't predict anything. We were, moreso than usual, helpless. We were arguing and frightened and panicked and desperate. My mother was around. She refused to do anything. She was in her room, cowering, saying there was no hope. She couldn't do it. Don't even bother. It is the end. My father was there as well, and he kept saying that he knew what to do - he knew exactly what to do - but he wouldn't help. He said "You guys can do this on your own. You don't need my help." We kept saying we needed help - whatever help could be given - but he was like "No, I'll just take care of myself."
My siblings and I held onto each other for dear life, waiting, the three of us, no parents, for our house to be torn apart by dinosaurs. Which, in this dream, it was. We were fine, but the house was destroyed. The three of us were left out in the rain with no parents.
It's interesting to see this evolve - so obviously - over time.
I wonder why I was so afraid of my home being torn apart as a child. There was no reason for me to be having this dream back then. We all make sense in the dream now.
I don't know if this is a larger metaphor - I think it is obvious and represents something you love having the potential to be really scary and destructive.
Anyway, recurring dreams. Weird. It's wasteful to have dreams you've had before. But still interesting to see them change ever so slightly.
My other recurring dream is the prom-dress shopping dream. I haven't had that in a while. It's awful. Even worse than the dinosaurs.
OK. I have to work. Happy Thursday.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
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3 comments:
Oh dude, you are horrifying me with your recurring nightmare! Now I am afraid I am going to have a nightmare! This is interesting, though, because I was just thinking about dreams and analyzing the dreams I had as a child. Sometimes I had dreams of flying, those are good... that is the sign of a happy childhood. Many times, and even know, I have anxiety dreams where something or someone is lost and I'm trying to find them. It's very frustrating. Usually, I am searching for my grandparents in this dream. Keep in mind, my grandparents are still alive, but in the dream they have moved or I know where they live but I can't find my way to their house. When I was a kid, I would be walking to their apartment or riding my bike, but now I will be driving over to see them. I spend most of the dream searching in malls, grocery stores, post offices, random apartment buildings, hospitals, nursing homes, etc. and I NEVER find them. Worse still, there is some kind of overwhelming concern in the dream that my grandparents are sick or dying and they need me, but I can't find them! Awful. Awful dreams. Just thinking about it gives me agita. Thanks, L!!! I'm so glad that we share so many neuroses.
I have several recurring dreams, but they're more just recurring *themes*. One series, now apparently complete, was me being attacked by a rapist. I had this dream 4 times. They were all different situations and different rapists, but the idea was the same. And in each dream, I got better at kicking the guy's ass; by the last dream I think I almost killed him. I could have killed him, but I chose not to, I think. And that was it. Four dreams, very empowering.
The second theme is that I've put too much gum in my mouth and I can't get it out. It's very weird, and more upsetting than it sounds, because I'm usually in some sort of social situation where it's terribly improper to be putting my fingers in my mouth and pulling out huge wads of very sticky, very gooey gum, so I try to do it surreptitiously, but no matter how much gum I pull out, the amount of gum in my mouth stays the same. It's bad enough that a friend of mine once offered me this huge gumball which she said were delicious, and I couldn't accept it because I was afraid it would get stuck in my mouth.
The last one is the theme of losing control of my vehicle. I have this dream when I feel like my life is out of my control. It's so obvious, it's embarrassing. The first time I had it, my controlling boyfriend of the time was in the car with me and told me to keep driving even though the brakes were out. Hmmm... what could that mean?
So I'm glad that you, too, have extremely obvious symbolism in your dreams, Leah. Maybe it's because we're scientists. (But I have no idea what the gum thing is all about.)
My two recurring dreams involve Wonder Woman and a devil dog.
The devil dog dream always starts out in an urban setting and always ends with my climbing the stairs of a tall building, going out onto the roof, where two or three strangers are also lounging about, watching the sun set, when one of the clouds in the distance makes its way over to us and becomes pixelated, morphing into a giant hellhound that starts attacking us. We all throw rocks at it, it mauls a couple the strangers, and then goes after me. It jumps on me and is about to chow down, but I grab its neck and hold it away. I get very warm and flushed, adrenaline going, close my eyes to concentrate. The stalemate lasts for a really long time and then it stops, and I'm back on the roof again, with the strangers, just like before, only it's as if nothing's happened and nothign will. The end.
The Wonder Woman dreams, which are much more fun, always involve an adventure where an evil professor-type tricks and captures me (one time it was in the jungle from the Bugs Bunny cartoon with the two gorillas), and either 1) Wonder Woman busts us out or 2) Wonder Woman has previously been captured herself and requires my assistance as co-prisoner in escaping. (Women are always pleased by the feminist aspect of the plots.) Afterwards, lots of making out with Lynda Carter. Like I said, much more fun than the devil dog one.
Both dreams were influenced by the TV I was watching at the time, when I was learning English. ("Devil Dog" -- a cheesy Channel 56 movie -- is pretty scary when you're six.)
The most vivid dream I ever had was influenced by a book -- I had pneumonia some years ago, and the first night, I kept re-imagining/experiencing key scenes over and over and over and over without ever waking up -- the 103-degree fever and difficulty in breathing helped out the analgous imagery, but the worst of it, which I can still remember, vividly, now, awake -- was the claustrophobia. It was so mentally exhausting, I never even finished the book, which was, of course, 'Schindler's List'.
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