One year!
My one year anniversary happened to coincide with a loft party hosted by someone who has worked at the company for 20-ish years. He's president of The Old Boy's Club.
I am still a new kid, apparently, as I left the party in tears because not only do people still not talk to me, I now have the added issue of being an appendage, a function of someone else, "the girlfriend" at my own place of employment.
Someone turned to me and said "You know who's special? D. He's so special. I hope you know how special he is."
"Yes, I know, obviously" I said, while wanting to scream "What am I, chopped fucking liver!!??! You've never spoken to me in your life and this is what you decide to say to me?"
I wasn't even going to go to the party. I had class and was just going to go home, but I haven't had much fun lately (sickness, home for the weekend, etc.) so thought it would be nice to be social. I also thought that it wasn't fair that I didn't feel comfortable going to The Old Boy's Club Fort. I work here, I deserve free drinks and dinner just as much as The Members do!!
It's weird going to a company function and feeling like "the girlfriend" even though you work there.
I shouldn't have gone. I knew I was feeling emo. I was thinking about things like feeling transparent and lonely and inconsequential. These are all things you feel on your anniversary in New York City. I knew a work function would only reinforce these feelings. I guess I'd hoped to find other outcasts, but there were no outcasts remaining by the time I arrived because everyone had been drinking for three hours.
The situation is complicated in ways I didn't envision. It's hard to be new and insecure and nonexistent when you are dating the golden boy.
I wonder if anyone ever tells D that he's lucky.
I mentioned this to a woman at work today, and she said the most perfect thing. She said "He's lucky that you came here. He was a lost soul before you."
I feel better today, because its sunny and I don't have a headache today and I am psyched about my photography class even though I am afraid that I am going to suck.
Speaking of which... here are some photos from my time in RI:
D's Granny's cat:
Cool pile of wood:
We found a school near a lake that had this swingset:
We played on the swings and had an awesome time talking about pendulums and realizing that we don't remember anything from Physics:
If only I'd kept my notebooks!
Until tomorrow...
3 comments:
I think he's lucky to have found you. And I think he thinks he's lucky to have found you, and, really, isn't his the most important opinion?
i think people are just trying to make you feel better by telling you how great D is. But, ironically, this has made you feel worse. it sounds to me like you should not take these complements the wrong way- maybe they are actually trying to say nice things? just a thought.
You guys are right. I know, I know.
I am overly sensitive about these things, and am super sensitive about my independence and individuality.
I'd rather hear something like "I like your shirt" than "I like your boyfriend," which gets translated as "Well done on landing a good guy."
OK, yes, I have landed a good guy, who is amazing and I *do* feel lucky and I am psyched about it, but wouldn't I be just as awesome if I was single?
You're right, though, anonymous. And its fabulous that people like him.
I just wish that people also liked me here.
Post a Comment